Sheldon: She calls me moon-pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could just eat me up.

Leonard: Well, it looks like you're caught between a rock and a crazy place.
Sheldon: I hate when that happens.

Sheldon: No one calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw.

Penny: Hey Leonard, what's up with Dr Wackadoodle?

Penny: Okay, I got a box, but there's no key in here. Just letters.
Sheldon: That's the wrong box. Put it back.
Penny: Oh, Sheldon, are these letters from your grandmother?
Sheldon: Don't read those letters.
Penny: Oh, look, she calls you Moon Pie. That is so cute.
Sheldon: (shrieking) Put down the letters!

Penny: We're putting the play on for one night in this little 99-seat theater. Can you come? Oh great! Do you know 98 other people that might want to come?

Penny: What up moonpie!

Leonard: We had a vote. Three of us voted for airplane. Sheldon voted for train, so we're taking the train.
Sheldon: Don't say it like that, Leonard. Say it like, "We're taking the train!"

Howard: You know the old saying: pasty and frail never fail.

Howard: Okay, Raj, hand me the number six torque screwdriver.
Sheldon: Stop. We can't do this. It's not right.
Raj: Sheldon, you have two choices. Either you let him put a bigger hard drive in the TiVo, or you delete stuff before we go out of town.
Sheldon: But once you open the box, you've voided the warranty. The warranty is a sacred covenant we've entered into with the manufacturer. He offers to stand by his equipment, and we in return agree not to violate the integrity of the internal hardware. This little orange sticker is all that stands between us and anarchy.
Leonard: Okay, then we wont touch the hard drive. We'll just erase the first season of Battlestar.
Sheldon: (Rips off the sticker) There. We're outlaws.

Howard: It's hot in here, it must be Summer.

Raj: You fail to take into account that even mute, I am foreign and exotic. While you, on the other hand, are frail and pasty.

Raj: And that bright little star peeking her head out early today, that's Venus.
Summer Glau: That is so cool. You really know a lot about space.
Raj: Come on. When you were on TV in Firefly, you were actually in space.
Summer Glau: You're not one of those guys who really believe that, are you?
Raj: You mean one of the hopeless geeks? No. Those are crazy people. Howard, be a dear and get me another one of these. Now, him, he's one of those geeks.

Sheldon: Oh, no.
Leonard: What's the matter?
Sheldon: I forgot my flash drive.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: So we have to go back.
Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, I'm going to say why and your answer cannot be because I forgot my flash drive.
Sheldon: You don't understand. My flash drive has my paper on astrophysical probes of M-theory effects in the early universe that I was going to give to George Smoot at the conference.
Leonard: Why do you have to give your paper to George Smoot?
Sheldon: It's brilliant. He needs to read it.

Leonard: So you'll send him an e-mail when we get back.
Sheldon: Then I won't get to see his face light up as he reads it.

Leonard: Well, there's nothing you can do about it, so relax, sit back, enjoy the clickety-clack of the steel wheels on the polished rails.
Sheldon: You forgot your flash drive, You forgot your flash drive...
Leonard: Only ten hours, 55 minutes to go.

Sheldon: Okay, I've found the perfect solution. We get off the train at the next stop in Oxnard. We then take the 1:13 train back to Union Station. We take a cab back to the apartment, get my flash drive, and then race to San Luis Obispo, where, assuming the lights are with us and minimal traffic, we'll meet the train.
Leonard: I've got a better idea.
Sheldon: Are you going to be sarcastic?
Leonard: Boy, you take all the fun out of it for me.

Leonard: But look, Penny's home. Why don't we just call her, have her go in the apartment, get your flash drive and e-mail you the paper?
Sheldon: But the flash drive is in a locked drawer in my desk.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: The key is hidden in my room.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: Penny would have to go into my room.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: People don't go in my room!

Penny: The theater is above a bowling alley, so it's a little noisy, but it might be the only chance I'll ever get to play Anne Frank. And the director is brilliant. He uses the bowling sounds as, like, Nazi artillery.

