Quotes from ‘The Psychic Vortex’

The Psychic Vortex

'The Psychic Vortex' - Season 3, Episode 12

Raj enlists Sheldon as his wingman when they attend a university mixer together. Meanwhile, Leonard and Penny have an argument when he ridicules her belief in psychics.

Air Date: January 11, 2010.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: You can't wear the hands on the date.
Sheldon: Hulk sad!

Quote from Penny

Penny: You know, I believe in ghosts, too.
Leonard: Great.
Penny: And astrology.
Leonard: I know, and pyramid power and healing crystals.
Penny: Oh, no, no, no, crystals donít work.
Leonard: Really, thatís the line? Psychics are real, but crystals are voodoo?
Penny: Oh, Voodoo is real. You don't want to mess with Voodoo.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: How can I go out with a woman who believes in psychics?
Howard: Hey, I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.
Leonard: And that didn't bother you?
Howard: Au contraire. It meant that she was gullible and open to a little probing.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: What's going on?
Sheldon: We scored. I'm the wingman.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Goodnight puny human!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I've just discovered I don't have enough room on my hard drive for a Linux partition, so you and I are going to perform a full backup, re-initialize and then re-install all my operating systems.

Quote from Sheldon

Abby: Hey that's pretty cool, what is it?
Sheldon: It's a limited edition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with.
Abby: You're very funny. I'm Abby.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Have you chosen one to copulate with?

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: They get girlfriends and they just abandon us?
Sheldon: It is great, isn't it? We have a wonderful evening ahead of us.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Come on, Sheldon, the world is filled with people doing things outside. Let's go outside. Outside is good.
Sheldon: If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I would like a root beer float.
Raj: Sheldon, they don't have ice cream.
Sheldon: They don't? Well, apparently these people and I differ greatly on the definition of party.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: He'll have a Shirley Temple.
Sheldon: And don't be chintzy with the Shirley.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I'm sorry, but facts are facts.
Penny: Right, and if you can't understand it, it's not a fact.
Leonard: No, if it's not a fact, it's not a fact.

Quote from Howard

Howard: I don't like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base.
Leonard: What the hell is eighth base?
Howard: Seventh base with shirt off. Well, my shirt.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Let me show you another way to look at this. Here we have the universe of all women. These are the ones you want to sleep with. These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. And right there in the little triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she's a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Wow, that's all you got after you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wolowitz?

Quote from Howard

Leonard: Look at us. Getting ready for a double date with actual women who publicly acknowledge they're our girlfriends.
Howard: Yes, actual women are the best.
Sheldon: I don't understand. What other kind of women are there?
Leonard: Howard, artificial women are your department. You want to take this?
Howard: No, it would just freak him out.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: Listen, before we leave, I should warn you, I'm a passionate man and I tend towards public displays of affection.
Leonard: What are you trying to tell me, Howard?
Howard: There might be some making out in the car or the restaurant, and I don't want Bernadette to feel uncomfortable, so it would help if you and Penny made out, too.
Leonard: Don't worry. We're planning to have sex right on the salad bar.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Namaste, white people. Good news! I rented us the four-hour edition of Watchmen.
Leonard: Got it.
Howard: Seen it.
Sheldon: Detailed analysis posted online.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: What about me?
Sheldon: Well, I understand there are several types of artificial women. Maybe you should look into that.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Dude, there's so many cool things we could be doing tonight. Look. At the Glendale Galleria, "Put on your best zoot suit, it's a salute to Swing music in the center court near Macy's. 5pm to 9pm", huh, huh? A salute to zoot. Sounds like a hoot.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Raj, I have no desire to salute any article of clothing tonight. Much less one that's linked to race riots in the 1940s.
Raj: Race riots?
Sheldon: The zoot suit riots.
Raj: Oh. I always thought that was some sort of after-Christmas sale.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Well, then why don't we just go to the Galleria and walk around?
Sheldon: I don't need anything at the Galleria. Do you need anything at the Galleria?
Raj: No. We would just walk around and see what's what.
Sheldon: That's a semantically null sentence.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Okay, well, how about this? From the university Web site, 7pm to 10pm, Norton Hall Multipurpose Room, mixer for grad students and faculty of the science and humanities departments. Whether you split atoms or infinitives, this is the place to be.
Sheldon: Well, that's certainly amusing, but I have no interest.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Please, Sheldon, I'm a young, virile visitor from a foreign land and I need to strut my stuff.
Sheldon: Let me offer you a compromise. Sometimes when I feel stifled and want a change of scenery, I use my imagination.
Raj: Oh, boy.
Sheldon: One of my favorite places to visit is the two-dimensional world described in Edwin Abbott's mathematical fantasy, Flatland.
Raj: I don't want to go to Flatland.
Sheldon: You're only saying that because you haven't been there. I am now a hexagon in two-dimensional space and can only perceive the edges of other objects.
Raj: Oy.
Sheldon: Is that you, Raj? I don't recognize your edge.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Sheldon, I'm begging you. I want to go to this mixer, and I don't want to go alone.
Sheldon: Well, you're in luck. There's a mixer here in Flatland. Oh, look, there's a sexually attractive line segment, you should chat her up.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: Tell her you're a circle. Flatland gals are all hot for circles.

