Quotes from ‘The Engagement Reaction’

The Engagement Reaction

'The Engagement Reaction' - Season 4, Episode 23

After Howard finally tells his mother he's engaged to Bernadette, she ends up in the hospital. Meanwhile, it's bad news for Leonard as Penny and Priya bond.

Air Date: May 12, 2011.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Sheldon, that's my water.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord!
Leonard: That's not your water.
Raj: I know.

Quote from Howard

Priya: Indian parents are very protective of their children.
Howard: Right. Whereas Jewish mothers take a casual la-di-da approach to their sons.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Hell hound.
Raj: Who let the satanic dogs out?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, what fresh hell is this?
Biosuit Nurse: Wait, you can't leave here, you've been exposed.
Sheldon: (Covering his face with his shirt) No, I haven't. It's all good.

Quote from Bernadette

Priya: What happened?
Bernadette: Howard's mother had a heart attack because I have sex with him and she can't.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: 'He drank from Leonard`s glass' - the words they will be carving into my tombstone.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I'm the king of foreplay.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Howard, I have to go to the bathroom and no one will take me home.
Howard: What's wrong with the bathroom here?
Sheldon: Pneumococcus, streptococcus, staphylococcus and other sort of cocusses.
Howard: Sheldon, my mother is on her deathbed and my fiance is grief-stricken over putting her there. I'm NOT taking you home!
Sheldon: Will you at least go with me to the restroom here so you can open the door and flush the urinal?
Howard: No!
Sheldon: This might be a good time to point out, Howard, that friendship requires a certain give and take.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Rotting Zombie. Sheldon's new Facebook picture.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Oh you're going to jibber jabber about jibber jabber.

Quote from Howard

Wolowitz: Have you told your parents you're dating this short glass of skim milk?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I gargled with tequila. I may have swallowed a tiny bit.
Leonard: You all right?
Sheldon: Fine, thank you for asking. I love you so much.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: You're a putz. Do you what that means?
Howard: Yeah. Do you?

Quote from Howard

Leonard: Does your family have a history of heart disease?
Wolowitz: My family is the history of heart disease. There's a cave painting in France of one of my ancestors doing this. *Mimics heart attack*

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: Zandor, wizard of the north. Ha! I win!
Howard: If you skip the part about under a two week quarantine because you were exposed to a deadly disease, absolutely.

Priya: My brother had a group of friends like this in India. They dressed up in leotards and goggles and called themselves the New Delhi Power Rangers.
Penny: How old were they?
Priya: Not as young as you'd want them to be.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Hey, do me a favor and take table seven.
Bernadette: You mean the one with my one hundred and eighteen-pound rock-hard stud of a fianc who's prone to canker sores and pinkeye?
Penny: Nah, I prefer to look at it as the one with my ex-boyfriend and his gorgeous, successful and sophisticated girlfriend, who makes me feel like a toothless Okie.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Do you want me to spill hot soup on her?
Penny: Oh, please, you're not that kind of person.
Bernadette: I know. But if she orders something low-fat I'll totally give her the full-fat version.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Uh, that's my water.
Sheldon: What?
Leonard: My water. You're drinking it.
Sheldon: Dear Lord! Have you been drinking it?
Leonard: Yes. It's my water.
Sheldon: Well, that's it then. I'm dead.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, do I really need to connect the dots for you? The backwash into this glass is every pathogen that calls your mouth home, sweet home. Not to mention the visitors who arrive on the dancing tongue of your subtropical girlfriend.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Hey! That's my sister and my country you're talking about. Leonard may have defiled one, but I won't have you talking smack about the other.

Quote from Sheldon

Bernadette: You guys ready to order?
Sheldon: Yes, Id like a seven-day course of penicillin, some, uh, syrup of ipecac to induce vomiting, and a mint.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: That's actually my napkin.
Sheldon: Oh, this is a nightmare!
Howard: Where are you going?
Sheldon: To the bar, to sterilize my mouth with alcohol. Gangway, dead man walking!

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: All right. Here you go. Two lemonades, one iced tea and a root beer for Priya.
Priya: Is it diet?
Bernadette: That's what you ordered.

Quote from Howard

Priya: Hey, have you and Howard started planning your wedding yet?
Bernadette: Yeah. Were thinking of having it on a cliff overlooking the ocean.
Howard: Nothing soothes those pre-wedding jitters like the thought of falling and drowning.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: What did your mother say when you told her you were getting married?
Bernadette: He hasn't told her yet. He's waiting for the right time.
Howard: I was thinking of weaving it into her eulogy.

