Quotes from ‘The Rothman Disintegration’

The Rothman Disintegration

'The Rothman Disintegration' - Season 5, Episode 17

Sheldon and his archnemesis Barry Kripke compete for a newly available office at the University. Meanwhile, Penny is uncomfortable with a gift from Amy.

Air Date: February 16, 2012.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I'll let you in on a little secret. Originally, we were painted nude. But I had him add clothes cause I thought it was an unnecessary challenge to our heterosexuality.
Penny: Yeah, good call.
Amy: But, if you ever change your mind, all it would take is some warm, soapy water and a couple of sponges.
Penny: You're talking about the painting, right?
Amy: Sure.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm trying to raise the temperature in here before my nipples tear through my shirt.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: It's kind of heavy.
Bernadette: Too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting.

Quote from Sheldon

Kripke: Well, as long as we're here, I might as well take a leak.
Sheldon: Kripke, you're in my spot.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Before I met you, I was a mousey wallflower. But look at me now. I'm like some kind of downtown-hipster-party girl with a posse, a boyfriend and a new lace bra that hooks in the front, of all things!

Quote from Amy

Amy: Goodnight, painting Penny. Goodnight, real Penny.
Penny: Goodnight, real Amy.
Amy: You don't have to say goodnight to painting Amy, because she's never leaving.

Quote from Barry Kripke

Sheldon: As you know, the essence of diplomacy is compromise. With that in mind, I propose the following: I will take Rothman's office... and you will find a way to be okay with that.
Barry Kripke: How about I take Rothman's office and you go suck a lemon?

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: There it is again! Do you feel that?
Howard: The growing realization that you are one wacky bastard? Yes.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: It's going to be difficult to find something you are both equally good at.
Raj: Is there anything you are both equally bad at?
Sheldon and Kripke: Sports.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: If you're interested I can send you a link to a YouTube video that would show you how to perform your own rectal exam. Helpful hint: trim your nails first.

President Siebert: Now? You realize I'm your boss and I'm holding my penis.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I'm glad men are wearing hats again. They are so distinguished.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Goodnight, real Penny. Goodnight, transvestite Penny.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: (Yelling at a mockingbird) And you, the notes are C, D, E, G and A! You pick one or I'm chopping down that tree!

Quote from Leonard

Howard: It's the twenty first century, you can't have a duel.
Leonard: Hang on, Howard. Barry, how good of a shot are you?

Quote from Leonard

Raj: It was a nice retirement party.
Howard: I guess. Still, it's a shame Professor Rothman was forced to step down.
Leonard: What choice did the university have? He snapped. It happens to theoretical physicists all the time.
Howard: I wonder how long Sheldon's got.
Sheldon: These shrimp are all the same size. There's no the logical order to eat them in. (throws shrimp in the trash)
Leonard: Cant be very long.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Hey, look, there's Rothman's empty office. Sad.
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Mm, indeed.
Howard: So sad.
Sheldon: Dibs.

Quote from Barry Kripke

Kripke: What's up, fellas?
Sheldon: What are you doing here, Kripke?
Kripke: Ah, measuring my new office for drapes.
Sheldon: This is not your office. It hasn't been assigned yet.
Kripke: Well, I called dibs at the Christmas party when Professor Rothman tried to have intercourse with the toys for tots collection box.
Sheldon: Dibs? This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs.
Leonard: You just called dibs.
Sheldon: Shut it. Offices are assigned by seniority. I arrived at the university first.
Kripke: I arrived at the office first. I'm the proverbial early bird.

Quote from Sheldon

Barry Kripke: Ignore him, President Siebert. I'm sure a young man such as yourself has a perfectly healthy prostate.
Sheldon: Oh, he's just trying to butter you up. And for the record, butter is an excellent lubricant for your rectal exam.

Quote from Penny

Bernadette: (Looking at the painting Amy bought Penny) That is big.
Penny: So big.
Bernadette: And ugly.
Penny: So ugly.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: What am I gonna do?
Bernadette: I don't know. You can't take it down. You'll break her heart. Look at that face. That enormous, unsettling, crazy face.
Penny: Is there any chance I'll learn to love it?
Bernadette: That depends. Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man?

