Quotes from ‘The Jerusalem Duality’

The Jerusalem Duality

'The Jerusalem Duality' - Season 1, Episode 12

Sheldon is rattled when a 15-year-old physics prodigy, Dennis Kim, visits the university. Sheldon loses faith in his own work in the presence of the boy genius, so he decides to leave theoretical physics behind and focus on obtaining the Nobel Peace Prize. Concerned by Sheldon's career turn, the guys seek to derail Dennis Kim's progress.

Air Date: April 14, 2008.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Can you believe it! He watched me work for 10 minutes and than he tried to build a little piece of software that could replace me.
Leonard: Is that really possible?
Raj: As it turned out, yes.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Engineering. Where the noble semiskilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, Oompa-Loompas of science.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, I understand that youre going through a bit of a career crisis, you're searching for some other area where you can feel valuable and productive but I need to tell you something and I want you to listen carefully.
Sheldon: All right.
Leonard: Go away!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Today, I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, to... You know, that other guy.
Howard: Antonio Salieri?
Sheldon: Oh God, now even you're smarter than me.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Ladies and Gentlemen, honored daughters. While Mr. Kim by virtue of his youth and naivete has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me. Thank you.

Quote from Penny

Penny: I don't understand, exactly how did he get any friends in the first place?
Howard: We liked Leonard.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Yeah, I think you'll appreciate this, very exciting.
Dr. Gablehauser: Oh, what are you working on?
Sheldon: Something remarkable. Since my prospects for the Nobel Prize in physics have disappeared, thank you very much, I've decided to refocus my efforts and use my people skills to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Look, I'm going to solve the Middle-East Crisis by building an exact replica of Jerusalem in the middle of the Mexican desert.
Dr. Gablehauser: To what end?
Sheldon: You know, it's like the baseball movie, build it and they will come.
Dr. Gablehauser: Who will come?
Sheldon: The Jewish people.
Dr. Gablehauser: What if they don't come?
Sheldon: We'll make it nice, put out a spread.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Sheldon, there's a diploma in my office that says I have masters in engineering.
Sheldon: And you also have a note from your mother that says "I love you, Bubula" but neither of those is a cogent argument for titanium over nano-tubes.

Quote from Sheldon

Dr. Gablehauser: Okay, well, speaking of spreads, we're having a small welcoming party this afternoon for Mr. Kim who's agreed to join us here at the university.
Sheldon: Of course he has. The Oracle told us little Neo was the one. You can see the matrix, can't you?

Quote from Raj

Howard: I guess times have changed since we were young. Smart is the new sexy.
Leonard: Then why do we go home alone every night? We're still smart.
Rajesh: Maybe we're too smart. So smart it's off-putting.
Howard: Yeah, let's go with that.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: Unbelievable! Components I built are on the International Space Station and I get a ticket for launching a rocket in the park.
Leonard: I don't know if the ticket was so much for the launch as for telling the policewoman "You have to frisk me, I have another rocket in my pants"!

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Sure, if he wants to spend years doing her homework while she drinks herself into a stupor with non-fat White Russians and you're the one holding her head while she's puking and telling you she wishes more guys were like you. And then she gets into Cornell, because you wrote her essay for her and you drive up to visit her one weekend and she acts like she doesn't even know you.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Hey, I'm damaged, too. How about a hug for Howie?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I don't understand your objection, Professor Goldfarb. Why wouldn't the Sonora Desert make a perfectly good Promised Land?
Goldfarb: Go away!
Sheldon: We could call it Nuevo Jerusalem.
Goldfarb: Please go away!
Sheldon: Said Pharaoh to Moses!