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: Fire demon.
Raj: Ooh, fire demon. Sheldon's turning up the heat.
Howard: Troll master.
Raj: Check it! Howard pulls one out from under the bridge. Nice!
Leonard: Water nymph.
Raj: Oh, yeah, she's got puddles in all the right places.
Sheldon: Could you please play the game without commenting on every card?
Raj: Sorry. Walking tree.
Sheldon: Last one.
Raj: I'm taking a stroll and I'm sporting wood.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Okay, the Eagle has landed.
Leonard: What's going on?
Howard: Bernadette and my mother are having a get-to-know-you lunch at the Old Town Deli.
Raj: Oh, that sounds lovely.
Howard: Hope so. Of course, if history is any indication, my mother will swallow her whole and spit out her bones like an owl.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: Have you met Bernadette's parents?
Howard: You mean Adolf and Eva? Not yet. One goose step at a time.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Howard: Ma, I'm home! Where are you?
Mrs. Wolowitz: I'm in the toilet.
Howard: So, how'd it go?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Too soon to say. I'm not done yet.
Howard: No, I mean lunch, today, with Bernadette.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh! I had a pastrami sandwich. She had eggplant lasagna. Like that's what a person orders in a Jewish deli.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Howard: Besides food, did you get along? Did you talk?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh, sure. Did you know she's going to school to become a microbiologist?
Howard: No, she never mentioned it.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I bet she did and you didn't listen.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Howard: So, what do you think? Do you like her? She's great, huh?
Mrs. Wolowitz: She's a lovely girl. Cute as a button.
Howard: That's good to hear, 'cause I've got some news.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I hope it's good news, because I've got nothing but disappointment in here!

Quote from Penny

Penny: Hey.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: Haven't seen you in a while. How's it going?
Sheldon: Oh, other than waiting out the exponential growth period of the virulent organisms trooping through my micro-villi into my circulatory system, hunky-dory. (Penny laughs) Did I say something amusing?
Penny: I don't know. Maybe, I have no idea what you said.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: So your mirth is merely a discharge of nervous energy with no semantic content at all?
Penny: My mirth. Classic.
Sheldon: Is there a station coming up where I can board your giggling train of thought?
Penny: It's not a big deal, Sheldon. It's just, ever since Leonard's been dating Raj's sister, I've had to keep my distance. I don't get to hear all your jibber-jabber.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Howard and his mother are at the hospital. Come on, we gotta go.
Penny: Oh, my God! What happened?
Leonard: I don't know, I just got a text. Come on, hurry.
Penny: Okay.
Leonard: Sheldon, let's go!
Sheldon: To a hospital? Full of sick people? Oh, I don't think so.
Penny: Okay, well, your friend and his mother are there, we're going.
Sheldon: I can't.
Penny: Oh, don't tell me you're afraid of germs.
Sheldon: Not all germs. Just the ones that will kill me. It's the same way I'm not afraid of all steak knives, just the ones that might be plunged in my thorax.
Leonard: Right, fine. I'll tell Howard you didn't come because you're more concerned about your own well-being than his.
Sheldon: I would think he would know that.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Okay, you know what? You are unbelievable. You buy all these superhero T-shirts, but when it's time for you to step up and do the right thing, you just hide in the laundry room.
Sheldon: Fine, I'll go. Just for the record, my Aunt Ruth died in a hospital. She went in to visit my Uncle Roger, caught something and bit the dust a week later. The two of them now share a coffee can on my mother's mantel.

Quote from Penny

Howard: So I knocked down the bathroom door, picked up my poor unconscious mother, carried her to the car, and drove like a madman to the emergency room.
Bernadette: You're a real hero, Howard.
Howard: No, I did what any son would do.
Penny: Hang on a second, you picked up your mother? Her own legs are barely able to do that.
Howard: I was filled with adrenaline. It happens to be how women lift cars off babies.
Penny: Yeah, I'm saying, it'd be easier to lift a car.

Quote from Howard

Howard: What can I tell you? After I found the courage to put her pants back on, I was unstoppable.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: So, how is she?
Howard: They're running tests. I don't know. It may have been a heart attack or heart-attack-like event.
Penny: What's the difference?
Sheldon: A heart-attack-like event is an event that's like a heart attack.
Penny: Thanks for clearing that up.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Regardless, coronary problems are eminently treatable. What's more likely going to kill Howard's mother are the antibiotic-resistant super-bugs festering in every nook and cranny of this hospital.
Penny: Okay, you're not helping.
Sheldon: Disagree.

