Quotes from ‘The Weekend Vortex’

The Weekend Vortex

'The Weekend Vortex' - Season 5, Episode 19

Sheldon leaves Amy in the lurch when he decides to play video games with the guys instead of going with her to her aunt's birthday party.

Air Date: March 8, 2012.

Quote from Raj

Raj: But excuse me, I have something to say. None of you may realize it, but I was very much looking forward to this weekend. It was gonna be like the old days -- the four of us hanging out, playing video games, before you guys all got girlfriends. Do you have any idea what it's like to be the only one without a girlfriend? Even if I get one someday, I'll still be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper!

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: We'll miss you Sheldon.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, who wants to spend the whole weekend, running around a bunch of pretend planets, battling made up monsters? That's for babies.
Howard: Yeah, but it's got lightsabers.
Sheldon: Please, Amy! It's got lightsabers!

Quote from Howard

Howard: Look, if you don't want to go to the party, just don't go. You're a grown man. Act like one. Tell Amy you want to spend the weekend having a sleepover and playing video games with your friends!

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I'd make fun of Sheldon for having girl problems, if I wasn't shocked that Sheldon has girl problems.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard Joel Wolowitz, I've been worried sick for two days and I know you turned off your phone. You open this door right now because I've had it up to here! I have been to the morgue and the hospital, and I spent the last half hour walking up these fakakta stairs.

Quote from Penny

Amy: I'm dating Sheldon Cooper
Penny: Yes. On purpose.
Amy: He's handsome, he's lanky, he's brilliant, and his skin has that pale, waxy quality.
Penny: Well, sickly is the new sexy.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Gentlemen, as much as I'm sure Sheldon would enjoy playing intergalactic make-believe, he and I have other plans. We are attending my Aunt Flora's 93rd birthday party. Sheldon: Just tell her I can't come. Amy: She'll be disappointed if we don't show up. Sheldon: She's 93. She won't be disappointed for very long.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I always thought if I were enslaved, it would be by an advanced species from another planet. Not some hotsie-totsie from Glendale.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Sorry, Stallion. Your weird friend Giraffe is here.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: We're always the good guys. In D&D, we're lawful good. In City of Heroes, we're the heroes. In Grand Theft Auto, we pay the prostitutes promptly and never hit them with a bat.
Sheldon: Those women are prostitutes? You said they were raising money for stem cell research.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: It will be like our World of Warcraft party a few years ago when the neighbors called the cops on us.
Howard: They called the cops because of the smell. They thought we were dead.
Raj: We were badass back in the day.
Leonard: All right, let's do it.
Howard: 48 hours of Star Wars gaming.
Raj: It's on like Alderaan.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Is the whip sound app contextually appropriate here?
Leonard: Uh, it is, but I think you might have waited too long for it to be funny.
[whip cracks]
Leonard: [Everyone laughs] I was wrong; it was still funny.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: Hey, want to spend some time playing the new Star Wars game this weekend?
Leonard: Oh, I don't know. I kinda promised myself I'd get off the computer, be more physically active, get some exercise.
Howard: You're about to walk up three flights of stairs.
Leonard: Good point. I'm in.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Hmm, if it's yogurt that helps ladies poop, I think Raj beat you to it.

Quote from Penny

Amy: That would be my boyfriend. Happier playing his dopey Star Trek game with his friends than hanging out with me
Penny: Wars.
Amy: What?
Penny: Star Wars. They get all cranky when you mix the two up.
Amy: What's the difference?
Penny: There is absolutely no difference!

Quote from Howard

Howard: Now, I downloaded an app that might be helpful in this situation.
[whip cracks]
Sheldon: You're right. I'm smart as a whip. I should be able to figure this out.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I plan on leveling up in the game, not my swimsuit size, thank you very much.

Quote from Amy

Amy: How do I get him to treat me better?
Penny: All right. Let me give you a little girlfriend 101. Usually the first move out of the gate is you withhold sex, but that will work better after Sheldon hits puberty. So, I'd say give him the silent treatment.
Amy: No, he loves that.
Penny: Hmm.
Amy: Our record for sitting in a room together and not speaking to each other is six-and-a half hours. He said it was a magical evening.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Hey, Sheldon, clear your weekend. Starting Saturday morning, Star Wars marathon.
Raj: Woo-hoo!
Sheldon: Movies or video games? Or board game? Or trading card games? Or Lego's? Or dress up? Or comic books? Or dramatic readings of novelizations? Yes to all!
Leonard: We are going to play the online game.
Sheldon: The online game? Bully!