Quote from Howard

Howard: I know the type. Cheerleader, student council, goes out with the jocks, won't even look at anybody in the gifted program. If after 2 years of begging, she agrees to go out with you, it turns out to be a setup and you're in your mom's car with your pants off while the whole football team laughs at you. *sobbing*

Quote from Raj

Rajesh: Why don't we do it your way then? We'll arrange for this girl to move in across the hall from Dennis so he can pathetically moon over her for months on end.
Leonard: Okay, that was uncalled for.
Rajesh: You started it, dude.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: It's a small, brown paper bag, ma, I'm looking at it right now. Why would I make that up? There's no Ding Dong in it. How are two Ding Dongs tomorrow gonna help me today?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Here's the problem with teleportation.
Leonard: Lay it on me.
Sheldon: Assuming the device could be invented which would identify the quantum state of matter of an individual in one location, and transmit that pattern to a distant location for reassembly, you would not have actually transported the individual. You would have destroyed him in one location, and recreated him in another.
Leonard: How about that.
Sheldon: Personally, I would never use a transporter. Because the original Sheldon would have to be disintegrated in order to create a new Sheldon.
Leonard: Would the new Sheldon be in any way an improvement on the old Sheldon?
Sheldon: No, he would be exactly the same.
Leonard: That is a problem.

Quote from Leonard

Dr. Gablehauser: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dennis Kim. Dennis is a highly sought after doctorial candidate and we're hoping to have him do his graduate work here.
Leonard: Graduate work, very impressive.
Dr. Gablehauser: And he's only fifteen years old.
Sheldon: Not bad, I myself started graduate school at fourteen.
Dennis Kim: Well, I lost a year while my family was tunneling out of North Korea.
Leonard: Advantage Kim.

Dr. Gablehauser: I thought maybe you boys could show Dennis around, let him see why we're the best physics research facility in the country.
Dennis Kim: I already know you're not. You don't have an open science grid computer, or a free electron laser, and the string theory research being done here is nothing but a dead end.
Sheldon: Excuse me, that is my research, and it is by no means a dead end.
Dennis Kim: Well, obviously you don't see it yet, but trust me, you will.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: What the hell do you mean, dead end?
Dennis: I mean, the whole landscape of false vacuums in string theory could be as large as ten to the five-hundredth power. In addition ... ooh, look, chocolate milk.
Sheldon: I sense a disturbance in the force.
Leonard: (Imitating Yoda) A bad feeling I have about this, mmm-hmmm.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: So, Dennis, how long have you been in America?
Dennis Kim: A year and a half.
Leonard: No kidding. You speak English really well.
Dennis Kim: So do you. Except for your tendency to end sentences with prepositions.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Dennis Kim: That.
Sheldon: He's not wrong.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Alright, and this is my office.
Dennis Kim: Is this part of the tour?
Sheldon: Nope. Goodbye.
Leonard: Come on, Sheldon, we've hardly shown him anything.
Sheldon: Oh, alright. This is my desk, these are my books, this is my door, please close it behind you. Goodbye.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Come on, Dennis, I'll show you the rec centre, they've got nautilus equipment.
Dennis: Do I look like I lift weights?
Leonard: Not heavy ones.

Dennis Kim: It's startling to me you haven't considered a Lorentz invariant field theory approach.
Sheldon: You think I haven't considered it? You really think I haven't considered it?
Dennis Kim: Have you considered it?
Sheldon: Get him out Leonard.
Leonard: Come on, Dennis, I'll show you the radiation lab.
Dennis Kim: Wow, you won the Stephenson award.
Sheldon: Yes, in fact I am the youngest person ever to win it.
Dennis Kim: Really, how old?
Sheldon: Fourteen and a half.
Dennis Kim: You were the youngest person ever to win it.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: It's like looking into an obnoxious little mirror, isn't it?

Quote from Howard

Howard: You know, Sheldon, you don't have so many friends that you can afford to start insulting them.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Just eat, Sheldon, you'll feel better.
Sheldon: Why waste food? In Texas when a cow goes dry they don't keep feeding it, they just take her out and shoot her between the eyes.
Penny: I'm confused, did Sheldon stop giving milk?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: You can't let this kid get to you. You always knew that someday someone would come along who was younger and smarter.
Sheldon: Yes, but I assumed I would have been dead hundreds of years, and that there would be an asterisk by his name because he would be a cyborg.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: So, you've got a bit of competition, I really don't see what the big deal is.
Sheldon: Well of course you don't, you've never excelled at anything.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Well, what are you going to do, Sheldon, give up?
Sheldon: Yes. That's what a rational person does when his entire life's work is invalidated by a post-pubescent Asian wunderkind. He ceases his fruitless efforts, he donates his body to scientific research, and he waits to die.
Penny: You know, I'm confused again. Is he waiting, or do we get to shoot him between the eyes?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What exactly is it you do? I know you chatter on about it all the time, but I've never really paid attention.
Leonard: Okay, well, right now I'm designing an experiment to study the soft component of cosmic radiation at sea-level, but I really don't need any help.
Sheldon: Oh, sure you do. Now, see, what's this here in the schematic, is that a laser array?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Now, hmmm. What happens if you use argon lasers instead of helium neon?
Leonard: It would blow up.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Leonard: Pretty sure.
Sheldon: Pretty sure's not very scientific. Is this how you normally work, just hunches and guesses and stuff?

