Quotes from ‘The Wiggly Finger Catalyst’

The Wiggly Finger Catalyst

'The Wiggly Finger Catalyst' - Season 5, Episode 4

Penny introduces Raj to a girl he can communicate with - albeit with help from Howard. Meanwhile, Sheldon frees up his mind by leaving trivial decisions to the roll of the dice.

Air Date: October 6, 2011.

Quote from Howard

Penny: (Whispers) Here she comes.
Howard: Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick doesn't hear you!

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. You manage to open it only to find yourself face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre. What do you do?
Howard: I say, "Hey Ma, what's for dinner?"

Quote from Raj

Penny: This girl is trouble. What kind of relationship is it where you buy her gifts and she gives you sex?
Raj: The best one I've ever had!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: The dice giveth and the dice taketh away.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: I don't know if I wanna play any more.
Sheldon: Because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, good lord, if that becomes a reason to not play dungeons and dragons, this game is in serious trouble.

Quote from Howard

Raj: I was so smooth on that date.
Howard: Dude, I made you smooth. You were an idiot.
Raj: Whatever, dude. She kissed me.
Howard: It might have been on your lips, but it was my kiss.
Raj: Oh, fine. Let's agree she kissed both of us.
Howard: Okay.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: See, as you know, a few years ago I achieve one of my lesser dreams and became a notary public. Well, from time to time, I notarize banking documents for Raj. The Koothrappalis aren't just rich. They're Richie Rich rich.
Penny: Well, so how much is that?
Sheldon: About halfway between Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.

Quote from Raj

Howard: She says, do you play an instrument?
Raj: No, but when I was six years old, I tried to start a band called Frankie Goes To Bollywood. But I couldn't get any boys to join, so my parents asked the servants to be my backing dancers. Wait, when you sign servants, don't sign it like I'm bragging. Sign it in a way that I sound humble with just a hint of, that's right, I had servants.
Howard: Do you hear yourself?
Raj: Yes, but she doesn't. So get signing, hand monkey.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Tell her I have a deep sexy voice like James Earl Jones.
Howard: She doesn't know what James Earl Jones sounds like.
Raj: Great. Then she won't know I'm lying.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: Hey, how go the wedding plans, Howard?
Howard: Great. We spent five hours last night at Macy's registering for gifts. Looks like I'm finally going to have that darling little earthenware asparagus dish I've always wanted.

Quote from Raj

Howard: He likes your eyes.
Raj: You're making me sound like a caveman.
Howard: She says, "thank you, and you have nice eyes, too."
Raj: Really? Ask her how many children she wants, and whatever number she says, say me too.
Howard: No.

Quote from Dr. Koothrappali

Raj: Oh, Mummy, Daddy. What a nice surprise.
Dr. Koothrappali: No, it's not a nice surprise, it's a bad surprise.

Quote from Dr. Koothrappali

Mrs. Koothrappali: She told us you're spending all our money on your new girlfriend.
Raj: I just got her a couple of things. She gives me things, too.
Dr. Koothrappali: Yeah, yeah, I'm a gynecologist. I know exactly what she gives you.

Quote from Dr. Koothrappali

Raj: Well, I choose love.
Dr. Koothrappali: Hah! You're an idiot. Love doesn't last.
Well, he's going to find out eventually.
Think about it.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: See, this is the good thing about having a girlfriend 9,000 miles away. I can spend my nights doing whatever I want.
Howard: You mean like playing nerd games with us and then taking a suspiciously long shower?
Leonard: Maybe.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: We enter the dungeon.
Sheldon: You see a dragon.
Howard: Really? So we're playing Dungeons and Dragons, and we walk into a dungeon and see a dragon? Isn't that a little on the nose?
Sheldon: When you play Chutes and Ladders, do you complain about all the chutes and all the ladders?

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Are you gonna eat that whole pie?
Raj: Maybe. Why not? Who do I have in my life to watch my figure for?
Leonard: Oh, God, did you watch Bridget Jones again?
Raj: No, its just that everybody's got someone. Sheldon's with Amy, Howard's getting married, you're dating my sister.
Leonard: Now that Howard's getting married, maybe he'll inflate one of his old girlfriends for you.

Quote from Raj

Raj: You know who I blame for my loneliness? The United States of America. Your movies and your TV shows promised streets paved with beautiful blond women with big bazongas.
Howard: Eat another pie, youll have your own bazongas.
Raj: That's cruel. You know it goes straight to my hips.