Quote from Amy

Amy: No, hang on. I followed all the protocols set forth by you in the relationship agreement. I made a written record request 72 hours in advance. I checked the tire pressure on the car. I even contacted the Centres For Disease Control to find out what shots they recommend for travel to Orange County. FYI, it's none.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Amy, the relationship agreement was not designed for either one of us to get our way.
Amy: You use it to get your way.
Sheldon: I use it to get the right way. The fact that the right way is also my way is a happy coincidence.

Quote from Stuart

Sheldon: Hello Stuart.
Stuart: Hey Sheldon. Help you with anything?
Sheldon: Yes. I'm attending a party this weekend, for a 93-year-old woman. Can you recommend a gift?
Stuart: Uh, I don't know. Could put a tennis ball on the end of Excalibur. Make a pretty badass cane.
Sheldon: Do you supply the the tennis ball?
Stuart: No.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What else?
Stuart: Hmm. Oh, have this collectors edition Batman utility belt. Maybe she can use it as a wearable pill caddy.
Sheldon: Well, she'd just look silly wearing that without the rest of the costume.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: No, Leonard, go ahead and mock. Like my daddy always said, Shelly, women aren't anything but flippin pains in the bottom.
Leonard: That's what your father used to say?
Sheldon: Well, I took out the bad words and the yeehaw, but you get the gist.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Maybe she'll dig it. Women like a firm hand on the tiller.
Raj: I can never find the tiller. I got a book, it didn't help.

Quote from Penny

Penny: You can't put a saddle on Leonard Hofstadter. Oh, my, is it getting hot in here? Ay, papi.
Leonard: Ay papi? What is that?
Penny: An acting choice.
Leonard: Oh. So you chose that when you become turned on, you turn into Speedy Gonzalez?
Penny: Choo got a problem with that, papi?

Quote from Stuart

Sheldon: Hello, Penny. I just stopped by to bring you this gift.
Penny: Gummy bears? Thank you.
Sheldon: Now that you're in my debt, please manipulate Amy into releasing me from my commitment to attend her aunt's tedious birthday party.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: All right. I thought the candy might not be enough so let me up the ante. These are Cooper Coupons. These are for various things I can do for you. Um, oh, this one is for one free grammar check. Uh, you could use it for emails, letters, tattoos, what have you. Um, oh, this is fun one. This is an afternoon with me at the California Science Center, where I point out their mistakes.
Leonard: Keep an eye on those expiration dates, I've been burned more than once.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: Oh, come on. It's just a simple favor. Now, when's the last time I asked you to do something for me?
Penny: Yesterday. You made me look in your ear to see if there was a ladybug in it.
Sheldon: When is the last time I asked you to do something that wasn't a medical emergency?
Penny: Yesterday. You made me look in your ear to see if there was a ladybug in it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: All right, then, I have no choice but to go on to plan B.
Penny: What's that?
Sheldon: I'm going to run around outside with a wet head and try to catch a cold.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I think you're really going to enjoy yourself today. Not only do you get to meet my relatives, but since my aunt's nursing home is catering the party, all of the food is incredibly soft. It's like a vacation for your teeth.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: You sure you're okay with this?
Sheldon: Yes. I decided to find a way that I could have this experience and enjoy it.
Amy: Thank you. That means a lot to me.
Sheldon: Oh, don't thank me. Thank wireless technology. I realized, I can go to your aunt's awful party and still spend the whole day gaming with my friends.
Amy: Sheldon, my relatives are going to want to talk to you, and youre going to be sitting there playing a game? Isn't that a little rude?
Sheldon: Oh, I got that covered. Headset. I won't hear a word the old geezers are saying.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: You know, if playing that game is more important to you than honoring your commitment to me, and you don't mind me showing up at a party all by myself after I've already told everybody I'll be bringing somebody, then, fine. Go home and play your game.
Sheldon: Thanks. Ooh, listen, I wouldn't mind a piece of birthday cake, provided the old gal's candle blow is clean and dry.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: Here you go. I've got everything well need for the big game. Low fat turkey jerky, low-carb beer, 100-calorie snack packs.
Leonard: You pick up a Y chromosome while you were there? You might be short one.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Bernadette's going to be playing with us. So, that's pretty cool, huh? Right? Sure it is, yeah.
Raj: What, you invited your girlfriend? This is supposed to be our weekend.
Howard: I had no choice. Last night, she said, why don't we go out for brunch tomorrow and then maybe the Arboretum. And I said, well, no, I promised the guys I was going to play a video game with them all weekend. And she said, that sounds like fun, can I come, too? And then I didn't answer for a second, and then she said, well, do you not want me to come? And then I bought her a new laptop and the game, and she's parking the car right now.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Amy, what's wrong?
Amy: My boyfriend's a jerk.
Penny: Well, I know he didn't cheat on you, so what happened?

