Quotes from ‘The Bus Pants Utilization’

The Bus Pants Utilization

'The Bus Pants Utilization' - Season 4, Episode 12

When Leonard has an idea for a smartphone app, the gang get to work on developing it. Sheldon and Leonard's friendship is threatened when Sheldon tries to take over the project.

Air Date: January 6, 2011.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Ooh, Leonard is going all alpha nerd on Sheldon's ass.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm not saying that all senior citizens that can't master technology should be publicly flogged. But, if we made an example of one or two it might give the others incentive to try harder.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Last night I had a dream we got so rich from the app, you and I bought matching side by side mansions, but there was a secret tunnel connecting your front yard to my back yard. What do you think that means?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I had a great idea. Do you know how we're always having to stop and solve differential equations, like when you're doing Fourier equations or using the Schroedinger equation?
Sheldon: Howard doesn't, he's only an engineer.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hear me out. The atomic bomb was the Manhattan project, Windows 95 was Project Chicago, for our app I humbly suggest Project Nodlehs.

Quote from Stuart

Sheldon: I've loved the theremin from the first moment I heard the original Star Trek theme. And it's been killing me that it just sits in my closet, gathering dust.
Leonard: Sheldon, we're working here!
Sheldon: That's all right. I can barely hear you over my theremin. (Leonard pulls the plug) Well, that was a little uncalled for.
Leonard: No, that was completely called for. We need quiet.
Sheldon: So, your project is more important than mine?
Leonard: Well, seeing as your project is to sabotage my project, yes.
Sheldon: Dont beat around the bush, Leonard. If you dont want me here, just say the word, and Ill leave.
(cut to Sheldon in the hallway outside the apartment)
Sheldon: Could have beaten around the bush a little.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: # Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows my sorrow. #

Quote from Howard

Howard: A few extra bucks would be nice. I could finally move out of my mother's house.
Raj: Where would you go?
Howard: I always dreamed about building a little place of my own over the garage.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: She befriends them and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea, which she steals and sells to the highest bidder.
Leonard: That's ridiculous.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? Well, let's see you come up with an explanation as to why this woman hangs out with us all the time.
Penny: Oh, great. You know what? I've already mooched dinner off you guys. I don't need to listen to this.
Howard: There's your answer: free food.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Hey, why am I in charge of phone support? Seems a bit racist.
Sheldon: A customer service representative with an Indian accent will create the impression that we're a vast enterprise that uses overseas call centers.
Raj: Oh, very clever. But still racist.
Sheldon: Duly noted, Steve from Wichita.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Why am I listed as your executive assistant?
Sheldon: Because the word secretary has fallen into disrepute. FYI, my mother's birthday is coming up. I'm going to need you to pick up a present.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Look at the organizational chart. You're clearly listed as founder.
Leonard: Well, yes, and you're listed as Chief Executive Officer, Chief Financial Officer and Chief Operating Officer.
Sheldon: You missed Chief Science Officer, Chairman of the Board, and Head of the Secret Santa Committee.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: All right, I suppose I'll go put on my bus pants.
Leonard: What the hell are bus pants?
Sheldon: They are pants one wears over one's regular pants when one sits on bus seats that other people have previously sat on. But perhaps from your lofty heights atop the corporate ladder, you've lost touch with the struggles of the common man.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I think we should take a picture to capture this moment.
Leonard: Yeah! (Fart noise)
Raj: Was that the best 99 cents I ever spent, or what!

Quote from Howard

Howard: Ma, Ma, calm down. Listen to me. I know it says click with the mouse, but on a laptop, the trackpad is the mouse. Now, put your finger on it. Doesn't matter which finger. Good choice. Now move it down to your e-mail icon. Yeah, the little envelope. What do you mean, what does it look like? It looks like an envelope! Fine, you don't like the computer, don't use it! Sure, we can exchange it for a salad spinner. Goodbye!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You know, Leonard, that's actually a valid idea. Very good.
Leonard: Can you say that and not make it sound like I'm a cat who learned how to use the toilet?
Sheldon: No. The two achievements are equally surprising and equally admirable. Though if pressed, I'd have to give a slight edge to the cat.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: I'll save you the pain and nervousness of waiting for the answer. I agree to be part of your project. Congratulations.
Leonard: Oh, yay for me.

