Quotes from ‘The Precious Fragmentation’

The Precious Fragmentation

'The Precious Fragmentation' - Season 3, Episode 17

The guys friendship is under threat when they find an authentic ring from "The Lord of the Rings" at a garage sale.

Air Date: March 8, 2010.

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: One ring to rule them all.
Rajesh: One ring to find them.
Wolowitz: One ring to bring them all.
Leonard: And in the darkness bind them.
Rajesh: Holy crap are we nerdy!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So, just to clarify, when you say three, do we stand up or do we pee?

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: What was that?
Penny: Sheldon tried to steal the ring so I punched him.
Leonard: That's my girl!

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: Where's the ring?
Leonard: It's in a Fedex box on its way back to where it came from.
Raj: The fires of Mount Doom?

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do the two of you talk about after the coitus?

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: That is so sad.
Sheldon: No, what's sad is that you don't know Adam West is TV's Batman.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: *Doing Mr. T impression while holding a action figure of Spock with Mr. T's head* I pity the fool who's illogical!

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: So Sheldon, how's it feel to be beaten up by a girl?
Sheldon: It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Why do I always have to carry the heavy stuff?
Sheldon: Well, it's very simple. In our ragtag of scientists with nothing to lose, I'm the smart one, Wolowitz is the funny one, and Koothrappali is the lovable foreigner who struggles to understand our ways and fails, and that leaves you, by default, as the muscle.
Leonard: One more floor, and I'd be the pulled muscle.

Quote from Penny

Penny: I need to go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.

Quote from Howard

Howard: I'll bet your Meemaw didn't just have sex to have your mother, I bet she had sex because she liked it.
Sheldon: Stop it!
Raj: Yeah, Meemaw did the nasty.
Sheldon: I said stop it!
Howard: We're getting to him.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, here's a fun fact. Ketchup started out as a general term for sauce, typically made of mushrooms or fish brine with herbs and spices. Some popular early main ingredients included blueberry, anchovy, oyster, kidney bean, and grape.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Oh, my God. An Alf doll. When I was 11 my mother got me one to help me sleep after my dad left. I used to pretend that my dad had moved to the planet Melmac, and Alf was going to bring him back to me. But he never did. Where's my daddy, puppet? Where is he?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Give us the precious!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You hit me. I'm bleeding.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Oh, it's about time. I'm starving.
Leonard: Uh, well, we didn't actually get Chinese food.
Penny: Why not?
Leonard: Don't panic, this is better.
Penny: Oh, no, you didn't trade the food for magic beans, did you?

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: Of course not. And, technically, magic beans would be food, although eating them would be quite a waste, since you could plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk, which would provide enough roughage for a small city.
Penny: Yeah, sometimes I dont listen, sometimes I just watch your jaw go up and down.

Quote from Penny

Howard: We got this whole box for sixty bucks.
Leonard: We didn't even get to go through it all. There could be anything in here.
Penny: There a new girlfriend in there? 'cause you might need one.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: No. But there is an original final draft Ghostbusters script with actual slime stains! (Raj whispers to Leonard) Oh, you're right, it's Ghostbusters 2. Never mind.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Okay, I'm just gonna go home and make a grilled cheese and window-shop on eHarmony.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Anyway, he said this isn't a replica. It's the real deal.
Sheldon: If you're suggesting that that is the actual ring of power forged by Sauron in Mount Doom, I look at you with an expression of exhaustion and ever so slight amusement.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Mine!
Leonard: No, it is not yours. We all went in on the box together.
Sheldon: Well, yes, but I found it in the box, and the laws of maritime salvage clearly state that the finder of a sunken treasure is the owner of the treasure.
Leonard: How is this maritime salvage?
Sheldon: Other than the lack of water, how is it not?

Quote from Raj

Raj: Okay, that's a lot of money. The wise thing to do is invest it in something practical. Like a jet ski.
Howard: Why do you want a jet ski?
Raj: All the wealthy and beautiful people in movies ride Jet Skis. That can't just be a coincidence.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: We can't sell it. We have to keep it and love it and polish it, and only take it out occasionally when we go to the park and re-enact our favourite scenes from the movies.
Howard: It's sad how great that sounds.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: Guys, it's stolen. It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies, it belongs to him.
Howard: Fine. He can have it back as long as he promises to make me a hobbit in his next movie.
Raj: There are no Jewish hobbits.
Howard: Clearly, you've never been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashanah.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: All right, where's the ring?
Sheldon: You mean my ring?
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: The ring was unguarded, it was just sitting on the table, anyone could have taken it. Proof? I did.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Hey, guys. Enjoying your food that I actually brought you instead of promising food, but bringing you a box of random crap?
Leonard: Yeah, it's delicious. The sarcasm's a little stale, though.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: Will you hold on to this for a couple of days?
Penny: Why?
Leonard: It's a prop from a movie, and were kind of fighting over it.
Penny: Okay, just to be clear, the first piece of jewelery my boyfriend gives me is a prop from a movie, and I don't even get to keep it?
Howard: If you had gone out with me three years ago, by now, youd have my great Aunt Ida's brooch that she smuggled out of occupied Belgium in a cat.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: So, Sheldon, how's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?
Sheldon: It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I'd had the presence of mind to reabsorb her, then I'd have a mole with hair in it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I would advise the three of you that resistance is futile. I have endless patience. I once spent two-and-a-half hours on hold with Hewlett-Packard customer service just to complain about their customer service.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: You want to talk about endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City.
Raj: There are six seasons, dude.
Leonard: Oh, crap!
Raj: No, no, no, the sixth season is great. We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don't know if we can trust him again. It's a wild ride.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I think it's lovely you call your mommy and let her know you're going to be late for dinner. From what I know about these things, if a woman doesn't breast-feed on time, it's very uncomfortable for her boobies.
Howard: Don't you talk about my motherís boobies!
Raj: If you're offended, let go of the ring and go on home to your mother's boobies.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Excellent, excellent. Tire each other out, the ring will be mine. Howard, why don't you go after Raj's mother?
Raj: Why don't we go after your mother?
Sheldon: Go ahead. I have no illusions about my mother. She is a kind, loving, religiously fanatical right-wing Texan with a slightly out-of-scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction. Anything you'd like to add?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Waterfalls!
Raj: What?
Sheldon: Waterfalls. Crashing waves. Babbling brooks.
Howard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Subliminal messaging. I'm going to make you want to pee. Dripping faucets. Leaky gutter. Peeing.
Raj: It's not working, dude.
Sheldon: Oh-ho-ho, it's working all right. I have to pee.

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