Quotes from ‘The Graduation Transmission’

The Graduation Transmission

'The Graduation Transmission' - Season 8, Episode 22

Leonard is set to give the commencement address at his former high school, but a canceled flight threatens to prevent him from giving the speech. Meanwhile, Howard's engineering skills are tested as he and Sheldon attempt to fix Raj's toy helicopter, while Raj plays his parents against each other after his father cuts him off financially.

Air Date: April 23, 2015.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: So, for the remainder of my speech, this is for the invisible kids. Maybe you never fit in. Or maybe you were the smallest kid in the school. Or the heaviest. Or the weirdest. Maybe you're graduating and you still haven't even had your first kiss. By the way, nineteen, and Geraldine Coco, wherever you are, thank you. Maybe you don't have any friends, and guess what, that's okay. While all the popular kids are off doing whatever - I don't know what they're doing because I was never there.

Quote from Howard

Howard: All right, playtime's over. Let's open this baby up.
Sheldon: Won't that void the warranty?
Howard: Sheldon, I have a master's degree in engineering. I wipe my bottom with warranties. Except for AppleCare. That pays for itself in the long run.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I'll take my chances.
Sheldon: Fine. I wonder if they make "I told you so" cards in Braille.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: So, can you get it working?
Howard: I'm an MIT-trained engineer. I've built components for the space station.
Sheldon: I thought the zero-gravity toilet didn't work.
Howard: It worked fine. It just wasn't designed for Russian cosmonauts and their potato-based diet.

Quote from Raj

Bernadette: Ready to call tech support?
Howard: Give me the number. Probably wind up talking to some foreign guy who's reading from the same manual I have.
*Raj's phone rings. Sheldon, Howard, and Bernadette stare at him in shock*
Raj: It's my father, you jerks.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Leonard, have you ever given a high school commencement speech before?
Leonard: No. It's pretty exciting.
Sheldon: Aren't you afraid of being blinded?
Leonard: How would I be blinded?
Sheldon: At the end of the ceremony, all the students throw those pointed hats in the air. It's all "Pomp and Circumstance" until someone loses an eye.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Well, I'm excited to show you around.
Penny: You think we'll have time to visit your mom over there?
Leonard: Yes. We'll also have time to put my junk in a garlic press, but I'm not doing that either.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Okay, the WiFi extender is on, the camera's on, they're both on the same network. We should be getting an image.
Sheldon: All I see is a black screen, and my own reflection. I look sad.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Sweetie, you know you're supposed to wear clothes under a graduation gown?
Leonard: A. Surprised you know that. B. I wanted to look like a sexy graduate for you.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: I have to return the helicopter. My father-- What did you do?!
Sheldon: Don't worry. He went to MIT. He can solve any problem. As long as it doesn't originate in a Russian man's colon.

Quote from Mrs. Koothrappali

Raj: Hello, mommy.
Mrs.Koothrappali: Hello, Rajesh. What a nice surprise.
Raj: Well, I've been thinking about you. Are you happy, mommy?
Mrs.Koothrappali: Such a sweet boy for asking. I can't believe you come from the poison seed of your father.

Quote from Raj

Bernadette: Why don't you just call tech support?
Sheldon: Hey!
Howard: Whoa!
Raj: Not cool!
Bernadette: What?
Howard: There's two kinds of people in this world. Those who call tech support and those who make fun of the people who call tech support.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: All right, the power supply is reconnected. I think we're back in business. Let's just run a few tests before we take it outside. Sheldon, we got WiFi?
Sheldon: Check.
Howard: GPS?
Raj: Check.
Howard: Battery charged?
Sheldon: Check.
Bernadette: Four hours of our lives gone? Check.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: All right. All systems go. In five...
Boys: ...four, three, two, one.
*An electrical crackle is heard and smoke comes out of the drone*
Sheldon: That's what my train used to do.

Quote from Sheldon

Tech Support: Tech Support. Can I help you?
Sheldon: Yes, it's a robot uprising! Call the police!

