Quotes from ‘The Matrimonial Momentum’

The Matrimonial Momentum

'The Matrimonial Momentum' - Season 9, Episode 1

When Penny and Leonard arrive in Vegas to get married, Penny is still thinking about Leonard's admission that he kissed another girl. Meanwhile, Sheldon doesn't know what to think after Amy calls time on their relationship.

Air Date: September 21, 2015.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Penny. We are made of particles that have existed since the moment the universe began. I like to think those atoms traveled fourteen billion years through time and space to create us, so that we could be together and make each other whole.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Hold on. You're getting married and you didn't invite me?
Penny: It was kind of a spur of the moment thing.
Amy: Wow. Hope I can catch the bouquet from here.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Your friends? I think you mean my friends. And why wasn't I invited to this?
Amy: Maybe because the two of us being there would make them feel awkward.
Sheldon: We make everyone feel awkward. That's our thing!

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Aww, that was beautiful.
Howard: Yeah. I mean, not like our wedding beautiful.
Bernadette: No, we totally won.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I can't believe I'm spending my wedding night with you.
Sheldon: Really? I never imagined it any other way.

Quote from Leonard

Officiant: Is that the song from Toy Story?
Penny: He loves that movie.
Leonard: (emotional) I do.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, you don't need to worry about her. She's brilliant and attractive. She can do way better than Leonard.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: So what package are you thinking?
Leonard: This one comes with music and flowers. Oh, they even stream the whole thing live on the Internet.
Penny: Why would we want that?
Leonard: Because, there's a lot of gorgeous blondes out there who don't believe they can land a short, near-sighted scientist. Let's give them hope.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Leonard, have you gotten married yet?
Leonard: No. Why?
Sheldon: Good. Don't do it.
Leonard: Why not?
Sheldon: Some important new information has come to light. Women are the worst. I thought it was paper cuts but I was wrong. No piece of paper ever cut me this deep.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Leonard. You're not only the love of my life. You're my best friend. And you've got a friend in me. You got troubles. I got 'em too. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. We stick together and we can see it through, because you've got a friend in me.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: When last we spoke, you said you needed time.
Amy: It's only been eleven hours.
Sheldon: The Lord of the Rings trilogy was nearly eleven hours. I made you watch that, you said it was an eternity.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: No, I want to. Look, we've put this off long enough. Let's do it.
Leonard: Oh, that's exactly what you said the first time we slept together.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Well, I told her to be true to herself and do what makes her happy.
Sheldon: Do what makes her happy? She plays the harp and her car is paid for. How much happier can she be?

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: You feeling okay?
Amy: We were together for so long, I honestly don't know what I'm feeling.
Howard: That's understandable. You forgot. It's called happy.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I didn't want to come in. I was told it would make everyone uncomfortable. So I'll just stay out here and pretend I don't need to go to the bathroom.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: Well, honey, don't send it back yet. You're sister's married, and I'm not letting your brother give my grandmother's ring to that whore he's dating.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You would never make me kiss you, then say I love you, then break up with me.
Leonard: I wouldn't.
Sheldon: You know why? Because you're a man. The champagne of genders.
Leonard: I may be a man, but I think I'm the one that screwed up on this one.
Sheldon: And you admit it. Like a man. All your hear woman say is "I'll have a salad", "Where's my lip gloss?", "I think this element should be called radium."
That last one was Madame Curie.
Leonard: I figured that out.
Sheldon: You know what? She was sort of an honorary man. She had a penis made of science.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Buddy, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
Sheldon: Yes. If I ever talk about going out with a girl again, roll your eyes at me, like I do to you when you say dumb things.

Quote from Penny

Penny: You wrote vows?
Leonard: Yes.
Penny: I don't have any. You're kind of making me look bad.
Leonard: I don't have to say them.
Penny: No, go ahead. I'll come up with something mushy, you'll cry. We've got this.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Nicely done.
Leonard: Finally there's a Mrs. Hofstadter who isn't disappointed in me.
Penny: Well, the night is still young.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Listen. If you're imagining that it was sexy, it wasn't. We were both drunk and she smelled like an ashtray. The boat was moving a lot, so I chipped her tooth.
Penny: Did you feel guilty?
Leonard: Well, she had dental insurance.

Quote from Mary Cooper

Sheldon: Wasn't Mary Magdalene a woman of ill repute?
Mary Cooper: When your idiot brother redeems mankind, he can date whoever he wants.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Wow. Marriage must agree with you. You are just glowing.
Leonard: I'm not glowing. I'm upset.
Sheldon: Well, whatever it is, it agrees with you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Knock, knock, knock, Penny. Knock, knock, knock, Penny. Knock, knock, knock, Penny.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: It turns out being sweet isn't enough to keep a girl these days. I blame Madonna.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You know, this might sound far-fetched, but I'm on the market now. If I dated Mandy, that would teach both Leonard and Amy a lesson.
Penny: That's ridiculous.
Sheldon: Oh, you're right. I could never be with a woman whose self-esteem is so low she could be with Leonard.
Penny: I'm with Leonard.
Sheldon: Yeah, I know. Forever.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Would you mind opening the door and then angrily slamming it behind me?
Penny: Sure.
Sheldon: Thank you.
And slam it hard, because I am pretty steamed.

