Quotes from ‘The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation’

The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation

'The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation' - Season 3, Episode 1

After the gang return from their Arctic expedition, Sheldon is stunned to learn that the guys manipulated his data. Fearing his reputation has been ruined, Sheldon retreats to Texas, where the guys must go get him.

Air Date: September 21, 2009.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That's why I added the '-tator'.

Quote from Barry Kripke

Sheldon: You see. People have been pointing and laughing at me all morning.
Barry Kripke: Not true. People have been pointing and laughing at you your whole life.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hello Penny. I realize you are currently in the mercy of your primitive biological urges. But, as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: But evolution is not opinion, it's a fact.
Sheldon's mom: And that is your opinion.
Sheldon (to Leonard, Howard and Raj): I forgive you, let's go home.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: When I was a senior in high school, one of my friends heard I was gonna be named head cheerleader, I was so excited. My mom even made me a celebration pie. Then they named stupid Valerie Mossbacher head cheerleader, big old slutbag.
Sheldon: Are you saying that you think a celebration pie is even remotely comparible to a Nobel Prize?
Penny: Well, they're pretty tasty.
Sheldon: And on a different, but not unrelated topic, based on your current efforts to buoy my spirits, do you ever truly believe that you were fit to be a cheer leader?

Quote from Mary Cooper

Sheldon: What are they doing here?
Leonard: We came to apologize again and bring you home. So why don't you pack up your stuff, and we'll head back?
Sheldon: No, this is my home now. Thanks to you, my career is over, and I will spend the rest of my life here in Texas trying to teach evolution to creationists.
Mrs. Cooper: You watch your mouth, Shelly. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.
Sheldon: But evolution is not opinion, it's a fact.
Sheldon's mom: And that is your opinion.

Raj: I like the new look.
Howard: Thanks. I call it the Clooney.
Raj: I call it the Mario and Luigi but whatever.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: No mother, I could not feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that I am home safe does not prove it worked. That logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. No, I'm not sassing you in Eskimo talk.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: Raj is it? Still having trouble talking to the ladies? Because you know at our church we have a woman who's an amazing healer. Mainly she does crutch and wheelchair people. But I bet she'd be willing to take a shot at whatever third-world demon is running around inside of you.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: When he wasn't happy, we wanted to kill him. There was even a plan. We were going to throw his Kindle outside, and when he went to get it, lock the door and let him freeze to death.
Sheldon: That seems like a bit of an overreaction.
Leonard: No, the overreaction was the plan to tie your limbs to four different sled-dog team and yell "Mush!"

Quote from Howard

Howard: Damn it! I should've gone over and told her we were back.
Raj: Yeah, it was first come first serve.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: Would you please take that stupid hat off?
Howard: No, I want to blend in.
Raj: To what? Toy Story?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I don't know which artic expedition you guys were on, but I thought it was a hoot and a half.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I just want you both to know, when I publish my findings, I won't forget your contributions.
Howard: Great.
Sheldon: Of course, I can't mention you in my Nobel acceptance speech. But, when I get around to writing my memoirs, you can expect a very effusive footnote and perhaps a signed copy.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You fellas are planning a party for me, aren't you?
Howard: Okay, Sheldon, sit down.
Sheldon: If there's going to be a theme, I should let you know that I don't care for luau, toga, or under the sea.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: Hold your horses, young man. Here in Texas we pray before we eat.
Sheldon: Aw, mom.
Mary Cooper: This is not California, land of the heathen.

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: If this is about the night the heat went out, there's nothing to be embarassed about.
Raj: It's not about that.
Howard: We agreed to never speak of it again.
Sheldon: So we slept together naked. It was only to keep our core body temperatures from plummeting.
Howard: He's speaking about it.
Raj: For me it was a bonding moment.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: (To his spot) Hello, old friend, Daddy's home.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mrs. Cooper: By His hand we are all
Sheldon: Fed.
Mrs. Cooper: Give us, Lord, our daily
Sheldon: Bread.
Mrs. Cooper: Please know that we are truly
Sheldon: Grateful.
Mrs .Cooper: For every cup and every
Sheldon: Plateful.
Mrs. Cooper: Amen.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Sheldon, you know, I do understand what you're going through.
Sheldon: Really? Did you just have the Nobel Prize in Waitressing stolen from you?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Like the proverbial cheese, I stand alone. Even while seated.

Quote from Howard

Howard: (Southern Accent) If y'all don't mind, I got a hankering for a lone star beer.
Mary: There's no alcohol in this household, stop talking like that, and lose the hat.
Howard: Sorry, I'll take a diet yoo-hoo if you have one.
Mary: You'll take a Coke.

Quote from Barry Kripke

Barry Kripke: Hey, Cooper. Read your retraction email. Way to destroy your reputation!

Quote from Barry Kripke

Sheldon: Attention, everyone. I'm Sheldon Cooper. As those of you in the physics department might know, my career trajectory has taken a minor detour.
Barry Kripke: Off a cliff.

Quote from Barry Kripke

Sheldon: My credibility may have been damaged.
Barry Kripke: Completely wrecked.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: There's no alcohol in this household. Stop talking like that. And lose the hat.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: Don't tell me prayer doesn't work.

Quote from Howard

Howard: I can't believe we spent three months in that frozen hell.
Raj: It's like a snowy nightmare from which there's no awakening.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: If you recall, when you were little we sat right here at this very spot and talked about some of the problems you had getting along with the neighbor kids.
Sheldon: That was different. They were threatened by my intelligence and too stupid to know that's why they hated me.
Mary Cooper: Oh, baby. They knew very well why they hated you.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: Whatever. Jesus still loves you.

Quote from Barry Kripke

Barry Kripke: Yeah, but research in to dark energy proved that Einstein's cosmological constant was right all along. So you're still, surprise surprise, a loser.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Sheldon: Thanks for carving a smiley face in my grilled cheese sandwich.
Mary Cooper: Well, I know how to take care of my baby. His eyes came out a little thin, but you can just pretend he's Chinese.

Quote from Howard

Wolowitz: I would like a slippery nipple.

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