Quotes from ‘The Maternal Congruence’

The Maternal Congruence

'The Maternal Congruence' - Season 3, Episode 11

Leonard's mother, Dr. Beverly Hofstadter, visits for Christmas. His mother's visit is distressing for Leonard, especially when she finds out about his relationship with Penny, but not for Sheldon, who appreciates her analytical thinking.

Air Date: December 14, 2009.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the sun is essential for all life on earth. Frosty is merely a bit of frozen, supernatural ephemera in a stolen hat. A crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny Sheldon, did you have a Christmas tree?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. We had a tree, we had a manger, we had an inflatable Santa Clause with plastic reindeer on the front lawn... and to make things even more jolly, there were so many blinking lights on the house they induced neighborhood-wise seizures.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: So, Howard, have you and Rajesh finally summoned the courage to express your latent homosexual feelings towards one another?

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: I always tear up when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the heart muscle, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which can lead to congestive heart failure.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: She doesn't have much in the way of career prospects, and don't make her responsible for her own orgasms as well.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Merry Newtonmas everyone.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I'm fine. How are you?
Beverly Hofstadter: Menopausal.
Leonard: Now I'm less fine.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: Why didn't you tell me you're tapping my home girl? Did I say that right?

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: Your check engine light is on.
Penny: Yeah, I gotta put a sticker over that. So, you must be devasted about your divorce?
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, not at all. Though I am a bit distressed to be a in vehicle that's not subjected to regular maintenance.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: Well, initially I felt something akin to grief and perhaps anger, but that's the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: On the contrary I find the Grinch to be a relate-able and engaging character. And I was really with him, right up to the point that he succumbed to social convention, returned the presents and saved Christmas.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: It's all right, Sheldon. I will just pretend Leonard's not withholding information. Although, I will point out, Leonard, that I am a trained psychiatrist and you are exhibiting the same secretive behavioral ticks that accompanied you learning to masturbate.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: Excuse me, Leonard. I'm the one getting a divorce, Mitsy's dead, why are you the one making a fuss?

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: I've been responsible for my own orgasms since 1982.
Penny: Yikes.
Beverly Hofstadter: *laughs*
Penny: What's so funny?
Beverly Hofstadter: That's exactly what I say during orgasms: "yikes".

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: How did his penis turn out?
Penny: Oh, Beverly. I can't talk to my boyfriend's mother about his penis.
Beverly Hofstadter: Fair enough. What, if anything, can you tell me about that busboy's penis?

Quote from Penny

Penny: Come on, I mean, you're not upset that your marriage is over?
Beverly: Well, initially I felt something akin to grief and perhaps anger, but that's the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.
Penny: Sure, sure.

Quote from Raj

Raj: You think your thoughts are pure gold, but let me tell you something they are pure caca.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I drove, mother. I'm driving now.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, dear. Mommy's proud.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Leonard: I just don't understand why he knows more about your life than I do.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, I would assume it's because Sheldon and I stay in touch due to mutual interests and respect, while you avoid me due to unresolved childhood issues.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: Speaking of fathers, Leonard, I'm divorcing yours.
Leonard: What? No.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, he was cheating on me with some waitress from the university cafeteria. Can you believe it? A waitress! Oh, no offense dear!

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Sheldon: We discussed it at length during our last video chat. Although how we got on to the subject of you is baffling.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, but we are on the subject, so I'm obliged to ask: Leonard, how are you?

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: She's a remarkable girl. The youngest appeals court judge in New Jersey and a two-time Olympic gold medallist.
Leonard: You must be very happy.
Beverly Hofstadter: Why? I'm not marrying her.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, did I thank you for the flowers?
Sheldon: You did.
Beverly Hofstadter: I don't really like flowers.
Sheldon: Me neither, but it's the social convention.
Beverly Hofstadter: It is, isn't it?

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Leonard: Wait, wait, wait. You had surgery?
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, and Sheldon sent me flowers.
Leonard: I heard that.
Beverly Hofstadter: Then what was all that "wait, wait, wait" about?

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