Raj: Okay, just to be clear, roller skating was my idea, and I'm very unhappy that you turned it into a double date. I hope you both fall on your asses and break your coccyxes.
Sheldon: The plural of coccyx is coccyges.
Raj: Screw you. Give me back my lima beans.

Leonard: Penny, I told you if you don't put him in his crate at night, he just runs around the apartment.

Leonard: Black beans, not pinto beans?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: Double guacamole?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Lettuce shredded, not chopped?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: No cilantro?
Sheldon: Nope.
Leonard: You understand why I'm doing this to you?
Sheldon: I do.
Leonard: That will be all.

Penny: What happened?
Leonard: Sheldon's escaped and he's terrorizing the village.

Sheldon: Oh, by the way, I was watching you sleep for a moment, and I noticed that your snoring seems to be worse when you're on your back.
Penny: Leonard doesn't snore.
Sheldon: I wasn't talking to Leonard.
Leonard (to Penny): Told ya.

Bernadette: Sheldon, when was the last time you got any sleep?
Sheldon: I don't know. 2 or 3 days. Not important. I don't need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squatteth the toad of truth.
Penny: Toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?
Leonard: No, that's a crazy thing.

Howard: How long has he been stuck?
Leonard: Hmm, intellectually about 30 hours, emotionally about 29 years.

Sheldon: And you can start sorting protons and neutrons while I build carbon atoms!
Leonard: No, I don't think so. We need to go home now.
Sheldon: But I'm still working!
Leonard: If you don't come out of there, I'm gonna have to drag you out.
Sheldon: You can try, but you'll never catch me.
Leonard: Oh for God's sake. Sheldon, come here.
Sheldon: Bazinga!

Penny: Whatcha doin'?
Sheldon: I'm attempting to view my work as a fleeting peripheral image so as to engage the superior coliculus of my brain.
Penny: Interesting. I usually just have coffee. Have you been up all night?
Sheldon: Is it morning?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Then I've been up all night.

Sheldon (to himself): Structure, constant structure, one atom.
Howard: Boy, he's really gone, isn't he?
Leonard: Yeah, this morning he used a stick of butter as deodorant.
Howard: I thought I smelled popcorn.

Sheldon: Captain Hook's hand was eaten by a crocodile, not an alligator. If you're going to insult me at least get your facts straight.

Bernadette: (To Sheldon) Brush your teeth and go to bed!

Leonard: I haven't seen him this stuck since he tried to figure out the third Matrix movie.

Howard: Have you tried rebooting him?
Leonard: No, I think it's a firmware problem.

Employment adviser: So, Mr. Cooper, you're looking for a job?
Sheldon: A menial job. Like yours.
Employment adviser: Why thank you for noticing. I'm Menial Employee of the Month.

Leonard: Sheldon took our order.
Penny: Sheldon doesn't work here.
Leonard: Well, honey, not to complain, but we were starting to think you didn't either.

Sheldon: When Albert Einstein came up with special relativity, he was working at the patent office.
Leonard: So you're going to work at the patent office?
Sheldon: Don't be absurd. That's in Washington. You know I could never live in a city whose streets are laid out in a wheel-and-spoke pattern.

Sheldon: I asked myself what is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable, and three answers came to mind. Toll both attendant, an Apple Store genius, and what Penny does. Now, since I don't like touching other people's coins, and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word genius, here I am.

Raj: Great. It's not like I brought it up because I wanted to go.
Howard: You can come with us.
Raj: No, it's okay. I don't have to go. I'm happy to guide you and your ladies to suitable entertainment choices. I'm a walking, brown Yelp.com

Penny: Toad of truth? Is that a physics thing?
Leonard: No, that's a crazy thing.