Quote from Raj

Raj: You know, if I made more money, I could take time off from work and give pretty girls submarine rides.
Howard: What's that? Some weird sex thing?
Raj: No. You take pretty girls underwater in your private submarine, and you show them fish. Why does everything have to be dirty with you?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I checked the App Store. No one is doing handwriting recognition differential equation solving.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, shush.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You have so few good ideas, Leonard. And you're just going to spill the beans in front of an outsider?
Penny: Who, me?
Howard: Sheldon, I don't think Penny cares about handwriting recognition-based differential...
Sheldon: (singing over them) The stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: She's not going to steal our idea.
Penny: What idea?
Leonard: We're gonna write an application...
Sheldon: (singing) The prairie sky is wide and high, deep in the heart...
Penny: Okay, stop, stop!
Sheldon: (Meekly) Of Texas.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Whatever your secret is, I'm sure it's boring, so I'm not interested.
Leonard: It's not boring at all. You see, in higher order mathematics, there are certain sets of equations that...
Penny: Bored.
Leonard: Satisfied?
Sheldon: Hardly. Consider this unlikely but very plausible scenario. A young woman alone in the big city, her ridiculous dream of becoming an actress lies shattered about her.
Penny: Hey, wait a minute.
Howard: Well, hang on. Let's see where he's going.
Sheldon: Then it hits her. How is she going to survive? I mean, she has no prospects, no marketable skills. And then one day, she meets a group of geniuses and their friend Howard.
Howard: Hey...
Penny: Hang on. Let's see where he's going.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: All right. All right, I'm not going to argue with you. Sheldon Cooper is nothing if not a team player. Dr. Hofstadter, you have the conn.
Leonard: Thank you. I thought we might start by talking about the user interface.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, we're doomed.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: So this button here will allow you to scan a new equation, but over here, you can press this and just substitute new values for the coefficients.
Sheldon: Good one, boss.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: This diagram. I assume you were opening with a joke. It certainly buoyed up this employee's esprit de corps.
Leonard: It's not a joke. It's the real design.
Sheldon: In that case, may I offer 27 little tweaks to make it slightly less embarrassing?

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: We're not wasting time with names right now.
Sheldon: I see. Is that decision open for discussion?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Is the decision to not discuss it open for discussion?
Leonard: No.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I call for a vote of no confidence and an immediate change in leadership.
Leonard: Oh, Sheldon, stop it.
Sheldon: When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary to dissolve the bonds that tie three competent scientists together...

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: That's enough, Sheldon.
Sheldon: All right, let's get right to the vote. Show of hands all those opposed to Leonard and his reign of tyranny.
Leonard: Okay, that's it. You're fired.
Sheldon: Really? Why?
Leonard: Because you're impossible to work with.
Sheldon: I see. And is that open for discussion?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Oh. Good morning, shoemaker. I think you'll be pleased with what the elves were up to last night.
Leonard: But I fired you.
Sheldon: Oh, I know. I'm now an independent contractor.
Leonard: No, you are now nothing. You have no connection to this project whatsoever.
Sheldon: But I made it better.
Leonard: I don't want it better. I want it my way.
Sheldon: Well, that speaks volumes, doesn't it?

