Penny: Oh, big deal. Not knowing is part of the fun.
Sheldon: "Not knowing is part of the fun." Was that the motto of your community college?

Rajesh: Why so glum, chum?
Sheldon: Apparently you can't hack into a government supercomputer and then try to buy uranium without the Department of Homeland Security tattling to your mother.

Sheldon: So, you're saying this is a regulation deck?
Howard: I'm saying believe in magic, you muggle.

Leonard: Okay, uh, how do I put this? Um, are you familiar with Darwin's observation of the finches in the Galapagos Islands?
Penny: Did they make a movie about it?
Leonard: No.
Penny: Then no.

Sheldon: If you plan on having children I suggest you switch from briefs to boxers. Your testicles look a tad warm.

Sheldon: All right, pick a card.
Howard: Okay.
Sheldon: Bippity-boppity-boo.
Howard: What's with the wand and the beep?
Sheldon: The wand is called showmanship, and the beep is none of your business. Oh, excuse me, I'm getting a text message completely unrelated to this magic trick. Oh, look, my dry cleaning's ready. And your card was the five of spades. Ta-da.
Raj: These cards have bar-codes on them. The wand is a reader. It's transmitting to your phone.
Sheldon: I said, ta-da. Show's over.

Howard: Hey, Raj, wanna see a new magic trick I've been working on?
Sheldon: Howard, if I may interject here with a piece of friendly advice. Is working on magic tricks really how you want to spend your time? Granted, you're just an engineer, but that doesn't mean you might not someday build a geegaw or a thingamabob that may get you a thank you in someone else's Nobel prize acceptance speech.

Leonard: Nice to know everything's OK with your plumbing. Err, the building's plumbing.

Leonard: Well, now hold on, how about this? How about we still hang out, but on the down-low?
Penny: Are you really that kind of guy?
Leonard: No. I actually felt kinda silly just saying on the down-low.

Sheldon: Pick a card, Sheldon. Now look at it and put it back in the deck. Now do you remember your card? Of course I do, I have an eidetic memory.

Leonard: Hypothetically, if I had access to a lieutenant Uhura uniform, would you wear it?
Priya: Leonard, it is a source of great pain to me and my family that my brother has that outfit in his wardrobe.

Priya: It's a little weird your ex-girlfriend hanging out here all the time.
Leonard: I know. I usually never see my ex-girlfriends, unless their hard drives crash.

Priya: You have such beautiful eyes. Have you ever thought about getting contacts?
Leonard: I tried in the seventh grade. I could never get used to them.
Priya: Oh, that's too bad.
Leonard: Yeah, if I had contacts I would have been the coolest debate club president ever to be stuffed into his own cello case.

Leonard: Last night, me wanting to try that stuff out of the Kama Sutra, was that fun for you or kinda racially insensitive?
Priya: Yeah, just because you're in bed with an Indian woman, you think that gives you permission to use crazy positions from an ancient Indian love manual?
Leonard: Hey, if you can find a book called Weird Sex with White Boys, I'd be okay with that.

Penny: Hey, look at Leonard in his fancy-ass grownup clothes. Way to go, Priya. For once, he doesn't look like a mannequin in the boys' department.

Howard: And was your card the jack of diamonds?
Penny: Oh, unbelievable! Know how he did it yet?
Sheldon: Umm...
Penny: Aww, he has the same look my little nephew gets when he can't figure out how I got his nose.
Howard: You know, I have some remedial magic tricks that might be more your speed. Like, ooh, look! The pencil's rubber!

Priya: Why didn't you wear your contacts? Don't you like them?
Leonard: No, no, I do. Its just I knew I was having curry tonight and I only want one part of my body to burn at a time.

Leonard: Holy crap, are you connected to the Oak Ridge National Laboratory?
Sheldon: Yes. I'm using their Cray Supercomputer to analyze shuffling patterns.
Leonard: Sheldon, that computer is used for national defense. Hacking into it is a federal crime.
Sheldon: Relax, we're not under attack right now.
Leonard: Okay, I'm leaving before the black helicopters get here.

Priya: So did you get to talk to Penny?
Leonard: Oh, yes. Indeed, I did.
Priya: And?
Leonard: She completely understood everything I said. Case closed.
Priya: Was she upset?
Leonard: Maybe, but that's not my problem. She's not my girlfriend, you are.
Priya: I hope you weren't cruel to her.
Leonard: Is the autumn cruel for letting the flowers die, or is that just nature's way?

Leonard: Oh, hi.
Penny: Hey, you. What happened with the contacts?
Leonard: One of them's upstairs. The other one sort of slipped back into my skull.

Penny: Hey, I think I know how you did the card trick.
Sheldon: Oh. Oh, please. If I don't know, you don't know. That's axiomatic.
Penny: Come here. (Whispers theory to Howard)
Howard: You're right.
Penny: Not too bad for someone who doesn't know what axiomatic means.

Priya: You need to cut the cord with Penny.
Leonard: Oh. Okay.
Priya: You don't sound very confident.
Leonard: No, no, I'm confident. It's not like I'm unfamiliar with the get lost conversation. Although, this will be the first time Illl be the one saying it.

Priya: How many Star Trek uniforms do you have?
Leonard: Just two. Everyday and dress.

Howard: So you finally getting used to them doing it on a daily basis?
Penny: I'm not going out with him. He can sleep with whoever he wants.
Howard: Yeah, I was talking to Raj.
Penny: Oopsy.

Howard: That's your card, right?
Penny: Seven of clubs! That is amazing!
Sheldon: It's not amazing. All magic tricks are merely a combination of manipulation and misdirection with the occasional dwarf in a box wiggling his feet.
Howard: Oh, really? So how did I do it?
Sheldon: Well, I don't care how you did it. I have more important things to think about. Clearly, the cards are marked.
Howard: I thought you had more important things to think about.
Sheldon: I do. You just happen to have caught me on a break.

Sheldon: It's not cool. It's a childish trick designed to confuse and intrigue simpletons. How'd you do it?
Howard: A magician never reveals his secrets. But surely a future Nobel prize winner can figure it out.
Sheldon: Fine. Give me a second.
Howard: You ever notice when he thinks real hard, it smells like bacon?

Penny: You know, well, I'm happy Leonard's found someone. Not that anybody asked.

Leonard: Is it racist that I took you to an Indian restaurant?
Priya: It's okay, I like Indian food.
Leonard: Or as you probably call it back home, food.

Penny: Hey, did he tell you I saved the silk shirt?
Priya: No, he did not.
Penny: He was gonna throw it in the washing machine with his Spider-man underwear. That's our Lenny, huh?
Priya: Yes, that's our Lenny.