Quote from Penny

Bernadette: So it's probably genetic.
Howard: Well, maybe. Mom also had just gotten some news that might have upset her.
Bernadette: What?
Howard: It's not important.
Bernadette: Come on, Howard, I'm going to be your wife. You can share anything with me.
Howard: You'd think that. But no.
Bernadette: You told her we were going to get married and she had a heart attack?
Howard: You can't take that personally.
Penny: How else is she supposed to take it?

Quote from Howard

Howard: What you've got to keep in mind is that ever since my dad left, I've been the whole world to my mother. I mean, she'd be threatened by any woman who can give me what she can't.
Bernadette: You mean sexual intercourse?
Howard: Well, when you say it like that you make it sound creepy.

Quote from Penny

Priya: Nice of you to come for Howard.
Penny: Well, he's my friend. It's what you do. (Laughs)
Priya: I'm sorry, did I miss something?
Penny: It's just so weird. Howard Wolowitz is my friend. You know, once he tried to stick his tongue down my throat and I broke his nose.
Priya: That's a little easier to believe than he's your friend.
Penny: Yeah, tell me about it.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: That's nice that they're getting along.
Raj: Your girlfriend and your ex-girlfriend are hanging out together? Oh, yeah, that can only be good for you.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Raj: One of them broke up with you. Do you really want her telling the other one why?
Leonard: I don't care. I don't have anything to hide.
Raj: Good, good. Then you have nothing to worry about.
Leonard: No, I do not. You are a mean little man.

Quote from Howard

Raj: You'd think it'd be because my parents didn't love me, but actually they loved me a great deal.
Howard: Bernie, it's not you. She's just set in her ways.
Bernadette: How can we be together if the thought of us getting married might kill your mother?
Howard: It's the circle of life, sweetie. One day our son will marry someone and it will kill you.

Quote from Howard

Doctor: Mr. Wolowitz?
Howard: Is she okay?
Doctor: It wasn't a heart attack. She's awake, she's resting comfortably. We're still running a few tests.
Howard: Can I see her?
Doctor: Actually, she said, and I quote, she'd like to see the little Catholic girl first.
Bernadette: Me? Why me?
Howard: Jews have been asking that for centuries. There's no real good answer.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Okay, well, wish me luck.
Howard: Dont worry, you'll be fine. Let's just hide Mr. Cross. If it touches her, it burns.

Quote from Howard

Doctor: You brought a Catholic girl home to your mother?
Howard: Yeah.
Doctor: Why don't I write you a prescription for Xanax.

Quote from Penny

Penny: You want to talk about crazy mothers, Leonard's mom wouldn't give him any sort of approval growing up.
Priya: Oh, the poor thing.
Penny: It makes him desperate to please women. That's why the foreplay goes on and on.
Priya: It does, doesn't it?
Penny: It's like he's trying to win a prize. A word of advice, don't doze off. You will never hear the end of it.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: Every once in a while, before we'd go to bed, I'd put on a little show for her.
Raj: What do you mean, a show?
Leonard: Well, you know, the way I took my clothes off.
Raj: Like, to music?
Leonard: I'd look pretty stupid if there was no music.
Raj: So you'd do a striptease?
Leonard: I wasn't swinging around a pole.
Raj: Good, good.
Leonard: There was one time I put body glitter on.
Raj: Well, I don't think you have to worry about Penny telling my sister that.
Leonard: No, she wouldn't.
Raj: Your big problem is me telling her.
Leonard: You really are a mean little man.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: She thinks she got food poisoning from that deli and she just wanted to make sure I was okay.
Howard: And are you?
Bernadette: No, because I'm engaged to a putz! You let me believe I was the reason she had a heart attack.
Howard: Well, based on the available evid-
Bernadette: Shut up! She said I'm a wonderful girl and that you're lucky to have me.
Howard: Where are you going?
Bernadette: (sounding like Mrs. Wolowitz) To the toilet! Is that okay with you?

Quote from Howard

Howard: Is it just me, or does she sound sexy when she's angry?

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: Zandor, Wizard of the North. Ha! I win.
Howard: If you skip the part about being under a two-week quarantine because you were exposed to a deadly disease, absolutely.

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