Quotes from ‘The Anxiety Optimization’

The Anxiety Optimization

'The Anxiety Optimization' - Season 8, Episode 13

When Sheldon decides his comfortable lifestyle may be holding back his scientific progress, he asks his threads to irritate and annoy him to improve his work. Meanwhile, Howard embarrasses Raj by creating a new game, 'Emily or Cinnamon?'.

Air Date: January 29, 2015.

Quote from Howard

Howard: I invented a game. Want to play?
Leonard: Sure.
Howard: It's called Emily or Cinnamon. I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.

Quote from Penny

Penny: I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Look, your anxiety levels are right in the zone.
Sheldon: Really? Oh, that's fantastic. No wait, they're dropping. Why are they dropping?
Amy: Because you're happy they're elevated.
Sheldon: Oh, that is infuriating. Oh look, they're going back up again. Terrific. Oh no, they're going back down.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: At least listen to it through headphones. I'm trying to sleep, good night.
Sheldon: Boy. Taylor was right. Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Oh, I'm just doing this awful work out. I hate it.
Sheldon: Well if you hate it, then why are you doing it? Although I could ask the same question about the coitus with Leonard.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Now you just get comfortable.
Sheldon: No, no. Comfort is the enemy. You know what's comfortable? Slippers, and blankets, and panda bears. Oh, imagine a panda bear with Richard Feynman's face on it!
Warm up the car, Leonard. It's poster time.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?
Sheldon: I'm not going. Would you like to know why?
Penny: You're sad about not getting any thing done last night, so you're gonna sit around and pout about it.
Sheldon: Boy, I'm not nearly as mysterious as I think I am.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but when a mouse completes a maze, it gets a food pellet.
Amy: It also gets its brain plucked out with tweezers.
Sheldon: And its last meal was a food pellet? You're a monster.

Quote from Penny

Penny: So, whichever rep has the best sales for the quarter gets a trip for two to Hawaii.
Amy: That would be so romantic for you and Leonard.
Penny: Yeah, clearly you haven't seen him on the beach walking around with his metal detector.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Sheldon, I want you to take that cap off.
Sheldon: That nagging tone is helping my anxiety. But if you could maybe go 10% less shrill, that would really put the zip-a-dee in my doo-dah.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hey, what are you trying to pull? The President of Science isn't in here.
Leonard: You lie down, he'll be here in a minute.
Sheldon: Okay. I thought you were trying to trick me.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: All canines instinctively know how to swim. Why wouldn't a werewolf have the same abilities?
Bernadette: Well, they're not a hundred percent wolf. They're a werewolf, that's only a part wolf. That's like comparing apples to oranges.
Sheldon: Thank you! Although technically it's apples that turn into were-oranges when the moon is full.

Oh, this is fun. We should do it sometime when you aren't all PMSing.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I knew you'd understand, armadillo Isaac Newton.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm not going to work today. And would you like to know why?
Leonard: You're upset because you spent the whole night working on dark matter and didn't make a break through, and now you're worried you made a huge mistake switching fields, and you're gonna sit around and sulk all day.
Sheldon: Like a big old baby.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Have fun.
Sheldon: Oh, I will. Nothing more fun than a paradigm shifting evening of science.
Penny: (To Leonard) And you thought it was soaping me up in the shower.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You sounded in distress. I was worried something unpleasant was happening to you, like a murder or spontaneous coitus with Leonard.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: I'd like to ask you all to do something for me. Keep me on my toes. Just throw me off my game. Essentially, go out of your way to make my life miserable.
Howard: Hold on. What's in it for us?
Sheldon: Well, I suppose-
Howard: Okay, we'll do it!

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: What exactly do you think goes on here?
Sheldon: Well, conversations that you wouldn't be comfortable having in front of the opposite sex. You know, who has the best cervix. Which sanitary napkin is all the rage right now. Men's buttocks and how you want to pat and squeeze them.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: What is going on?
Sheldon: Oh, I need to keep my anxiety at the right level. So I'm using Darth Vader, the Joker and Godzilla's roar to keep me in that sweet spot. I tried including Taylor Swift in the mix, but turns out I love her.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Okay, so it's one vote Emily, one vote Cinnamon. Penny, you're the tie breaker.
Penny: Say the quote again.
Howard: "It's just so perfect that we're both Libras."
Penny: Wow, this is just so hard. I'm gonna say Cinnamon.
Howard: Yes!
Raj: Come on!

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I know he can be a lot of trouble, but when I see him laying here asleep like this, I just think, how easy it would be to hold a pillow over his face.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Why'd you pop it?
Sheldon: Sorry, I was aiming for your heart.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Ladies.
Penny: What's up?
Sheldon: As you may know, I have been experimenting with elevated anxiety levels, and I thought what better way to increase my discomfort than to subject myself to an evening of tasteless, uncensored crotch talk.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: Where's Sheldon?
Penny: Date night.
Leonard: That can't be much fun for Amy. You know at work today he tried his first Redbull.
Bernadette: What happened?
Leonard: He chased a squirrel around the quad for a while. And then threw up in my car.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: Okay, "Check it out. I got us matching sweaters."
Leonard: We all got the Christmas card. Cinnamon.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, I've been struggling for months to come up with a theory for dark matter that doesn't make protons decay. I'm hoping to finally tackle it by optimizing my work environment. See I've got, my tea is at the perfect sipping temperature. I have fleece-lined boxer-shorts to keep my tushie toastie. And last but not least, this inspirational cat poster improved with the reassuring face of physics renegade Richard Feynman.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Okay, who was he talking to Emily or Cinnamon? "I want you to know the bed feels so lonely when you're not in it"?
Raj: Yeah, I might not be liking this game so much.
Leonard: Cinnamon. Give me another one.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: You know a man can care deeply about a woman and a pet. It's not strange.
Leonard: Ooh, Emily. I heard him say that to Emily.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: You know what, I think it's a little weird that you remember me saying all these things. Maybe the truth is you're jealous of all my relationships.
Howard: Oh. Maybe I am. Who wouldn't want to the girl - or possibly dog - to hear the words "You're so lucky. You have the shiniest hair."
Leonard: That is a tough one. I know he brushes both of them.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: That was the last one. I promise we won't play it any more.
Raj: Thank you. Because if she ever found out, it would hurt her feelings.
Bernadette: Emily's feelings?
Raj: Yes, Emily!

Emily: So, I hear you guys have been playing a little game.
Howard: Well, we were just kidding around.
Emily: Well, you may think it's funny that Raj is sweet and sensitive, but I think it's sexy.
*Kisses Raj and pulls a hair out of her mouth*
Emily: Urgh, why is there dog hair in your mouth?

Quote from Raj

Raj: Go ahead. You can't embarrass me. I have a beautiful girlfriend and a dog who loves me so much she drinks my bathwater.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Your George Lucas autograph is really a me autograph.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Sheldon, we are just people. We talk about the same things you guys talk about.
Sheldon: You talk about if werewolves can swim? See, Leonard says yes, but I say it depends on whether the human could swim before he was bitten. What do you think?
Penny: Let's just talk about our periods.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Bernadette's nickname for you is the Virgin Pina Colada.

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