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: I've been at this lab for three years, you've never came by to say hello.
Sheldon: Well, up until now I've had better things to do. So, what are we making today?
Howard: A small payload support structure for a European science experimental package that's going up on the next space shuttle.
Sheldon: Really, how does it work?
Howard: When this is done, it will be attached to the payload bay, and the sensor apparatus will rest on it.
Sheldon: Uh, huh. So it's a shelf?
Howard: No, you don't understand, during acceleration it needs to stay perfectly level and provide ... yeah, okay, it's a shelf.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Now, I notice you're using titanium, did you give any consideration to carbon nanotubes, they're lighter, cheaper and half twice the tensile strength.
Howard: Sheldon, there's a diploma in my office that says I have a masters in engineering.
Sheldon: And you also have a note from your mother that says I love you, bubbula. But neither of those is a cogent argument for titanium over nanotubes.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Yes.
Howard: Go away.
Sheldon: Did Leonard tell you to say that?
Howard: No, I thought of it all by myself.
Sheldon: Huh. It can't be a coincidence. There must be some causal link I'm missing.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Go away!
Sheldon: Curiouser and curiouser.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: (Entering the apartment) Is he here?
Leonard: If he were, I wouldn't be.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: He'll never be able to cope with the fact that some fifteen year-old kid is smarter and more accomplished than he is.
Raj: Well, what if something were to happen to this boy so he was no longer a threat to Sheldon?
Howard: Then our problem would be solved.
Leonard: Hang on, are we talking about murdering Dennis Kim? ... I'm not saying no.

Quote from Howard

Howard: The only thing we need to do is make this Kim kid lose his focus.
Leonard: That won't happen, he's not interested in anything but physics.
Howard: What about biology?
Leonard: What?
Howard: You know, biology? The one thing that can completely derail a world class mind.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: Howard, he's fifteen.
Howard: Yeah, so, when I was fifteen I met Denise Palmeri and my grade point average fell from a 5.0 to a 1.8.
Raj: She was sleeping with you?
Howard: No, I just wasted a lot of time thinking about what it would be like if she did.

Quote from Raj

Penny: (Opening her apartment door) Oh, hey guys, what's up?
Howard: We need a hot fifteen year-old Asian girl with a thing for smart guys.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Howard, that's racist. Any fifteen year-old girl will do the trick. (Penny slams the door.)
Raj: It's possible she may have misunderstood us.

Quote from Raj

Dr. Gablehauser: Why are all these young women here?
Leonard: It's take your daughter to work day.
Dr. Gablehauser:: Really? I was not aware of that.
Raj: Oh, yes. There was a very official email that was sent to everyone whose insurance files indicated they had daughters between the ages of 14 and 16.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hey, Howard. You're a Jew. If there was another wailing wall, exactly like the one in Jerusalem, but close to taco stands and cheap prescription drugs, would you still be able to wail at it?

Quote from Leonard

Raj: Okay, uh, how about her?
Leonard: Sure. If he wants to spend a couple of years doing her homework while she drinks herself into a stupor with non-fat White Russians, while you're the one holding her head out of the toilet while she's puking and telling you she wishes more guys were like you, and they she gets into Cornell because you wrote her essay for her, and you drive up to visit her one weekend and she acts like she doesn't even know you.

Quote from Sheldon

Dr. Gablehauser: Mr Kim was not only the valedictorian at Stamford University, he is also the youngest recipient of the prestigious Stephenson Award.
Sheldon: Youngest till the cyborgs rise up!

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