Quote from Penny

Leonard: How'd you get ready so fast?
Penny: Oh, I packed light. Once I got through an entire spring break with nothing but a long T-shirt and a belt.
Leonard: Why'd you need a belt?
Penny: It's called an evening look.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I worked hard on that speech, too.
Penny: Oh. You could tell it to me.
Leonard: Oh, thank you, but I'm okay.
Penny: Are you sure? I could pretend I'm a high school cheerleader who can't control herself around esteemed alumni.
Leonard: Greetings, distinguished cheerleaders.
Penny: Ooh!

Quote from Penny

Penny: You're gonna be on Skype. They're not gonna see your legs.
Leonard: Well, I'm gonna go put on some pants just in case. But, I have to say, this is very freeing.
Penny: Add a belt and I'll take you some place nice.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: Boy, oh, boy, that's a lot of pieces. You know what they all do, right?
Howard: Yes, of course.
Sheldon: What about this one? *holds up a mini logic circuit*
Howard: Well, I... How familiar are you with miniaturized integrated logic circuits?
Sheldon: Not very.
Howard: That right there is a miniaturized integrated logic circuit.

Quote from Howard

Raj: It's like the best one they make, I just can't get it to work.
Howard: I'll figure it out.
Raj: It streams HD videos straight your phone when it's flying.
Howard: Nice. Where were you when I was single?

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Okay, we should leave in about an hour. You all packed?
Penny: Uh, yeah, I just need to throw in a few last-minute things. You know, makeup, underwear, clothes.

Quote from Raj

Raj: The problem with commencement speeches is that they're boring. Ooh, do you own a T-shirt cannon?
Howard: Why would he own a T-shirt cannon?
Raj: I don't know. Why do I own one?

Quote from Leonard

Amy: I think it's really nice that you're sharing this experience with Penny.
Leonard: I thought it'd be fun to show her my old stomping grounds. I even know the exact spot where they used to stomp me.

Quote from Sheldon

Bernadette: Well, now you get to go back as a successful scientist.
Amy: With a beautiful girl on your arm.
Sheldon: And a pointy hat sticking out of your eyeball.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Just flip the switch until the lights on the drone change to solid yellow.
Sheldon: All right, that seems simple enough. Initiating calibration sequence. *flips switch rapidly* One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. *lights on drone turn solid yellow* Well, I suppose ten is technically "at least ten." But they're still getting at least one angry letter.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Now I rotate it horizontally on its center axis until the lights turn green.
Sheldon: Initiating rotation sequence. Don't look at me. Initiate.

Quote from Raj

Dr. Koothrappali: Are you still dating that dermatologist?
Raj: If you could feel how soft my skin is, you wouldn't have to ask.

Quote from Raj

Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, and there's something else I wanted to ask you. Why did you spend a month's rent on a toy helicopter?!
Raj: Oh, you're where that bill goes.

Quote from Raj

Dr. Koothrappali: I'm tired of indulging your foolish lifestyle. It's time you learned responsibility. And the only way to teach you that is to cut off your allowance.
Raj: No, Daddy, no! There are lots of other ways to teach me responsibility. I know, you can give me an egg and make me take care of it for a week.

Quote from Raj

Dr. Koothrappali: No, my mind is made up. Starting now, you're on your own.
Raj: But, Daddy, I miss my family so much, and with you and Mummy getting a divorce, I feel sad and empty. Buying a little toy every now and then helps me fill that void. So while I can't hug you every day, flying that helicopter really makes--
Dr. Koothrappali: I'm cutting you off.
Raj: Just to be clear, financially or mid-sentence?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: We did it! Oh! God, if it's this much fun to rotate, imagine when we fly it.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Hi.
Leonard: Hey, where'd you go?
Penny: I got you a little something to cheer you up.
Leonard: Really? Sex last night, pancakes this morning-- am I dying?