Quote from Amy

Amy: I had to go to my aunt's party all by myself, and everybody was like, "Where's this boyfriend you're always talking about? Is he real, or did you make him up like Armin the miniature horse breeder?"
Penny: Who's Armin the miniature horse breeder?
Amy: The pretend boyfriend I invented to get my family off my back. It unraveled quickly when I couldn't answer the question how'd you two meet?
Penny: I would have thought at a miniature horse show.
Amy: Oh, that's good.
Penny: Mm.
Amy: I panicked and said Woodstock. I just wanted to show Sheldon off to my family.

Quote from Penny

Penny: You know, Amy, sometimes when you're in a relationship with someone you really care about, the sucky part is, it leaves you open to getting hurt.
Amy: Do you ever worry about Leonard doing that to you?
Penny: That's hilarious. No.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Get that guy! Get that guy! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!
Sheldon: Dr. Rostenkowski, it may interest you to know that saying pew, pew, pew isn't as effective as pressing your blaster key. In the same way that saying whee doesn't make the land speeder go.
Bernadette: (aiming at Sheldon) Pew!

Quote from Raj

Leonard: Raj, Imperial Troopers on your tail.
Raj: Got him. When Gandhi advocated his philosophy of non-violence, I bet he didn't know how much fun it was killing stuff.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: All right, I think we got them all. Let's divide up the loot.
Bernadette: Ooh, look at this pretty purple robe I just got. You should put on yours and then we'll match.
Howard: But I worked hard to get this Armour.
Bernadette: Sorry, I just thought it'd be nice if people knew we were a couple.
Howard: Fine, I'll change.
Sheldon: (whip sound app) Ha-ha.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Spent a lot of my childhood throwing coins into wishing wells hoping for friends. At a certain point, you start doing trick shots just to keep things interesting.

Quote from Penny

Penny: All right, then we're gonna have to go with an oldie but goodie, making a scene.
Amy: I don't think I'd be good at that.
Penny: That's why you're lucky to have me. Back in Omaha, there are two different restaurants I'm not allowed into. Both Chili's.

Quote from Bernadette

Raj: Bernadette, remember, your character's the healer in our group. You're in charge of healing all of us, not just Howard.
Bernadette: I can't help it. My Howie Wowie has an owie.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: That is the most sickeningly sweet thing I have ever experienced. And I am sipping Kool-Aid through a Red Vine.

Quote from Amy

Amy: (Storming into the apartment) Sheldon Cooper, I've got a bone to pick with you, and I'm about to do it in front of all your friends.
Penny: Yeah, you pick that bone. You pick that bone clean!
Amy: I'm gonna publicly shame you, and then sit back as societal pressure compels you to modify your behavior.
Penny: Ooh, burn!
Amy: And if you don't start treating me better, I'm leaving you for a miniature horse breeder named Armin.
Sheldon: Armin who?
Amy: Armin ... damn it.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Sheldon, she wanted to show you off to her family, and you stood her up, okay? Look at this adorable, smushy face. Smush, smush, smush, smush.
Amy: You're hurting me.
Penny: No, Sheldon hurt you.
Amy: Before; now it's you.
Penny: Oh.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I think I understand. You're the one person who can say Sheldon Cooper is your boyfriend, but that rings hollow if you can't lord him over others in the flesh. I forget what I bring to the party and what I take away when I leave. Please accept these valuable Cooper Coupons as restitution.
Penny: Sheldon, she doesn't want your stupid…
Amy: Ooh, Science Center. Redeeming. Let's go.
Sheldon: Well played, Amy Farrah Fowler. Let me get my coat. (Whip sound) Oh, grow up, Leonard.

Quote from Penny

Penny: And that's how a girl makes a scene. I'm sorry, sweetie. You're right. You deserve your weekend. Come on, Amy, let's go.
Amy: What about the Science Center?
Penny: I'll let you hold my hair while I throw up.

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