Sheldon: You know, in difficult moments like this, I often turn to a force greater than myself.
Amy: Religion?
Sheldon: Star Trek.

Penny: Are you saying that Amy is, oh, what's the scientific word-
Sheldon: Forget science: she's horny.

Amy: Ears and genitalia.
Sheldon: Interesting. Not body parts that usually team up. What about environmental factors. Describe the scene for me?
Amy: I was sitting in a restaurant with Penny and Bernadette drinking water. Carbonated as it was a special occasion. Penny's friend Zack stopped by and said 'hello' and I said 'whoo'.
Sheldon: Who?
Amy: Zack.
Sheldon: Then why did you ask?
Amy: Ask what?
Sheldon: Who?
Amy: Zack.
Sheldon: All right, lets start over. What did you say when Zack walked in?
Amy: 'Whoo'.
Sheldon: Zack.
Amy: Why do you keep saying Zack?
Sheldon: Because you keep saying who?
Amy: I'm not saying 'whoo' now, I said 'whoo' last night.
Sheldon: And the answer is Zack, correct?
Amy: There was no question, I simply said 'whoo'.
Sheldon: All right I think I have enough to go on.

Sheldon: What is the best number? By the way, there's only one correct answer.
Raj: 5,318,008?
Sheldon: Wrong. The best number is 73. [short silence] You're probably wondering why.
Leonard & Howard: No, no, we're good.
Sheldon: 73 is the 21st prime number, its mirror 37 is the 12th and its mirror 21 is the product of multiplying, hang on to your hats, 7 and 3. Did I lie?
Leonard: We get it. 73 is the Chuck Norris of numbers.
Sheldon: Chuck Norris wishes. In binary, 73 is a palindrome, 1001001, which backwards is 1001001, exactly the same. All Chuck Norris gets you backwards is Sirron Kcuhc.
Raj: Just for the record, when you enter 5,318,008 in a calculator, upside down it spells boobies.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Did you know the iconic heart shape isn't based on an actual human heart, its based on what a woman's rear end looks like bending over
Penny: So in 8th grade, I was dotting my i's with little asses? That's cool.

Sheldon: Good grief. It's like talking to a dolphin.

Leonard: Twelve years after high school and I'm still at the nerd table.

Amy: I'm suddenly feeling flushed. My heart rate is elevated, my palms are clammy, my mouth is dry. In addition, I keep involuntarily saying hoo.
Penny: Oh, we know what's causing that, don't we?
Amy: It's no mystery. I obviously have the flu coupled with sudden-onset Tourette's syndrome.

Sheldon: Clarify something for me. Isn't the point of a communal meal the exchange of ideas and opinions, an opportunity to consider important issues of the day?
Leonard: It is. You just kinda put a damper on things when you said, 'The next person I see talking with food in their mouth will be put to death'.

Bernadette: It's what I do with Howard. I'm much smarter than he is. But it's important to protect his manhood.

Sheldon: Go, Amy Farrah Fowler. Follow your endocrine system.
Amy: Thank you, Sheldon. You are a good friend.

Howard: How did you get so brave all of a sudden?
Raj: It's easy. The spider's crawling up your arm.

Sheldon: It's illegal to spay a human being.

Sheldon: Yes, this is doctor Sheldon Cooper. Is this the Zack Johnson that used to have coitus with my neighbour Penny? Sorry to bother you. (to different person) Hello I'm looking for a Zack Johnson that used to have coitus with my neighbour Penny. Coitus. It means intercourse and I have a feeling I'm speaking to the right Zack.

Zack: Hey, Penny, how's it going?
Penny: Hey, Zack, what are you doing here?
Zack: My dad's company prints the menus for this place. I'm just dropping off some new ones, laminated. Makes 'em easier to clean if people throw up on 'em. Guess how I got the idea?
Penny: Yeah, I got it, I got it.

Amy: If you die and donate your body to science, I promise to slice your brain like Canadian bacon.

Zack: My gluteus what?

Sheldon: Possible explanations for your symptoms are, in descending order of likelihood: hyperthyroidism, premature menopause, hosting an alien parasite, or, and I only include it for the sake of covering absolutely all bases, sexual arousal.
Amy: Where would I have picked up an alien parasite?

Penny: Isn't tomorrow your usual laundry night?
Sheldon: The supermarket was out of my regular fabric softener. If this one under or over-softens, I'll need time to make things right.
Penny: That's thinking ahead.
Sheldon: The alternative would be to think backwards. And that's just remembering.

Howard: First of all, if we had superpowers, I wouldn't be the sidekick. You'd be the sidekick.
Raj: Rat-Man is nobody's sidekick.

Penny: He just didn't really challenge me on an intellectual level.
Bernadette: Couldn't you just fool around with him and then listen to NPR?
Penny: Wouldn't help. Zack couldn't even spell NPR.

Sheldon: What were the symptoms?
Amy: Elevated heart rate, moist palms, dry mouth and localized vascular throbbing.
Sheldon: Localized to what region?
Amy: Ears and genitalia.
Sheldon: Interesting. Not body parts that usually team up.

Howard: Let me ask you a question. What are you afraid of?
Raj: I don't know. Um, nuclear war. Accidentally being buried alive. Any of those movies where you get that phone call that says you're going to die, and then you do.
Howard: No. Something very specific that we both know you, Rajesh Koothrappali, are terrified of.
Raj: Well, type two diabetes runs in my family. The thought of losing a toe-
Howard: Spiders! You're afraid of spiders.

Sheldon: How about your follicle-stimulating hormone levels?
Amy: Sheldon, I am not going through menopause.
Sheldon: Are you sure? You said that with the testy bark of an old biddy.

Leonard: I suppose there are worse ways to spend a Friday night. None come to mind.

Amy: Excuse me, Zack? I am Amy Farrah Fowler. We met the other night. I have spent my life in pursuit of pure knowledge. Until I met you, my decisions were founded in logic and reason. And yet here I stand before you, one hundred and thirty pounds of raging estrogen, longing to grab hold of your gluteus maximus and make Shakespeare's metaphorical beast with two backs.
Zack: My gluteus what?
Amy: On the other hand, as I look at the blank, ape-like expression on your face, I have decided to adopt the Vulcan practice of Kolinar. Goodbye, Zack.

Leonard: Remember when you were wondering why the girls didn't want to eat with us tonight?
Howard: Yeah, I get it now.