Quotes from ‘The Communication Deterioration’

The Communication Deterioration

'The Communication Deterioration' - Season 8, Episode 21

After Raj is given the job of crafting a message for NASA in case their mission discovers alien life, the guys argue over their roles in helping Raj. Meanwhile, Penny must decide whether to audition for a movie or stay with her successful pharmaceuticals job.

Air Date: April 16, 2015.

Quote from Howard

Howard: First take a picture with me.
Bernadette: Why?
Howard: Well, Raj and I always talked about learning how to make cocktails like this together, so I taught myself and I'm putting this on Instagram so he can see it and feel like a turd. Say cheese!

Quote from Raj

Raj: Okay, so, what it sounds like is, what we want is a device that can deliver a message through not only sight, but other senses, as well.
Leonard: The most basic sense that any space-faring civilization would have to possess is touch.
Raj: Ooh. Ooh, ooh! We could make a video-playing device that simultaneously translates the information into a tactile medium.
Leonard: All we have to do is rig up a 3-D communication system!
Raj: We-we can totally do that!
Leonard: I know!
Raj: This is great!
Leonard: Yeah, you know what else it is?
Raj: What?
Leonard: Exactly what Sheldon and Howard said.
Raj: Well, thank you for peeing in my slippers.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Greetings from Planet Earth. Just turn left at Alpha Centauri. You can't miss it.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: You guys know the new discovery class missions that NASA's been working on?
Howard: Yeah.
Raj: Well, they're looking to include a message from Earth in case one of them is encountered by alien life.
Leonard: When I encountered alien life, I discovered that the key thing was not to sit in its spot.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: So I have a dominant personality. We all know that.
Bernadette: I'm sorry. What do we know?
Howard: In social groupings, I just naturally wind up in charge.
Bernadette: Don't take this the wrong way, but how many of these little booze balls have you had?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: *singing in the tune of "Eye of the Tiger"* It's the eye of the tiger, it's the ear of the bat. It's the whiskers of a catfish and the walrus--
Howard: Hang on. Not that your song isn't terrible-- it is... but how do you mention bats and leave out sonar?
Sheldon: You didn't let me finish. *singing* And also regarding the bat. It has sonar.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You can't breathe our air without an inhaler. He's allergic to Earth nuts, but I'm the alien.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Now, we can play this one of two ways. You can say, "Trains! Tell me more," or, you can just look at me like that and I'll start.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: What's going on in here?
Howard: I am making molecular cocktails. This sphere is actually a cosmopolitan.
Bernadette: Oh. How do you drink it?
Howard: Just put it in your mouth and pop it like a zit.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: You don't think I'm a leader?
Bernadette: I was kidding. Of course you are.
Howard: Right. I couldn't change if I wanted to.
Bernadette: You better not change, because I love who you are. Now, will you need help cleaning all this up when you're done or can you do it all by yourself?
Howard: All by myself.
Bernadette: There's my big boss man.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: You are a wise man.
Sheldon: Well, Penny, who's smarter, the wise man or the person who comes to him for advice?
Penny: Oh, I guess you're right. Maybe it is the person who asks.
Sheldon: No, it's the wise man.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: That would be more helpful if E.T. were real.
Raj: Well, my feelings were real when he was about to die.
Leonard: My God, when he's on the table and they use the paddles on him.
Raj: And he's all white.
Leonard: They zip him up in that bag.
Raj: And Gertie can't stop crying.
Leonard: The flower dies.
Raj: Okay, let's talk about something else.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: So it sounds like we need a way to communicate that's simple.
Raj: And doesn't require outside machinery to be built to access it.
Leonard: It's also a problem because we don't even know if the aliens who find this can see. I mean, they might communicate in a totally different way than us.
Raj: Like when my dog is mad at me, she tells me by peeing in my slippers.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: That's actually a valid example. Animals do deliver messages through scent.
Raj: Bees talk to each other by dancing. Whales have their songs.
Leonard: Penny has about 20 different ways of rolling her eyes that each mean something different.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Okay, since we agree on the delivery system for the message, maybe we should talk about what the message could be.
Raj: Well, I think we should show what earthlings look like.
Howard: The plaque they sent up on the Pioneer probe had a drawing of a naked man and woman on it.
Sheldon: Yeah, I never cared for that. It's advertising to predator races just how soft and squishy *squeezes Leonard* we are.
Leonard: Squeeze yourself!
Sheldon: Oh, don't be offended. You know, of the four of us, you have the most veal-like consistency.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: Perhaps Howard meant passive-aggressive like asking our group to help on your project, and then only choosing Leonard.
Raj: Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but you do have strong personalities and always end up taking over.
Howard: It's not always.
Leonard: What about when we went to Comic-Con and dressed like Jabba the Hutt? You got to be Jabba's head, and I got to be his fat slug butt.
Sheldon: We looked great.
Leonard: You let a guy sit on me.
Howard: He was dressed as Princess Leia. It made a nice picture.

