The Big Bang Theory - The Bat Jar Conjecture Quotes

Sheldon: Oh, and one more thing, it's on b*tch.

Wolowitz: He [Raj] compared Sheldon to a disposable feminine cleansing product one might use on a Summer's Eve.

Howard: (reading his mobile phone) Ooh, more details about the new Star Trek film! There is going to be a scene depicting Spock's birth. Raj: I'd be more interested in a scene depicting Spock's conception.

(Arguing over the name for their team after having jointly decided to take part in the University Physics Bowl:)
Sheldon: Teams are traditionally named after fierce creatures thus intimidating one's opponent.
Raj: Then we could be the Bengal tigers.
Sheldon: Poor choice. You know, gram for gram no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant.
Raj: Maybe so, but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger with a magnifying glass.

Sheldon: What rat have you recruited to the SS sinking ship?
Leslie: Hello Sheldon.
Sheldon: Leslie Winkle.
Leslie: Yeah Leslie Winkle. The answer to the question, who made Sheldon Cooper cry like a little girl?
Sheldon: Yes well I am polymerised tree saps and you are an inorganic adhesive so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you.  
Leslie: Oh, ouch.

Leslie: There's no reason to feel uncomfortable just because we've seen each other's faces and naked bodies contorted in the sweet agony of coitus. Rest assured that any aspects of our sexual relationship regarding your preferences, your idiosyncrasies, your performance, are still protected by the inherent confidentiality of the bedroom.

*Raj laughs in an "evil" way*
Wolowitz: That's more like: We're tall thin women who want to make a coat out of your Dalmatians.

Sheldon: You're asking me to use my superior intellect in a tawdry competition. Would you ask Picasso to play Pictionary? Would you ask Noah Webster to play Boggle? Would you ask Jacques Cousteau to play Go Fish?

Leonard: Come on, you need a four-person team. We're four people
Sheldon: By that reasoning we should also play bridge, hold up a huppah and enter the Olympic bobsled competition.

Howard: Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions? I am an engineer.
Sheldon: By that logic I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal.