Quotes from ‘The Pancake Batter Anomaly’

The Pancake Batter Anomaly

'The Pancake Batter Anomaly' - Season 1, Episode 11

When Sheldon catches the flu, Leonard flees the apartment to avoid having to care for a needy Sheldon. After Sheldon turns up at the Cheesecake Factory, Penny is left to care of him.

Air Date: March 31, 2008.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, it's the phone.
Howard: I know it's the phone, Ma. I can hear the phone.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well who's calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well ask them why they're calling at this ungodly hour.
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Checkmate.
Leonard: Oh, again?
Sheldon: Obviously, you're not suited for three dimensional chess. Perhaps three dimensional Candy Land would be more your speed.
Leonard: Just reset the board!
Sheldon: It must be humbling to suck on so many levels.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Wait, put this in the bathroom.
Leonard: What for?
Sheldon: I need to measure my fluid intake and output to make sure my kidneys aren't shutting down.
Leonard: I mix pancake batter in this!
Sheldon: No, that measuring cup has always been for urine.
Leonard: You had time to make a label for everything in this apartment, including the label maker, but you didn't have ten seconds to make a label that said "urine cup"?
Sheldon: It's right here on the bottom.
Leonard: Huh, I guess I owe the Betty Crocker Company a letter of apology.

Quote from Howard

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard it's the phone!
Howard: I know it's the phone ma! I hear the phone!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Who is calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Well ask them why are they calling at this ungodly hour!
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: (On the phone) Howard, I'm sick.
Howard: (Hesitating, Imitating Mrs. Wolowitz) Howard's sleeping, this is his mother. Why are you calling at this ungodly hour?
Sheldon: I need soup!
Howard: (Imitating Mrs. Wolowitz) Then call your own mother.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty, Little Ball of Fur. Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty, Purr, Purr, Purr.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: (To Howard and Raj) Sheldon is at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: (On the phone to Penny) Just tell him to go home.
Penny: Well, he won't leave. He says he's afraid he'll pass out on the bus and someone will harvest his organs.
Leonard: (to Howard & Raj) He is paranoid and he has established a nest.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Clearly febrile delirium is setting in. Please bring me some soup while I still understand what a spoon is for.

Quote from Howard

Wolowitz: Take your stinking paws off my popcorn, you damn dirty ape.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Mrs. Wolowitz Who's on the phone?
Howard: It's Leonard.
Mrs. Wolowitz Why is he calling?
Howard: Sheldon's sick.
Mrs. Wolowitz Were you playing with him?
Howard: For God's sake ma, I'm twenty six years old.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well excuse me Mr. Grown-up. Whadda ya want for breakfast?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Sheldon, you are not sick. This is, but you are not.
Sheldon: We have no idea what pathogens Typhoid Penny has introduced into our environment. And having never been to Nebraska, I'm certain I have no corn-husking antibodies.
Leonard: Sheldon, don't you think you're overreacting?
Sheldon: When I'm lying comatose in a hospital relying on inferior minds to cure me, these gelatin cultures and my accompanying notes will give them a fighting chance.
*Sheldon holds a Q-tip toward his mouth for Leonard to swab*

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Anyway, the housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speak any English. When I finally managed to convince her I was sick, she said, "Machtest du ein Darm sputum?"
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Based on what happened next, I assume it means, "Would you like an enema?"

Quote from Leonard

Raj: How about Lasik?
Leonard: You want me to get eye surgery?
Raj: Would you rather go back to the apartment and deal with Sheldon or have a stranger carve out your corneas with a laser beam?
Howard: Well?
Leonard: I'm thinking.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What kind of sick?
Penny: Oh, the flu, I guess.
Sheldon: I don't need you to guess, I need you to know. Now, when did the symptoms first appear?
Penny: Maybe Friday!
Sheldon: Friday! Was that morning or afternoon?
Penny: I don't--
Sheldon: Think, woman! Who blew their nose and when?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: (blows nose into tissue, shows family sitting at nearby table) Would you call that moss green or forest green?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Sing me Soft Kitty?