Quote from Penny

Penny: I mean, the whole experience reminded me about how much I hated about that world. You-you know, the anxiety, the depression, the negativity. I don't want to feel those things. I want to sell drugs to people who feel those things.

Quote from Penny

Amy: I can't believe you got up and walked out of an audition for a big movie.
Penny: I did. I mean, I walked in, read for the part, then stunk up the place, but then I walked right out.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, why didn't you ask Leonard for advice about this?
Penny: Urgh, because I already know what he'll say. Wah, wah, wah. You shouldn't do it.
Sheldon: Ah, it's just like he's here.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Just this morning, Sheldon wouldn't let me put almond milk on my Grape-Nuts because he said it was a theoretical nut conflict.
Raj: You should've told him to mind his own business.
Leonard: Yeah. That's better than what I did say, which was, "Fine, I'll eat them with club soda."

Quote from Raj

Leonard: How do you want to start?
Raj: I don't know. How do you want to start?
Leonard: I don't know. Should we call Sheldon and Howard?
Raj: No, we can do this by ourselves.
Leonard: Great. How do you want to start?
Raj: I don't know. How do you want to start?

Quote from Raj

Raj: Well, maybe there's a way to appear nonaggressive, but also be able to protect ourselves if necessary. Like smiling and waving with one hand, but the other hand holding the severed head of a tiger.
Howard: You want to send a passive-aggressive message out into the universe? That's ridiculous.
Raj: Oh, you mean passive-aggressive like posting pictures of you and your wife eating cosmopolitan balls that you know belong in my mouth?

Quote from Leonard

Raj: Exactly what I expected. Two people forcing their ideas on me and only one gentleman who could be bothered to ask me what my thoughts were. You two are out. Congratulations, Leonard, you're on the team.
Leonard: My mommy raised a gentleman.

Quote from Raj

Raj: What makes them think they're always in charge of everything?
Leonard: They're alpha males.
Raj: What does that make us?
Leonard: We could be betas. They're second in charge.
Raj: Okay, that sounds good.
Leonard: Or we could be omegas. They get pushed around by the alphas and the betas.
Raj: Okay, that sounds like us.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: *using Sheldon's knock* Sheldon? Sheldon? Sheldon? *Sheldon answers with a suspicious and smiling look on his face*
Sheldon: I bet that started off as a joke, but by the third one, you realized there was something strangely enjoyable about it.
Penny: Yeah, I kind of wanna do it again.
Sheldon: I don't recommend it. You'll be doing it the rest of your life.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: I like pharmaceutical sales. It's going great, but I have an audition for a movie, and if I get it, it could screw everything up.
Sheldon: Hmm. I know exactly what you should do. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Perhaps you'd prefer this one. The itzy-bitzy spider is not an insect at all. Because it has eight legs and two body parts.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Do either of you know Beyonce? I'd love her to get behind it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: How about we split the difference and discuss why Austria was an arch-duchy and not just a regular duchy?

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Look. I know you guys are upset, but we've talked about it and we think it would be beneficial for you to be part of the project.
Howard: Well. Well. Well. Did you hear that Sheldon?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. I was trying to think of what rhymes with Nose of the Aardvark.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: So, I'd like to try a technique. When no one gets streamrolled. When you talk, instead of bringing up a new idea, respect what was just said by building on it.
Sheldon: Building on that, we should order dinner.
Leonard: How is that building on what he just said?
Howard: Building on what Sheldon said, I could go for Chinese.
Raj: Hang on. Building on what Leonard said, no one built on what I said.
Sheldon: Building on building on that, there's a new build your own pizza place on Colorado.
Leonard: Building on that, I'd like to remind you I'm lactose-intolerant.
Howard: I saw the menu. They have Soya cheese.
Sheldon: Ha! You didn't say building on. You're out.
Leonard: It's not Simon Says.
Raj: You're missing the point, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You're out and you're out. I win. Who wants pizza?

