Quotes from ‘The Junior Professor Solution’

The Junior Professor Solution

'The Junior Professor Solution' - Season 8, Episode 2

Sheldon gets promoted to a junior professor at the university, but he must now teach a class. When no one signs up for Sheldon's class, Howard surprisingly enlists. Meanwhile, Amy plays Penny and Bernadette against each other when tensions rise over Penny's new job at Bernadette's company.

Air Date: September 22, 2014.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: The correct animal for inter-species super soldier is the koala. You would wind up with an army so cute, it couldn't be attacked.

Quote from Amy

Amy: You better watch that attitude, buddy. You're dating the popular girl now.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: You shot your spit in my mouth!
Howard: Is that gonna be on the test? Because I don't think I can do that again.

Quote from Raj

Raj: So I've been trying to come up with a cute couple's nickname for me and Emily. What do you like better "Emipalli" or "Koothrapemily".
Howard: Why is it your last name and her first name?
Raj: Well, her last name is Sweeny, and something just didn't seem right about Koothrapeeny.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Sheldon, I promise, your uvula does not have an STD.
Sheldon: Are you sure? It just doesn't feel as innocent as it used to.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Wow, pouting and running away actually worked. I must say that may not be a lesson you want to reinforce with me.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I assume you want to reopen our dialogue about the university forcing me to continue with string theory?
Mrs. Davis: You mean the dialogue that went "Please? No. Please? No. Please? No."?
Sheldon: That's the one. I believe you went last, so, please?

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: You reported me to human resources?
Sheldon: You violated the sanctity of my mouth.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Give me a minute. I'm stimulating the pleasure center of this starfish. I just need to turn it off.
Penny: What happens if you don't?
Amy: Then I have to sit through lunch knowing this starfish is having a better day than I am.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Apparently I have a reputation for being "obnoxious".
Leonard: Whaaaaaat?

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Oh, you bought cookies?
Sheldon: Yes, fig newtons. I was going to ask which scientist both helped to discover calculus and had a famous cookie named after him. And then after someone said Newton, I was going to tell them they're wrong. The cookies are named after a town in Massachusetts. And then I'd throw the cookies away.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Can't talk. Spit ball. Probably gonna die.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Usually when someone's being talked about behind their back, it's me and it's right in front of my face.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I'm saying, in the spirit of science, what is that little skank's problem?

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: And you love the sound of your own voice.
Sheldon: Well, of course I do. Listen to it. It's like an earful of melted caramel.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So your solution is to promote me and pay me more money, so I can impart my knowledge to the next generation of scientists?
Mrs. Davis: Yes.
Sheldon: You people are sick.

Quote from Penny

Amy: Well, I just think she wants you to do well and she's worried you won't because you were just a stunningly bad waitress.
Penny: That is not true.
Amy: I'm still waiting on my mini corndogs from two years ago.
Penny: I told you, they'll be right out.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Guess what, engineers are just as smart as physicists.
Sheldon: Oh! You take that back!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Amy, please. I am trying to find a way to intellectually emasculate a dear friend of mine.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Hey, girlfriend. Can I get a what what?
Penny: What?
Amy: Close enough. I was just calling to see what you were up to tonight. I thought maybe we could head up Color Me Mine, maybe sneak in some Pinot Gris- what evs.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: The answer is cuddly soldiers with big flat noses. Moving on.

Quote from Amy

Amy: The important thing is I am here for you so we can mutually disparage this unpleasing third party.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Sheldon, I'm more than smart enough to take your class.
Sheldon: *Laughs* No.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: So you want me to be a teacher's pet?
Bernadette: Couldn't hurt.
Leonard: I don't know. Who here has ever been hurt because they were the teacher's pet?
*Sheldon, Amy, Howard, Leonard and Raj raise their hands*

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm sensing awkwardness. Am I right?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: Swish.

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