Quote from Bernadette

Amy: So, Bernadette, how's the wedding planning going? And I'm not asking as a prospective bridesmaid. Pick me! Pick me!
Bernadette: We went cake-tasting yesterday. Raj came along. He cried and ate half the samples.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: You know, I met a really cute girl at work. She's married to a guy in one of our drug trials.
Penny: Well, hello? She's married.
Bernadette: Yeah, but her husband is in serious congestive heart failure, and a little birdie told me he's in the placebo group.
Penny: Okay, so future grief-stricken widow is the one to beat.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Let's see what I'll be washing that succotash down with. A pitcher of margaritas.
Leonard: Do you really want that?
Sheldon: That's the great thing. It doesn't matter. My mind is freed up to think about more important things.
Raj: What's it thinking about now?
Sheldon: Hamburgers and lemonade.

Quote from Raj

Howard: She says it's nice to meet you.
Raj: Does she really mean that or was she signing it sarcastically?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: And now for dessert, come on, hot fudge sundae, come on, hot fudge sundae. Bam! That's what I'm talking about!

Quote from Raj

Raj: Okay, as soon as she gets here, so she knows I'm cool with it, I'm going to make a joke about her being deaf. I was thinking, hey, did you hear the one about..? Oh, no, I bet you didn't.
Howard: Maybe we should revisit your lonely fat guy plan.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Tell her, her eyes shimmer like opalescent lilies in the lake of the palace of the celestial maidens.
Howard: Really? That's the first thing you want to say?
Raj: I worked on it all night. Use it.
Howard: Look, I don't know the sign for opalescent.
Raj: Then spell it.
Howard: I don't know how to spell it.
Raj: You're blowing this for me!

Quote from Raj

Howard: He likes your eyes.
Raj: You're making me sound like a caveman.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Let's see, what else can I tell you about me that would make you like me? Ooh, I love music. Do you love music?
Howard: You really want to ask her that?
Raj: You're right. Everyone loves music.

Quote from Raj

Howard: She says, do you play an instrument?
Raj: No, but when I was six years old, I tried to start a boy band called Frankie Goes to Bollywood. But I couldn't get any other boys to join, so my parents asked the servants to be my backup dancers. Wait, when you sign servants, don't sign it like I'm bragging. Sign it in a way that I sound humble with just a hint of, that's right, I had servants.
Howard: Do you hear yourself?
Raj: Yes, but she doesn't. So get signing, hand monkey.

Quote from Howard

Howard: This is her car. She hopes she can see you again sometime.
Raj: Good, good. Oh, boy, help me out here. Does she want me to kiss her or not?
Howard: I speak sign language, I don't read minds.
Raj: If you were me, would you kiss her?
Howard: Yeah, but I'm a make out king.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Mustache is looking good there, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Don't thank me. Thank the dice. They told me what percentage of my face to shave.
Howard: Why are you still doing this?
Sheldon: Because it's working. In the past few weeks, unburdened by trivial decisions, I've co-authored two papers in notable peer-reviewed journals, and I'm close to figuring out why the Large Hadron Collider has yet to isolate the Higgs boson particle.
Leonard: You left out, got chafed testicles because you no longer wear underpants.

Quote from Penny

Howard: Here's some other fun news on the Raj/Emily front. He gave her a pair of diamond earrings and leased her a car.
Penny: You're kidding.
Leonard: You think she's taking advantage of him?
Penny: Oh, of course not. She wouldn't do something like that. She's deaf.
Leonard: Deaf women can't be gold diggers?
Penny: Handicapped people are nice, Leonard. Everyone knows that.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Yeah, I actually have information about Raj that would be helpful with this discussion.
Leonard: Could you tell us?
Sheldon: Let's see. (Rolls dice) Snake eyes. Sorry, bud.
Penny: Wait, hang on. Doubles. Roll again.
Sheldon: Okay, get this. It doesn't matter if he's showering her with gifts, because the Koothrappalis are vastly wealthy.
Penny: What do you mean, vastly wealthy?
Sheldon: Well, wealthy means a lot of money, and vastly means even more. I'm not sure what's tripping you up.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Listen, guys, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I need to go call Raj's sister, who I love so much. So vastly much.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Okay, so he's got money, and it's a few gifts and a car.
Howard: And she got him to pay off all her credit cards.
Penny: What? He paid off her credit cards? Damn it, I could've dated Raj for a couple months. But I, I wouldn't have, because I'm not that kind of girl.

Quote from Penny

Raj: How dare you ambush my girlfriend at the gym!
Penny: We didn't mean for it to be an ambush. Just, it's kind of impossible not to sneak up on deaf people.

Quote from Raj

Penny: Oh, I'm so sorry. I wish I could make you feel better.
Raj: Seriously? I'm heartbroken and youíre hitting on me?
Penny: What? No!
Raj: Look, Penny, you're great, but I had a long talk with my parents, and they said if I date an Indian girl, I get a Maserati.

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