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: All right, it's got to go.
Bernadette: What will you tell Amy?
Penny: How about I tell her the painting makes you feel jealous because you're not in it?
Bernadette: Nuh-uh. What if she gets me one? I already have a picture of me and Howard's mom getting our hair cornrowed in Venice Beach. I've suffered enough.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Would you look at this? I paid twenty five dollars to some kid on eBay for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand. He sent me a stick. He went into his backyard, he picked up a stick.
Howard: It's numbered.
Raj: Ooh, limited edition. Nice.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: What's he doing here?
Sheldon: We're going to work this office situation out like gentlemen. And if that doesn't work, I'm going to poison his tea.

Quote from Barry Kripke

Barry Kripke: Cooper.
Sheldon: Kripke, come in. I'm making tea. Would you like a cup?
Barry Kripke: Am I weawing a summer frock? No, I don't want tea. Let's get down to brass tacks.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Fine. In the interest of preserving our friendship...
Barry Kripke: Were not friends.
Sheldon: Well, that's a little hard to hear, but all right.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: How about you decide this with Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock?
Barry Kripke: What the frig is that?
Sheldon: Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock was created by Internet pioneer Sam Kass as an improvement on the classic game Rock-Paper-Scissors. All hail Sam Kass.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Hey! He did that on purpose,
Leonard: No, he didn't. Nothing that's happening here is being done on purpose. Okay, uh, forget one-on-one. Let's try a free throw contest. First person who makes a basket wins the office.
Barry Kripke: Making it too easy there, Hofstadter.
Leonard: No. No, I'm not.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: On the count of three, both of you bounce the balls as hard as you can. The highest bounce wins the office.
Barry Kripke: Oh, you are going down, Cooper.
Sheldon: I don't think so, Kripke. I've bounced many a rubber ball in my day.
Leonard: All right, that's enough trash talk. One, two, three.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Oh, what a great movie.
Penny: I cannot believe you've never seen Grease.
Amy: My mother didn't allow me to watch it. She was afraid it might encourage me to join a gang.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: I've got to go. I've got to get up early. My company's testing a new steroid that supposedly doesn't shrink testicles, and the last one there has to do the measuring.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Ah, the spoils. I see why victors love them.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I'm so humiliated. I sat there the whole time that we were watching Grease, thinking you liked the painting.
Penny: I know.
Amy: I was a fool from Summer Lovin' to the very last rama lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong.

Quote from Amy

Penny: I should have been honest with you and told you the gift was too much.
Amy: Yes, too much. Because our friendship is fundamentally asymmetrical. I clearly like you more than you like me.
Penny: I don't think you can put a number on how much one person likes another.
Amy: I bought you a painting, that's 12 square feet in area. There's a number.
Penny: Amy, come on...
Amy: If you don't like feet, you can try dollars. The painting set me back three grand.

Quote from Amy

Penny: Okay, look, I didn't want to say this, but the real reason I took the painting down was because it made Bernadette very jealous.
Amy: Oh, my goodness, how could I have not seen that? The painting is a constant reminder that of the three of us, she is the least cool.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Why don't you just turn up the thermostat?
Sheldon: Aha! Good question. It turns out the thermostat for my new office isn't in my new office. No. It's next door in Professor Davenport's office, who is currently enjoying the hot flashes associated with menopause.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Why is there a hole here?
Sheldon: Why is there a hole in my new office? I've narrowed it down to two possibilities: There was something in the wall that someone outside the wall wanted, or the more disturbing, there was something in the wall that wanted out.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Well, at least you finally got a window that opens. That's nice.
Sheldon: Is it? Listen.
Raj: What, you don't like wind chimes?
Sheldon: No, I hate them, but it gets worse. There it is.
Howard: The bird?
Sheldon: Yeah, It's completely out of tune with the wind chimes.
Raj: So?
Sheldon: You don't get it, do you? That's a mockingbird. Mockingbirds can change their song, which means he's out of tune on purpose. He's mocking me.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: The vibration. We are directly underneath the geology lab, and they're running their confounded sieve shakers again. Hey, gravel monkeys, if you need to shake rocks, try jiggling your heads around!

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Sheldon, relax.
Sheldon: How can I relax? My nervous system is being stretched out like the strings of a harp and plucked by holes, and birds, and wind, and the low-hanging scrotum of the difficult-to-evict Professor Rothman.
Leonard: If you're not happy, why don't you just let Kripke have the office?
Sheldon: What, and let him win? Do I look crazy to you?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: We're trying to think down here, you geode-loving feldspar jockeys!

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