Sheldon: Okay, step four. Do you see that small plastic case on my dresser?
Penny: Your dresser? Who is this?
Sheldon: It's Sheldon.
Penny: Oh, hey, Sheldon! How is San Francisco?
Sheldon: I'm not in San Francisco. I'm on a train. Were you even listening to me?
Penny: Uh, no, I was talking to my friend, but what's up?
Sheldon: What's up? I'll tell you whats up. I'm in a crisis situation, and I need you to marshal your powers of concentration, limited as they may be-

Leonard: He's calling to ask you a favor. You might be confused because he didn't use the words, Penny, Sheldon, please or favor.

Howard: And did you know the word "pumpernickel" comes from the German words pumper and nickel, which loosely translates to fart goblin?

Sheldon: All right, now, before you enter my bedroom unescorted, I need you to understand that this onetime grant of access does not create a permanent easement. ... Easement. It's a legal right of access. ... Good grief. What? No, don't put me on hold. Aw.

Howard: Do you believe him? Normally around women, he has the personality of a boiled potato. Put one beer in him, and he's M. Night Charmalarmalon.
Leonard: Is that what he's drinking? It's not even real beer.
Howard: What?
Leonard: Look at it. Non-alcoholic beer.
Howard: What's going on?
Leonard: I don't know. Some sort of placebo effect, I guess.
Howard: Placebo, you say. Interesting.

Sheldon: Yes, I'm still here. Where am I going? I'm on a train. Now, what you'll be looking for is a small wooden box located between a Hoberman's sphere and a sample of quartz flecked with pyrite. Hoberman's Sphere. It's a collapsible icosidodecahedron. No, the thing with the time on it is my alarm clock.

Raj: Actually, in India, the names of constellations are different. Where you have the Big Dipper, we have the Big Curry Pot.
Summer Glau: You're making that up.
Raj: You got me. Now what are you going to do with me?

Sheldon: You're holding a Japanese puzzle box, which takes ten precise moves to open. First, locate the panel with the diamond pattern and slide the centre portion one millimetre to the left. Then, on the opposite end of the box, slide the entire panel down two millimetres. You'll hear a slight click.
Penny: Hang on. Sheldon, do you have any emotional attachment to this box?
Sheldon: No, it's a novelty I ordered off the Internet. Now, did you hear the click?
Penny: Not yet. (Puts the box on the ground and stomps on it)There it is.

Sheldon: So, I'm thinking, you won the Nobel Prize what, three years ago? So you must deal with a whole lot of what has Smoot done lately? My thought is we continue my research as a team, you know, Cooper-Smoot, alphabetical, and when we win the Nobel Prize, you'll be back on top.
George Smoot: With all due respect, Dr. Cooper, are you on crack?
Sheldon: Fine! Smoot-Cooper. Wow, what a diva.

Howard: Hi, I'm the small package good things come in.

Leonard: Hey, Penny. It's Leonard.
Penny: Hey, Leonard. How's the train ride?
Leonard: Delightful. Listen, I don't know what you're doing right now, but there are little bubbles forming on the corners of Sheldon's mouth.

Raj: Sheldon, is there a place on this train to get alcohol?
Sheldon: Interesting that you ask. The Coast Starlight recently added the refurbished Pacific Parlour Car. Built in 1956 and originally known as the Santa Fe Lounge Car, the lower level is a theater-
Raj: Yeah-yeah, which way?
Sheldon: --and the upper level is a bar that offers wine tastings if you're going as far as Portland.

Leonard: This conference is kind of a big thing. The keynote address is being delivered by George Smoot.
Penny: Oh my God, the George Smoot?
Leonard: You've heard of him?
Penny: Of course I haven't.

Leonard: Wow, teasing the guys at the Apple Store seems a little redundant now.
Sheldon: I don't follow.
Leonard: I wouldn't expect you to.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, this is the Coast Starlight, one of the great American trains operating on one of the classic American routes. On this side, you'll see panoramic ocean vistas inaccessible to any other form of transportation, while on your side, you'll be treated to 350 miles of Costcos, Jiffy Lubes, and cinderblock homes with above-ground pools.

Howard: Sheldon, I owe you an apology. Taking the train was a stroke of brilliance. I've actually got a shot with a Terminator.
Raj: Oh, please. When it comes to Terminators, you've got a better shot of scoring with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Penny: (Bringing a pink suitcase) Here you go, Leonard. Is this going to be big enough?
Leonard: It's perfect.
Howard: For taking daffodils to your unicorn.

