Quotes from ‘The Grasshopper Experiment’

The Grasshopper Experiment

'The Grasshopper Experiment' - Season 1, Episode 8

When Raj is set up on a blind date by his parents, he worries he won't be able to talk to his date. Meanwhile, Penny practices her bar tending skills, resulting in the discovery that Raj can talk to women with the help of alcohol.

Air Date: November 12, 2007.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: I don't believe it. What's gotten into him?
Penny: Oh, maybe a couple of virgin Cuba Libres that turned out to be kinda slutty.
Leonard: You didn't.
Penny: Hey, you do your little experiments, I do mine.

Quote from Raj

Raj: How can I be a gynaecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life?
Wolowitz: Every year at ComiCon. Every day at Disneyland. You can hire Snow White to come to your house. Of course they prefer if you have a kid.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: I finally convinced the restaurant to give me a bar-tending shift, so I need to practice mixing drinks.
Leonard: That's Great! The key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition.
Sheldon: With certain obvious exceptions. ... Suicide, for example.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'll have a diet Coke.
Penny: Can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.
Sheldon: Fine. I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre.
Penny: That's rum and Coke, without the rum?
Sheldon: Yes, and would you make it diet?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Sorry, I'm late!
Leonard: What happened?
Sheldon: Nothing. I just didn't want to come.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Stop hitting on my lady or you shall experience my wrath.
Sheldon: I am not hitting on her.
Lalita: And I am not your Lady.
Howard: And you have no wrath.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Virgin diet cuba libre please.
Penny: OK.
Sheldon: In a tall glass with a lime wedge.
Penny: Oh I'll wedge it right in there.

Quote from Raj

Penny: Anybody need a refill?
Raj: (Drunk) Where did my life go, Penny?
*Everyone realizes Raj spoke to Penny.*
Raj: One day, I'm a carefree bachelor, the next, I'm driving a minivan to peewee cricket matches in suburban New Delhi.
Penny: Are you talking to me?
Raj: Is there another Penny here?

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Ok, here you go Leonard. One tequila sunrise!
Leonard: Thank you! You know, this drink is a wonderful example of how liquids with different specific gravities interact in a cylindrical container!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Damn you, walletnook.com!
Leonard: Problem?
Sheldon: The online description was completely misleading. They said 8 slots plus removable ID. To any rational person, that would mean room for nine cards. But they don't tell you the removable ID takes up one slot. It's a nightmare!

Quote from Raj

Mrs. Koothrappali: What are we suppose to tell Lalita's parents?
Dr. Koothrappali: I play golf with her father, I won't be able to look at him.
Raj: Why don't you keep your eye on the ball, Papa?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: A cuba libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge in it.
Penny: Then swim to cuba.
Sheldon: Bartenders are supposed to have people skills.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Do you really need the Honorary Justice League of America Membership card?
Sheldon: It's been in every wallet I owned since I was five.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: It says keep this on your person at all times. It's right here under Batman's signature.

Quote from Raj

Raj: You have lost so much weight. That must have been difficult for you because you were so, so fat. Do you remember?
Lalita: Yes I do.
Raj: Of course you do. Who could forget being that fat?
Lalita: Well I've been trying.

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can.
Lalita: Really? So do I!
Raj: But, you're a dentist, he's nuts!

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother would read [The Monkey and the Princess] to me. It's about an Indian princess who befriends a monkey who was mocked by all the other monkeys because he was different. For some reason I related to it quite strongly.
Penny: I know the reason.
Leonard: We all know the reason.

Quote from Raj

Mrs. Koothrappali: You are wearing the boxers we sent you, Rajesh?
Raj: Yes!
Mrs. Koothrappali: Because you know what happens to the samosas when you wear the tighty-whities.
Raj: Can we please stop talking about my testicles?

Quote from Leonard

Penny: I need some guinea pigs.
Sheldon: Okay, there's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you can try. But if your research is going to have human applications, may I suggest white mice? Their brain chemistry is far closer to ours.
Penny: I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you.
Leonard: His mom's been saying that for years.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Is it me or does web-chatting with your clothes on seem a little pointless?

Quote from Howard

Raj: I don't believe it!
Howard: Neither do I. Doogie Howser's been off the air for like 20 years.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: So who wants to rent Fiddler?
Sheldon: No need. We have the special edition.
Leonard: Well, maybe we are like Haroun and Tanweer.

Quote from Howard

Raj: What just happened?
Leonard: Beats the hell outta me!
Howard: I'll tell you what happened, I just learned how to pick up Indian Chicks.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: (On the phone) This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I need to cancel my membership to the planetarium. Yeah, well, I'm sorry too, but there's just no room for you in my wallet. No, I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History, and frankly, you don't have dinosaurs. Oh, I'll miss you too. Bye-Bye!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Okay, I know you're texting about me and I'd really like you to stop.

Quote from Raj

Dr. Koothrappali: Tilt up the camera, I'm looking at his crotch.
Raj: Sorry, Papa!
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, there's much better. Hi.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: (Talking about Raj to Penny) Don't you have a drink that could make him less obnoxious?
Penny: Drinks do not do that.

Quote from Mrs. Koothrappali

(Raj introducing his friends to his parents on video chat)
Leonard: Hi!
Raj: And over here is Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hi.
Raj: He lives with Leonard.
Mrs. Koothrappali: Oh, that's nice. Like Haroun and Tanweer.
Raj: No, no, not like Haroun and Tanweer.

Quote from Dr. Koothrappali

Dr. Koothrappali: So, are you boys academics like our son?
Guys: Yes.
Dr. Koothrappali: And your parents are comfortable with your limited earning potential?
Guys: Not at all.
Raj: Papa, please don't start.
Dr. Koothrappali: God, its just a question, hes so sensitive.

Quote from Dr. Koothrappali

Leonard: Dr. and Mrs. Koothrappali, in all fairness, it wasn't entirely Rajs fault.
Dr. Koothrappali: This is a family matter Sheldon.
Leonard: No, I'm Leonard.
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, sorry, you all look alike to us.

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