Quote from Leonard

Penny: I called your old high school and convinced them to let you give your speech over Skype.
Leonard: Really? That's amazing. And you gave me the robes to give it in. Thank you.
Penny: Yeah, now about those, uh, they came from a costume shop, and all they had left was sexy graduate, so they might be a little short.
Leonard: Short and sexy, that's my wheelhouse.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You can't return it. Howard wiped his bottom with the warranty.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: I think metaphorically. But he was in the bathroom for a while.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Anyway, speaking of Daddy. I had a very strange conversation with him. He said he couldn't afford to send me money any more because of his active social life.
Mrs. Koothrappali: What does that mean, "active social life"?
Raj: Well, let's not talk about him or whatever shenanigans he may or may not be up to. Let's talk about you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Sorry. Ah, maybe it's for the best. I hear locomotive smoke is the second leading cause of death among train aficionados.
Raj: What's the first one?
Howard: Suicide.
Sheldon: Wrong. Obesity.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: You guys don't have to go to the trouble. I'm back in the money now. I can just buy another helicopter.
Howard: It's not about the money. It's about solving a problem. It's why I became an engineer. It's what I like to do, it's what I'm trained to do. It's who I am.
Sheldon: Oh, look at you, the little engineer that could.

Quote from Raj

Bernadette: I call tech support all the time.
Howard: You call tech support!
Sheldon: Ha-ha!
Raj: What a baby!

Quote from Raj

Raj: I'm so lucky I take after you.
Dr. Koothrappali: You think you take after me?
Raj: Well, I try to. I certainly wouldn't be a scientist if you hadn't been my role model.
*to Sheldon, Howard and Bernadette after talking to his dad*
Who wants to go to Vegas in a real helicopter?!

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: So you really think they liked it?
Penny: Oh, sweetie, it was the best speech I--
*Drone comes through the door, knocking Penny and Leonard off their feet*
Sheldon: Don't worry, everyone in here is safe.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Step one, rapidly flip the calibration switch from the fully up to the fully down positions for at least ten times.
Sheldon: It actually says "at least"?
Howard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Why would they say "at least"? Is it 10 toggles? Is it 100 toggles? Is it 1,000 toggles? 10,000 toggles? 100,000 toggles?
Howard: Sheldon!
Sheldon: You see where I'm going with this.

Quote from Raj

Mrs. Koothrappali: Rajesh, is your father seeing someone?
Raj: All I know, Mummy, is that he's a single wealthy doctor, and now, for some reason, there's no money for your little boy.

Quote from Raj

Mrs. Koothrappali: Well, however much money your father was giving you, I'll give you more.
Raj: Thank you, Mummy! I love you! *to Sheldon and Howard* Helicopters for everybody!

Quote from Leonard

Penny: I've never been to New Jersey before.
Leonard: It gets a bad rap from shows like Jersey Shore and Real Housewives.
Penny: So it's not really like that?
Leonard: No, it's like that.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What does red and yellow mean?
Howard: It means the calibration failed. We have to start over.
Sheldon: Oh. Very well. Reinitiating calibration sequence. *flips switch rapidly* One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten... *lights on drone don't turn solid yellow* eleven. It's a good thing I didn't send that letter.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Oh, hello. Hi. I didn't know he was going to point it at me, so don't do drugs and stay in school.
Leonard: They're graduating.
Penny: Okay, bye!

Quote from Raj

Raj: Hello, Daddy.
Dr. Koothrappali: What did you say to your mother?
Raj: Nothing. I was just calling to check in, make sure she's doing okay.
Dr. Koothrappali: Well, after talking to you, she seems to think I'm some sort of playboy.
Raj: Really? I don't know where she'd get an idea like that.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: What happened to me? When did I become an old man baffled by modern technology? Next thing you know, I'll be hitching my pants up to my armpits and complaining about the awful music the kids are listening to.
Sheldon: It is awful, isn't it? Listen to that noise.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: If your bathroom floor counts as a carry-on, you're packed.

Quote from Mrs. Koothrappali

Mrs. Koothrapalli: Hello, Rajesh. What a nice surprise.
Raj: Well, I've been thinking about you. How are you doing? Are you happy, Mummy?
Mrs. Koothrapalli: Such a sweet boy for asking. Cant believe you come from the poison seed of your father.

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