Quotes from ‘The Spoiler Alert Segmentation’

The Spoiler Alert Segmentation

'The Spoiler Alert Segmentation' - Season 6, Episode 15

When Sheldon spoils a book for Leonard, he moves in with Penny. Meanwhile, as Howard and Bernadette spend a weekend in Vegas, Raj stays with Mrs. Wolowitz.

Air Date: February 7, 2013.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: Honestly, if I could bend that far what would I need with you.
Bernadette: If you could bend that far, you'd be doing both of us a favor.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Mrs. Wolowitz Oh please. You're a tall glass of brown water. Have dessert.

Quote from Howard

Howard: If you don't leave now, she'll use food and guilt to keep you there the rest of your life.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: What if you could find a roommate who was a scientist and already familiar and comfortable with your ways.
Sheldon: That would be ideal. If a person like that existed, I would sign on, no further questions asked.
Amy: Great. Here I am!
Sheldon: Wait. Here who is where?
Amy: Me. Aren't I your perfect roommate?
Sheldon: Um...
Amy: Think about it, Sheldon. I'm not a stranger, we're both intellectually compatible, I'm willing to chauffeur you around town, and your personality quirks, which others find abhorrent and rage-inducing, I find cute as a button. What do you think?
Sheldon: Um.
Amy: Tell me one reason why this isn't a fantastic idea.
Sheldon: Um.
Amy: See? You can't. I'm gonna go see if Leonard's room is big enough for my water bed.
Sheldon: Um.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Feelings? What am I, a hippie at a love-in?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh really, Leonard? Are you going to have another one of your hissy fits?
Leonard: Hissy fits? I have hissy fits?
Sheldon: Yes, and I have a theory why. Because of your lactose intolerance, you switched over to soy milk. Soy contains estrogen-mimicking compounds. I think your morning Cocoa Puffs are turning you into a hysterical woman.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Check this out. I took the liberty of scripting a new outgoing voice mail message for both of us.
Sheldon: Hello. This is Sheldon.
Amy: And this is Amy.
Sheldon: We're not home right now.
Amy: 'cause we out dropping science, son.
Both: Leave a message.
Amy: Beep.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Oh my God. She's not going to bathe me, is she?

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: I suppose there's no choice but to face the crying, angry accusations, and the high pitch wails of despair.
Penny: Yeah and who knows how Amy will react.

Quote from Raj

Raj: How do you sleep in these things? Silk pajamas on satin sheets? I slid out of the bed like 3 times.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Screw you, Sheldon. You are the most annoying person I have ever met.
Sheldon: What? I'm annoying? You criticize my behavior all the time. Sheldon, don't talk about your bowel movements over breakfast. Sheldon, when the president of the university is giving a eulogy at a funeral, don't yawn and point at your watch. Sheldon, don't throw away my shirts 'cause you think they're ugly. You're impossible.

Quote from Raj

Howard: They spent a ton of money developing this dandruff medication that had the side effect of horrible anal leakage.
Raj: Is there a good anal leakage?
Howard: Anyway, it was Bernie's idea to rebrand the stuff as a cure for constipation.
Raj: Way to make lemonade. You know, from around the corner where fudge is made.

Quote from Raj

Howard: My mom's been kind of an emotional wreck since that dentist she was dating dumped her.
Raj: Dumped her? What, did he use a forklift? Sorry. There's nothing funny about morbid obesity.
Howard: She's huge. It was funny.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, it took me forever to get him on a bathroom schedule. He would just go whenever the mood struck him.
Amy: Like a dog boy.
Sheldon: Exactly.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: I'm not going anywhere. Penny and I are very happy living together. Isn't that right?
Penny: It's like the happiness won't ever leave the apartment.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I don't know why I avoided the Harry Potter books for so long. These are great. I just started number six.
Sheldon: That's a good one. Dumbledore dies in that one. Yeah, I know, I didn't see it coming, either.
Leonard: Why would you say that?
Sheldon: You brought up the subject. I contributed an interesting fact on that subject. It's called the art of conversation. Okay, your turn.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Why would you say that?
Sheldon: You brought up the subject. I contributed an interesting fact on that subject. It's called the art of conversation. Okay, your turn.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What? I'm annoying? You criticize my behavior all the time. Sheldon, don't talk about your bowel movements over breakfast. Sheldon, when the president of the university is giving a eulogy at a funeral, don't yawn and point at your watch. Sheldon, don't throw away my shirts 'cause you think they're ugly. You're impossible.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I don't have to put up with this.
Sheldon: Actually, I have your signature on a Roommate Agreement that says you do.
Leonard: Here's what I think of your Roommate Agreement.
Sheldon: You pick that up right now.
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Roommate Agreement, Section 27, Paragraph 5: "The Roommate Agreement, like the American flag, cannot touch the ground."