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Look, I'm still happy to drive you to work. Nothing's changed in that regard. We're still roommates. We're still friends.
Sheldon: Except you identified me, your best friend, as a gangrenous limb that needed to be severed from the organism and tossed away. The desperate act of a little man with a big Napoleon complex.
Leonard: You know what? Go put on your bus pants.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Good morning, friend Howard, friend Raj. I see you gentlemen are enjoying beverages. Perhaps they would taste better out of these.
Raj: "World's Greatest Astrophysicist"?
Sheldon: Don't thank me. You earned it.
Howard: "Howard Wolowitz". Why not "World's Greatest Engineer"?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. I typed that into the label maker, but I just couldn't press enter.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Now, down to business. What would it take for you to abandon Leonard and join me in a rival company? Unless, of course, the mugs are sufficient, in which case, welcome aboard.
Howard: We're not quitting on Leonard.
Sheldon: I understand. And your loyalty is admirable. But what if I were to up the ante?
Raj: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: Monogrammed key chains with a built-in laser pointer. No? How about can cosies emblazoned with our university mascot? Go Beavers!
I'll be back.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Okay, let's try this one. Spherical Hankel function.
Leonard: Hold on. That's it!
Howard: Eureka!
Raj: Hey, we agreed when it was Eureka time, we were all gonna say it together.
Howard: Fine. Let's say it together.
Raj: No. The moment has passed.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Greetings, gentlemen. How goes your little project?
Raj: You mean, Project Leonwoloppali?
Sheldon: Ah, a combination of all your names. Very clever. I assume Koothranardowitz was taken?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Playing the theremin.
Leonard: No. I mean, what are you doing with a theremin?
Sheldon: Playing it.

Quote from Penny

Penny: What you doing? Trying to contact your home planet?
Sheldon: I'm practicing my theremin.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Hey, you don't need Leonard and his app. You can make one with me.
Sheldon: With you?
Penny: Seriously, I have a great idea for one.
Sheldon: Is it better than your idea to move to Los Angeles and become a famous actress?
Penny: Okay, look. When you see someone wearing shoes you like, you just snap a picture of them, and the app goes on the Internet to find out where you can buy them.
Sheldon: That's your app idea?
Penny: Well, you don't like it?
Sheldon: I didn't say that. But no, I don't.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: Oh, Penny, where do I begin? The simple-mindedness of your idea is exceeded only by its crass consumerism and banality.
Penny: And Leonard didn't want to work with you? Imagine that.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Sheldon, I'm gonna make some cocoa. Do you want some?
Sheldon: Do you make it with milk or water?
Penny: Milk.
Sheldon: Real cocoa?
Penny: That's what it says on the packet.
Sheldon: Do you have those little marshmallows?
Penny: No, sorry.
Sheldon: Well, I suppose it's appropriate.
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: A disappointing drink for a disappointing day.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Hey, look at this. Twenty people from the university have already signed up for our private beta.
Leonard: I'm telling you, the Lenwoloppali Differential Equation Scanner meets a real need. We've got a hit.
Raj: What do you think we should sell it for?
Howard: Well, based on the fact that our potential market is about seventy or eighty guys, and you want a submarine, I'd say about a million dollars a pop.
Raj: Well, what if we put out a lite version for half a million? You know, get the word of mouth going.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Hi. I'm sorry to bother you guys, but you've got to come take your Sheldon back.
Leonard: What's he doing in your apartment?
Penny: Well, he was moping down in the lobby, so I invited him over and now I regret it.
Leonard: Why do you regret - Uh, never mind, stupid question.

Quote from Howard

Penny: Look, can't you just let him play with you until bedtime?
Leonard: We're not playing. This is real work.
Howard: We're going to be hundred-aires.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Okay, how about this? You know how you're always trying to learn about sarcasm?
Sheldon: No.
Penny: No?
Sheldon: I was being sarcastic.
Penny: Oh. Good for you.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Okay, now that you're back on the team, let's get you caught up.
Sheldon: Before you begin, let me say again how deeply sorry I am for my earlier behavior, and how much I respect and admire your leadership.
Leonard: Thank you. So as you can see, not only can you store your favorite equations, but you can forward them to your friends or post them on Facebook right from the app.
Sheldon: Well, I must say, I am impressed.
Leonard: Thanks.
Sheldon: You all have clearly put in a lot of hard work.
Howard: We have.
Sheldon: As a result, you have taken the most important step on the road to success, learning what not to do. Now, let's start fresh. Howard, we're going to need some tea.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Okay, these are Uggs. These are Crocs. These are knockoff Manolo Blahniks.
Sheldon: Bored.
Penny: Look, you said it yourself, we have to create a database before you can write an alga-thingy.
Sheldon: Algorithm. You see, Penny, Alan Turing defined an algorithm...
Penny: Bored.

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