Quote from Stuart

Sheldon: I see what's happening. Sides are forming. Well, if Bernadette's on Amy's team, I pick Howard.
Howard: I'm not taking sides.
Sheldon: Fine. I guess I'm stuck with Raj.
Raj: Really?
Stuart: At least you got picked.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Amy's upset? Is it about me?
Leonard: No, I think it's because we're eloping.
Sheldon: Your marriage is causing her pain? You know great, I take it back. Go ahead and do it. Yay for love!

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Hang on. I believe I'm supposed to carry you across the threshold.
Penny: Can you?
Leonard: Who do you think carries Sheldon to bed when he falls asleep in front of the TV?

Quote from Mary Cooper

Mary Cooper: Do you wanna tell me what happened?
Sheldon: Are you gonna say it's all part of God's plan?
Mary Cooper: Good chance.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Would you like to hear another reason why men are better than women?
Leonard: Sure. Let's make it an even hundred.

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: Raj, you're probably wondering why Amy and I aren't showing any affection to one another.
Raj: Didn't even crack the top ten.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: What's this?
Sheldon: Leonard told me what happened, so I took it upon myself to make you a hot beverage.
Penny: Oh, that's so sweet of you.
Sheldon: I know.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Whatever. Put us on the Internet. I've always wanted a wedding with a comments section.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You seem to be headed somewhere. May I walk with you?
Amy: Sure.
Sheldon: Boy, I'm glad we're going out again.
Amy: We're not back together.
Sheldon: Why? Is there someone else? Just couldn't wait for that first notch on your bed post. Could you?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, you're going to a wedding alone. That's sad.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Hey, if you're hungry, there's a breakfast buffet at the strip club next door.
Penny: Thanks, but I don't like glitter on my scrambled eggs.
Leonard: I don't think the strippers prepare the meal, but okay.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: So, what do you think? Should we run next door and grab a bite?
Penny: Well, what if they call our names?
Leonard: Oh, don't worry. They gave me this vibrating coaster.
Penny: Oh, and the fairy tale continues.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Hello, mother.
Mary Cooper: Shelly. How's my baby doing?
Sheldon: I just wanted to let you know that you can remove Amy from your nightly prayers. Unless you're open to praying for a bee hive to fall on her head.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: I know what you're going through. My last break-up was pretty tough.
Amy: Oh, what was her name?
Stuart: Hey, it's a true story. I don't need the third degree.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Okay, look. Instead of fighting, why don't we dim the lights, get naked and make a baby?

Was trying to lighten the mood. It's not easy. You try it.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: And you promise you're okay with everything from the car?
Penny: Oh my God, Will you stop bringing it up?
Leonard: You're right. I'm sorry. We have the rest of our lives to dredge up stuff from the past and fight about it.

Quote from Sheldon


Mary Cooper: Oh, what's going on?
Sheldon: She broke up with me.
Mary Cooper: Oh, Shelly.
Sheldon: Well, I'll be okay. But I think I'd like to send the ring back to you.
Mary Cooper: Let's not be hasty. Are you sure it's over for good?
Sheldon: It's over for me. I'm done with women. Like when I swore off Pop Rocks, they both hurt you on purpose.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Look, I may not have been entirely faithful, but you, you are not easy to lift.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Is Penny crying?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Of course not. They thrive on our suffering.

Quote from Howard

Howard: I'm not saying anything bad. Just that she was in love with her captor and somehow managed to escape from his dark and crazy dungeon.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You know, Amy, I don't understand. Are we broken up or not? It's like you can't make up your mind.
Amy: It's because you're not giving me any space to think.
Sheldon: Well, you should think fast. Because men can sire offspring their entire life, but those eggs you're toting around have a sell-by date.

Quote from Stuart

Amy: I just hope I did the right thing.
Stuart: I'm sure you did. Maybe that's the problem, you always do the right thing. Maybe it's time to do the wrong thing?
Amy: Like you're doing right now?
Stuart: Exactly.

Quote from Stuart

Bernadette: What happened? They just got married.
Howard: I don't know. It's a mess. They had a huge fight in Vegas.
Bernadette: You think they'll break up?
Howard: I don't know. Sounds pretty bad. Penny's back in her apartment all by herself.
Stuart: Really?

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