Quote from Bernadette

Leonard: I hope you're hungry, Bernadette. We're going to a terrific restaurant.
Bernadette: Oh, yeah, I'm starved. When you spend all day in a bio-lab, watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite.

Quote from Penny

Howard: Flesh-eating bacteria. And yet, I still want to kiss this woman, what does that tell you?
Penny: That you'd be willing to die a horrible death on the off-chance you'd get to second base?

Quote from Leonard

Bernadette: How's your work going, Penny? Any acting jobs?
Penny: Well, the last big thing I did was this production of Diary of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. But I think things might be turning around pretty soon.
Leonard: Great. How come?
Penny: Well, promise you won't make fun of me.
Leonard: Of course, I would never make fun of you.
Penny: Okay. Well, I went to this psychic who told me that if I cut my hair, I'm going to get a national commercial.
Leonard: (Laughing) Seriously? You're getting career advice from a psychic?
Howard: Good job not making fun of her.

Quote from Penny

Penny: She's not one of those phonies, okay. She wrote a book and has her own Web site.
Leonard: Oh, gee, why didn't you say so? They don't let just anyone have a Web site.
Penny: Why are you being such a jerk?
Leonard: You're surprised? Your psychic didn't tell you I was going to be a jerk?
Penny: Ha-ha, bite me.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Thanks for coming with me.
Sheldon: Thanks for giving me your limited edition Green Lantern lantern.
Raj: Did you really have to bring it in with you?
Sheldon: What if evil strikes and my power ring runs low?

Quote from Raj

Raj: Come on, let's get a drink.
Sheldon: I don't drink.
Raj: Yeah, well I do. And when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot. I'll have a screwdriver, please. Don't be chintzy with the screw.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Okay, let's check out the females.
Sheldon: All right. There's a female.
Raj: That's Professor Wilkinson's wife. She's like 80 years old.
Sheldon: But she's female. Isn't that the game?
Raj: No. I'm looking for a hookup.
Sheldon: Oh, yes. So, the point of this exercise is for you to find someone to copulate with?
Raj: Not so loud, but ideally, yes. Thanks.

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: Thank you. And what is my function as wingman?
Raj: You help me run my game.
Sheldon: Okay. What is your game?
Raj: When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: So, what should we talk about?
Howard: Well, we could always learn more about why people who believe in psychics are idiots. Leonard?

Quote from Penny

Penny: Thank you for educating me.
Leonard: You're welcome. How's your fish?
Penny: Amazing. Would you like to try some?
Leonard: Yeah, sure.
Penny: Well, the fact is, you can't.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: Come on, Howard, Bernadette, you're both scientists. Help me out here.
Howard: What do you think? Want to jump right into the middle of another couple's argument?
Bernadette: No, thank you.
Howard: Sorry.

Quote from Bernadette

Leonard: Maybe we should just stop talking about this.
Penny: Maybe some of us should stop talking altogether.
Waiter: How is everything tonight?
Bernadette: Really uncomfortable.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons?
Leonard: It's not just Cylons. Superman's next.
Howard: All right, I was going to try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later when you don't have a high-powered weapon.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: The dog - koira. The roof - katto. Grapes - viinirypleet. One minute. Sisn!
Raj: What was that?
Sheldon: It means come in. It's taking forever to load the new operating system on my computer. I disinfected the kitchen and the bathroom, and now I thought I'd learn Finnish.

Quote from Raj

Raj: जहां आपकी मर्जी हो. That's Hindi for whatever floats your boat.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Uh, listen, I got a text from that girl Abby, and she and her friend Martha want to hang out with us again. What do you say?
Sheldon: I don't say anything. I merely offer you a facial expression that suggests you've gone insane.
Raj: I don't get it. You had a great time.
Sheldon: Yes, exactly, I had a great time. That's done. I've moved on to other things. For example, after I learn Finnish, I'm not going to learn Finnish again.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Please, Sheldon, I'm a lost Indian boy far from home, and I want a girlfriend and I want her to be Abby, and she'll only come over if she can bring Martha.
Sheldon: Raj, I highly doubt there is any argument you can make, threat you might levy, rhetorical strategy, plea, invocation, supplication, or "vetoomus" that you can employ that would convince me to reconsider.
Raj: My Incredible Hulk hands signed by Stan Lee.
Sheldon: Oh, my. I've admired these for years.
Raj: So does that mean we can go with the girls again?
Sheldon: Hulk agree to second date with puny humans!

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Hey. Cleaning out the old dryer lint, huh? Not only is it courteous, it's safety smart. Every year, 15,000 fires are caused by accidental dryer lint ignition. Now you're supposed to say, wow, what an interesting fact. Come here, you crazy, nerdy guy. I could never be mad at you.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: No, I'm sorry. I really am. It's not right to mock what a person believes in.
Penny: Thank you. Would you be willing to go to my psychic and see what it's all about?
Leonard: Would you be willing to read a book that concisely explains how all psychics are frauds?
Penny: I would not.

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