Quote from Penny

Leonard: How was Nebraska?
Penny: Oh, better than North Dakota! I guess that joke's only funny in Nebraska.
Sheldon: From the data at hand you really can't draw that conclusion. All you can say with absolute certainty is that that joke is not funny here.
Penny: Boy, it's good to be back.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Sheldon, relax, she doesn't have any symptoms, I'm sure she's not contagious.
Sheldon: Oh please, if influenza was only contagious after symptoms appear it would have died out thousands of years ago. Somewhere between tool using and cave painting, homo habilus would have figured out to kill the guy with the runny nose.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: What the hell are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm making petri dishes to grow throat cultures.
Leonard: With lime jello?
Sheldon: I need a growth medium, and someone polished off the apricot yogurt. Here, swab my throat.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, as I predicted, I am sick. My fever has been tracking up exponentially since 2am, and I am producing sputum at an alarming rate.
Leonard: No kidding?
Sheldon: No. Not only that, it has shifted from clear to milky green.
Leonard: Alright, well, get some rest and drink plenty of fluids.
Sheldon: What else would I drink? Gasses? Solids? Ionised plasma?

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Is that a dog?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: In the lab?
Leonard: Yes. They're training dogs to operate the centrifuge for when they need dogs to operate the centrifuge for blind scientists, I have to go.

Quote from Howard

Howard: It was Sheldon.
Leonard: I tried to stop you.
Howard: It's my own fault. I forgot the protocol we put in place after the great ear infection of '06.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: There's a Planet of the Apes marathon at the New Art today.
Leonard: Five movies, two hours apiece. It's a start.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: I'm sick, thank you very much.
Penny: How could you have gotten it from me? I'm not sick.
Sheldon: You're a carrier. All these people here are doomed. You're doomed!

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Sheldon, what do you want?
Sheldon: I want soup.
Penny: Why didn't you just ... Why didn't you just have soup at home?
Sheldon: Penny, I have an IQ of 187. Don't you imagine that if there were a way for me to have had soup at home I would have thought of it?
Penny: You can have soup delivered.
Sheldon: I did not think of that.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Okay, what kind of soup do you want?
Sheldon: Well, my mother used to make me this split pea with little frankfurter slices and these home made crotons.
Penny: We have Chicken Tortilla and Potato Leek.
Sheldon: Can I get any of those with little frankfurter slices and home made crotons?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Then surprise me.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: (Showing his handkerchief to people at another table) Would you call that moss green or forest green?

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Sheldon, you are a grown man, haven't you ever been sick before?
Sheldon: Well, of course, but, not by myself.
Penny: Really, never?
Sheldon: Well, once. When I was fifteen, and spending the summer at the Heidelberg Institute in Germany.
Penny: Studying abroad?
Sheldon: No, visiting professor. Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to, and the result was an internal blitzkrieg with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: And there was no-one there to take care of you?
Sheldon: No. No, my mum had to fly back to Texas to help my dad because the house had slipped off the cinder blocks again.
Penny: Again?
Sheldon: It was tornado season. And it was an aluminum house.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Okay, sweetie, I'll take care of you. What do you need?
Sheldon: Well, my mom used to give me sponge baths.
Penny: Okay, ground rules: no sponge baths and definitely no enemas.
Sheldon: Agreed.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Well if you leave now, you can be back before the gorillas rip the crap out of Charlton Heston.
Howard: Unless Sheldon's there, in which case you'll be trapped forever in his whiny hyper neurotic snot-web.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Wait. Will you please rub this on my chest.
Penny: Oh, Sheldon, can't you do that yourself?
Sheldon: Vaporub makes my hands smell funny.
Penny: But Sheldon-
Sheldon: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please.
Penny: I can't believe I'm doing this.
Sheldon: No, no, counter-clockwise or my chest hair mats.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Alright, you're close enough to Sheldon's room, deploy the sensor. Now turn it on.
Leonard: It wasn't on?
Howard: No.
Leonard: Then why did I have to crawl?
Howard: Oh, I guess you didn't.
Leonard: Okay, it's on.
Howard: Good. From this point forward you will have to crawl.
Leonard: I know!

Quote from Penny

Penny: You deliberately stuck me with Sheldon.
Leonard: Well, I had to, you see what he's like.
Sheldon: Penny! Penny, I'm hungry.
Penny: Uh, it's okay, sweetie. Good news, Leonard's home!
Leonard: No!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Do you think Penny will come here and take care of us?
Leonard: I don't think Pennyís ever coming here again.
Sheldon: I'm very congested.
Leonard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: Can you go to the kitchen, and get me the turkey baster labeled mucus.
Leonard: If I stand, I'll vomit.
Sheldon: Under the sink, yellow Tupperware bowl.

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