Penny: [to Raj] Run to India.

Amy: As my mom used to say, "When you're doing a puzzle, it's like you've got a thousand friends." She was full of fun lies like that.

Sheldon: My brain is better than everybody's!

Bernadette: (Shouting at another driver) Your kid might be a honor student but you're a moron!

Sheldon: I'm not a child. I know the word 'ninny.'

Bernadette: Oh my God! You did not just slow down for a bird! You know they fly, right?

Sheldon: I'm sorry, are we really doing this? Or are we tricking him again like with the dinner party?

Bernadette: You suck so hard!

Amy: To the Neil-mobile!

Amy: Scavenger hunts at Harvard were really tough. I always got stuck on the first challenge, trying to find someone to be on a team with me. I guess that story's more sad than funny.

Leonard: Wait, I got it. I got it.
Bernadette: Congratulations. You got it last.
Leonard: You're really mean, you know that?

Leonard: Do you think Penny's mad at me?
Bernadette: Because you're in the right lane behind a bus and you won't go around it? I'm sure she finds it charming.
Leonard: No, because I didn't want her on my team.
Bernadette: I'm starting to think she dodged a bullet. The slowest bullet in the world.

Bernadette: Faster, faster, faster! Do you not know that word? It means more fast!
Leonard: Stop yelling at me.
Bernadette: Hey, you'll know when I'm yelling at you.

Raj: I wish I had a friend like me.

Raj: If you want to solve the mystery of who stabbed Koothrappali in the back with a weapon of indifference, it was all of you!

Bernadette: Hey, Romeo. Repair your relationship on your own time!

Sheldon: Really? The only time I'm ever picked first for a team and I'm stuck with the liability?

Bernadette: How do I put this? She's been known to call you a name that usually applies to a lady part. Or a cat, or a willow.
Leonard: I can't believe she would say that about me.
Bernadette: If you're gonna cry about it there's tissues in my purse. Unless you got some in yours, big willow.

Leonard: We did them at Princeton, too.
Howard: Oh, that's cute. Like it's a real college.
Sheldon: That's amusing. I was going to say the same about M.I.T., but it works for Princeton, too.

Penny: Hey, Princeton, look at that. Team community college-night school is in the lead!

Stuart: So, when you guys plan fun activities, does my name even come up or ...?
Raj: I invited you to my murder mystery party.
Stuart: No, you didn't.
Raj: Oh.

Bernadette: They're here first. This is because you made me slow down for that blind guy.

Howard: Have you ever played a game with Bernadette?
Amy: No.
Howard: Have you ever gone into a steel cage with a wolverine?

Leonard: You really think he's gonna send us to a bowling alley?
Sheldon: Well, if he does, do you know how filthy those rental balls are? They might as well stand on the corner and give away free rectal exams.

Howard: Yes, to be fair, do people who went to Princeton get a head start?
Leonard: It's not funny.
Sheldon: No. Oh, it actually is if you get the joke. It's based on the premise that Princeton isn't a very good school.
Leonard: Ha-ha.
Sheldon: Oh, see, now he gets it.

Leonard: I have asthma. Back off!

Sheldon: It's dirty laundry. You're up.
Penny: What? Why me?
Sheldon: Because you've been training for this your whole life. You live in a pile of dirty laundry.

Penny: Wow, I can drink a beer underwater!