Quotes from ‘The Date Night Variable’

The Date Night Variable

'The Date Night Variable' - Season 6, Episode 1

A lonely Raj interrupts Sheldon & Amy's and Leonard & Penny's dates. Meanwhile, Howard and his mother are arguing, even as he's 220 miles above earth in the International Space Station.

Air Date: September 27, 2012.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Mrs. Wolowitz I'm not going near that fakakta thing. I'll catch a computer virus.
Howard: You can't catch a computer virus.
Mrs. Wolowitz Oh, so now you're an astronaut and a doctor?

Quote from Amy

Amy: If Sheldon proposed to me during sex, my ovaries would grab onto him and never let go.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Sheldon, that was beautiful.
Sheldon: I should hope so, that's from the first Spider-Man movie.
Amy: I'll take it.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Mrs. Wolowitz: Wives don't take boys from their mothers.

Quote from Stuart

Raj: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: Yeah?
Raj: Do you want to hang out tomorrow night, maybe grab a bite to eat or catch a late movie?
Stuart: Yeah, I'd like to, but I'm a little tight on funds.
Raj: No problem. My treat. I'll swing by after work.
Stuart: Okay.
Raj: Okay.
(After Raj leaves)
Stuart: I could do worse.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I know what the anthropic principle is.
Sheldon: Of course. I just explained it to you. Now, where do you stand on it?
Leonard: Where do you stand on it?
Sheldon: Strongly pro.
Leonard: Then I believe that God created the world in six days and on the seventh he made you to annoy me.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Amy, when I look in your eyes and you're looking back in mine, everything feels not quite normal. Because I feel stronger and weaker at the same time. I feel excited and, at the same time, terrified. The truth is, I don't know what I feel, except I know what kind of man I want to be.

Quote from Penny

Peny: So, does Sheldon have anything special planned for you tomorrow night?
Amy: Oh, yes. According to the relationship agreement, on the anniversary of our first date, he must take me to a nice dinner, ask about my day, and engage in casual physical contact that a disinterested onlooker might mistake for intimacy.
Penny: That's hot. You kids better use protection.

Quote from Stuart

Leonard: You know, it's not exactly glamorous up there. The water that the astronauts drink is made from each other's recycled urine.
Stuart: Must be nice. Nobody wants anything that comes out of me.

Quote from Howard

Dimitri: What are you gonna do when you get back to Earth?
Wolowitz: Oh, I'm never going back.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Have I ever told you you're like a sexy praying mantis?
Sheldon: Every time you drink alcohol.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I can't believe I bleached my moustache for this.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Waiter? A bottle of champagne and three glasses. Oh boy, isn't this romantic?
Sheldon: Oh, I hope that's a rhetorical question, because I have no clue.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I got all your favorites. Beer, wings, sliders. We can watch the football game. I even painted my stomach.
Penny: Go Sports?
Leonard: Well, in case you were in the mood for football, I didn't want to look ridiculous.

Quote from Raj

Raj: You know, I'm growing to like American football.
Penny: Yeah, it's fun, isn't it?
Raj: Well, it's not the balls-to-the-wall action of badminton or cricket, but hey, what is?

Quote from Raj

Stuart: So, Howard's really in space, huh?
Leonard: Mmm-hmm. International Space Station. 250 miles that way.
Raj: Right now, Howard's staring down at our planet like a tiny Jewish Greek god. Zeusowitz.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I must admit, I can't help but feel a twinge of envy. He can look out the window and see the majesty of the universe unfolding before his eyes. His dim, uncomprehending eyes. It's like a cat in an airport carrying case.

Quote from Amy

Penny: Just a couple of minutes. You've really never done this before?
Amy: Once in high school, but I dozed off and woke up with second-degree chemical burns on my face.
Penny: Oh, my gosh, that's awful. The other kids make fun of you?
Amy: No, I had a cover story, I told everyone it was herpes.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Raj, where do you stand on the anthropic principle?
Raj: I'm all for it.
Sheldon: Attaboy.
Leonard: Well, hang on. Why do you believe that he knows what it is and I don't?
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard. Let's not take a saw to the branch we're sitting on, shall we?