Quote from Raj

Howard: Great. Come on in.
Raj: What, you don't say thank you?
Howard: It's my suitcase. I lent it to you two years ago.
Raj: Well, then, I should tell you I broke the wheel and the handle.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Dude, I'm a single man. Saturday night is my party night.
Howard: Really? What do you got going on?
Raj: I don't know. Maybe drive down to Hollywood, hit a few hot spots, see if I can get lucky.
Howard: Yeah, tell me if this sounds familiar. You pay fifteen dollars to park, you stand on the pavement for an hour until you break down and give the bouncer twenty bucks to let you in. You push your way to the bar, where you drink an eighteen dollar cosmopolitan, then you stare at a pretty girl and imagine your perfect life together. Your children, grandchildren. Meanwhile, she leaves with a guy who claims he wrote Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Then you give up on anyone ever loving you, go to Marie Callenders, buy a pie and eat it in your car in the parking lot.
Raj:What time should I be at your mother's?
Howard: I told her around seven.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: I swear, that man is the most egotistical, insufferable human being I have ever met.
Penny: Yeah, but you two make such a cute couple. Like Bert and Ernie. You guys even teach me stuff about words and numbers.

Quote from Penny

Penny: My point is, as much as I want to live with you, I can't do it knowing how much Sheldon needs you.
Leonard: Please, the only thing he needs me for is to be his whipping boy, his, his stooge, his doormat.
Penny: Well, you know what they say, if it ain't broke...

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Oh, could you clear off a shelf for me in the bathroom? I take a lot of medicine.
Penny: Oh, please let some of it be Xanax.

Quote from Mrs. Wolowitz

Raj: I've had a lovely time eating your brisket and hearing about the things you've had removed from your body over the years. Didn't know you could have a cyst inside another cyst.
Mrs. Wolowitz: The doctor said they were like Russian nesting dolls.

Quote from Amy

Sheldon: One vintage Mr. Mxyzptlk action figure. That's Leonard's.
Amy: (writing down) Children's toy.
Sheldon: One Star Trek: The Next Generation phaser. That's Leonard's.
Amy: (writing down) Children's toy.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hey, good buddy. So, uh, I was just talking to Amy, and she made me realize that this little dust-up between you and me is much ado about nothing.
Leonard: Is that so?
Sheldon: Yes. All is forgiven, so come back home. I'll make you some soy hot chocolate, and then I'll you tell you about our exciting new devil-may-care bathroom policy.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Cut to the chase, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Okay. Amy's decided she wants to move in with me, so I need you to come back home, you lovable scamp. (rubbing Leonard's head) That's a lot of product.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hello, home wrecker.
Penny: What did I do?
Sheldon: You gave Leonard somewhere to go. Thanks to you, Amy's out buying his and hers bath towels. Like I'd ever dry myself with something that has a possessive pronoun on it.

Quote from Penny

Penny: I love him. This is just happening too fast.
Sheldon: You think this is fast? It's just a matter of time before I see Amy's leg stubble in my shower.
Penny: Yeah, and I've seen those legs. You might want to get some Drano.

Quote from Howard

Howard: You're still at my mother's?
Raj: I'm trapped. My clothes have been in the laundry all day, and she hid my keys. I think they might be in her bra, because she jingles when she walks. What do I do?
Howard: Hey, you wanted a woman in your life. Now you got one.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Then what the hell, Sheldon? We have been going out for over two years, and I have been nothing but patient with you. I watch your dopey space movies. I signed your ridiculous contract. I even stopped wearing lip gloss 'cause you said it made my mouth look too slippery. I am the best girlfriend youre ever gonna have. You give me one good reason why I can't live here.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: It's Penny's fault.
Amy: What?
Sheldon: She doesn't want to live with Leonard, so he has to come live here again. She's the snake in our garden. She's the reason we can't be happy.

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