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: Hey, would you like to hear some songs I've rewritten to get children interested in the hard sciences?
Howard: Sure.
Leonard: Really?
Howard: Yeah. I like music. I like science. I like making fun of Sheldon. Hit it!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: *singing in the tune of "Bingo Was His Name-o"* There was a scientist who had a theory, and James Clerk Maxwell was his name-o. J-A-M-E-S, C-L-E-R-K, space, M-A-X-W-E-L-L, and James Clerk Maxwell was his name-o. There was a scientist who had a theory, and James Clerk Maxwell was his name-o. *claps* A-M-E-S--
Leonard: Okay, okay, we get it.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Anyway, if you're looking for Leonard, he's with Koothrappali.
Penny: No, actually, I came to talk to you.
Sheldon: How nice!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Here are some topics that interest me. Quantum mechanics, trains, flags--
Penny: No, no, it's about my acting career.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, that's not on the list.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So, often on the front of the locomotive is a large iron wedge for clearing objects off the tracks. Now, while commonly known as a cowcatcher, I prefer the more accurate "cow exploder."

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: If I was at a train station and one train could take me to my current job and the other train could take me to an audition for a movie, which train should I get on?
Sheldon: Are you using trains to trick me into giving you advice?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: All right then. You should take a third train where you audition for the movie, but hold off on making a career decision until you have more information.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Okay, so we know that previous attempts to send a message into space, like the Golden Record on Voyager, were heavily criticized.
Leonard: Well, aliens could only play the Golden Record if they figured out how to build a record player.
Raj: Eh. Although, to be fair, I watched E.T. build a telephone out of a Speak & Spell and an umbrella. Dude was like a little brown MacGyver.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Now that we're all on the same page, let's get together tonight and work on it.
Sheldon: Get together tonight? Leonard, stop trying to control everything, and give poor Raj a chance to come up with what we should do. Go ahead, Raj.
Raj: Okay, I think we should do it right now.
Sheldon: Tonight works better for me.

Quote from Penny

Penny: *thinking* Okay, it's just an audition. Why am I nervous? Maybe it's a good thing. Just means I want it. And I can have it. This feels right. Why did I ever give this up? *opens door and sees room packed with women reading scripts* *speaking quietly* I'm starting to remember.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Now you're making some real money, maybe you can take your friend out for a nice thank you dinner.
Penny: Sure.
Amy: And you probably have to invite your other friend because she overheard you talking about it and it would be awkward to exclude her.
Penny: Yeah, okay.
Bernadette: How about now?
Penny: All right.
Bernadette: Don't forget your wallet.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: I'm glad you have a new appreciation for you job.
Penny: I do. And you know, I don't think I've ever thanked you properly for helping me get it.
Bernadette: Properly? At all? It's just words I've never heard.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Some times Raj and I feel pushed aside.
Raj: Yeah. Like when you took Sheldon to Texas and showed him all around NASA. You didn't even think to ask me and Leonard.
Howard: You know what, you're right. I should have asked you.
Sheldon: And if he does ask you, go. It's amazing.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Now if we're talking about being left out, you guys went to Skywalker Ranch without us.
Sheldon: Oh, I recommend that too. That was a magical experience.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Wait a minute. Sheldon spent a whole day with James Earl Jones and never told any of us.
Sheldon: I sure did. My goodness. From Jabba's head to ice cream with Darth Vader, I'm having a heck of a ride.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Clearly, good things happen when I'm in charge. Now, why don't you boys step aside, let me knock this project out.
Leonard: Sheldon, you're not in charge. Raj is in charge.
Sheldon: Leonard, who's really in charge? The person in charge or those who put him in charge.
Raj: He's right. If you think about it, we're all in charge.
Sheldon: No, the guy in charge is in ch-. Why is everyone so bad at these?

Quote from Sheldon

Alien: That soft pink alien looks delicious. I could eat.
*Sheldon performs Vulcan salute*

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