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Hey, if you guys are free tonight, I heard about a spa where you soak your feet in a pool full of little fish that eat all the dead skin right off them. I don't need to tell you in Los Angeles, sandal season is year round.
Leonard: Actually, I'm hanging out with Penny.
Raj: Oh, okay. Sounds like it's me and you, Sheldon. How about we stick some guppies on those puppies?
Sheldon: As I've stated before on numerous occasions, the only sea creature I would even consider being eaten by is the Kraken. Because the last words I would hear are "Release the Kraken." That never gets old. "Release the Kraken!" Chills.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Besides, I'm having dinner with Amy.
Raj: Oh, okay. I'll just go home and be alone. Which is cool. I eat alone, I sleep alone, I cry alone. So, cool.
Sheldon: Darn. If you weren't busy, I'd ask you to join us.
Raj: Really? I can come? Thanks!
Leonard: Sheldon, are you sure you want to be bringing Raj on your date night with Amy?
Sheldon: Oh, absolutely. I have a contractual obligation to provide Amy with conversation and casual physical contact, but nowhere is it specified that I can't outsource that to an Indian.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Okay. Okay, I know you're upset, but let me share something I've learned since I got here. You realize how small your problems are when you're looking down on them from space. Now, come on, that's got to make you feel better.
Bernadette: How clear is the image of me on that screen?
Howard: Pretty clear.
Bernadette: Do I look like I feel better?
Howard: I mean, it's not, like, HD quality.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Listen, mister, you're gonna talk to your mother and you're gonna fix this, or that thing I said I was gonna do to you the minute you got home, you can do to yourself.
Dimitri: Like he's been doing since he got here.

Quote from Raj

Amy: Sheldon, this place is so romantic.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm glad you like it. Raj picked it out.
Amy: Well, when you see him, tell him I say thank you.
Sheldon: Tell him yourself.
Raj: Yoo-hoo! Over here!

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: I don't understand. What's he doing here?
Sheldon: I invited him.
Amy: On our date? Sheldon, that's not okay.
Sheldon: Yes, it is. There's a loophole in the Relationship Agreement.
Amy: You found a loophole?

Quote from Penny

Penny: Gosh, I worked my ass off today. This is exactly what I needed.
Leonard: Great. Just relax and enjoy. Tonight is all about you.
Penny: Aw, thank you.
Leonard: So, where exactly are we in this relationship?
Penny: Oh, come on.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I just know the longer we wait to talk about it, the weirder it gets.
Penny: Sweetie, can I just be the girl tonight?
Leonard: Absolutely. You're the girl, I'm the guy. Now, you watch your football game while I make you a little plate here.

Quote from Howard

Dimitri: Hey, Froot Loops. You got a phone call.
Howard: Who is it?
Dimitri: A woman who says she's your mother but sounds like your father.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Oh, I'm having the nicest time. You guys are like family to me. You know that, right?
Leonard: That's great. Get out.
Raj: What? Why?
Leonard: Penny and I have some issues we need to talk about.
Raj: Oh, pish on your issues. You guys are fine.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Yes, you hit some bumps along the way. I mean, Penny, you've always known how this man has felt about you, but you made him grovel for affection.
Penny: Okay, hold on...
Raj: Now, donít blame yourself. He was a groveler from way back. But the point is, the two of you got past it. And, Leonard, you go and propose to this poor girl in the middle of sex? That was some weak tea, dude.
Leonard: Some people might say it was romantic.
Raj: Yeah, no. But yet, here you two are, still together. And that's even after you and I had our crazy naked night.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I'm just saying that after everything you've been through, you get to look into each other's eyes and say "I love you." And that's beautiful.
Leonard: Actually, to this day, she's never really said it.
Raj: Oh, Penny. That's ridiculous. You know you love him. You, you look him in the eyes and you say it.
Penny: Raj.
Raj: Oh come on, you know you want to say it. Say it. Say you love him. Say it!

Quote from Raj

Stuart: A little music?
Raj: Sure. Mmm, bossa nova. You listen to that with your hips as well as your ears.
Stuart: Mmm.
Raj: Oh. Something about Latin music just makes me feel like I'm on a white sand beach in Rio.
Stuart: Yeah. The sun, the waves, the beautiful bodies, tanned and glistening with sweat.
Raj: I should go.

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