Penny: Oh, I love San Francisco. I wish I was going with you.
Sheldon: I understand your envy. This is a can't miss symposium. There are going to be discussions on bio-organic cellular computer devices, the advancements in multi-threaded task completion, plus a round table on the non-equilibrium Green's function approach to the photoionization process in atoms.
Penny: When I go, I usually just get hammered and ride the cable cars.

Sheldon: George Smoot is a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, one of the great minds of our time. His work in black body form and anisotropy of the cosmic microwave background radiation cemented our understanding of the origin of the universe.
Penny: It's kind of a funny name, though, Smoot.
Sheldon: It's like talking to a chimp.
Penny: Okay, now that I've been completely insulted, have a good flight.

Leonard: Hey, we're all going over to the Apple store to make fun of the guys at the Genius Bar. You want to come?
Sheldon: Oh, I always enjoy that, but I'm a little busy.
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm simplifying the task of packing for our trip. See, by attaching RFID tags to my clothing, it will enable my laptop to read and identify the items with this wand. I will then cross-reference them against destination, anticipated activity spectrum, weather conditions, duration of trip, et cetera.
Leonard: Well, that does sound much simpler. How long is this going to take?
Sheldon: Assuming I can keep up this pace, three hours, 11 minutes. Plus however long it takes to conclude this fairly pointless conversation.

Sheldon: That's over the wheelbase. Are you completely unfamiliar with the suspension characteristics of a pre-1980 Pullman-built Superliner Deluxe passenger coach?
Leonard: Sheldon, we've been on this train 90 seconds, and you've already said a thousand words. Just tell us where to sit and shut up.

Sheldon: Here. I'm hoping once you reap the endorphic rewards of the steady clickety-clack of steel wheels on polished rails, your sour disposition will abate.
Leonard: Yeah, maybe. Meanwhile back in the 21st century, people are raising their tray tables and putting their seat-backs in an upright position 'cause it's time to land in San Francisco.

Raj: It's not so bad, really. At least these trains have modern plumbing. In India, you squat over a hole in the train and expose your naked buttocks to the chilly air of Rajasthan.
Sheldon: He is referring, of course, to third class on Indian Railways' magnificent Ranakpur Express and its twelve hundred kilometer journey from Maharashtra to the Bikaner Junction.
Leonard: Oh, look, now he's boring on an international scale.

Howard: What would Summer Glau be doing riding the train?
Leonard: Maybe John Connor's aboard and shes protecting him from an evil Terminator.
Sheldon: Unlikely. That's a television show, Leonard.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: Of course, if SkyNet actually did exist in the future, a perfect way to infiltrate and destroy mankind would be to send Terminators back posing as actors who have played Terminators in popular films and television series, lulling us into a false sense of security, i.e., that's Summer Glau from The Sarah Connor Chronicles. No, Summer, don't kill me! I'm pro-robot! Argh!

Howard: You're overlooking something. I have 11 hours with her in a confined space. Unless she#s willing to jump off a moving train, tuck and roll down the side of a hill, she will eventually succumb to the acquired taste that is Howard Wolowitz.

Sheldon: I'm confused. I thought you were involved in some sort of socially intimate pairing with Leslie Winkle.
Howard: Sheldon, let me explain to you how this works.
Sheldon: All right.
Howard: That's Summer Glau.
Sheldon: Yes.
Howard: That's it.

Leonard: Excuse me, but what about me? Why don't I get a shot?
Howard: Fine, go ahead. Take a shot.
Leonard: You know, I've already got a gorgeous blond back home that I can't score with. I think I'll let you two take this one.

Leonard: So aren't you going to go talk to her?
Howard: I will, I'm just working on my opening line.
Leonard: She's probably heard every possible line, Howard. Why don't you just try hello?
Howard: No, no, no, that always creeps girls out. I need to come up with something thats funny, smart and delicately suggests that my sexual endowment is disproportionate to my physical stature.
Leonard: You're going to need more than 11 hours.

Sheldon: Leonard, let me tell you something. Personal robots cannot get here soon enough.

Raj: It's hot in here. It must be Summer.
Summer Glau: That's cute.
Raj: Really? I just made it up. Have you seen Slumdog Millionaire?
Summer Glau: Oh, yeah, I loved it.
Raj: It's loosely based on my life.