Quotes from ‘The Bachelor Party Corrosion’

The Bachelor Party Corrosion

'The Bachelor Party Corrosion' - Season 9, Episode 3

When the guys head off to Mexico to throw a belated bachelor party for Leonard, their science skills are put to the test when their van gets a flat tire. Meanwhile, Bernadette and Amy pressure Penny to finally tell her parents she eloped with Leonard during her low-key bachelorette party.

Air Date: October 5, 2015.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Uh, well, actually, to be honest I haven't told her yet.
Penny: You've been giving me a hard time and you haven't even told your mom about Sheldon?
Amy: I'm feeling a little dizzy from all the blood loss. I don't know what you're talking about.

Quote from Penny

Penny: What are you doing back?
Leonard: We got a flat and couldn't get the tire off.
Penny: Oh, I'm sorry.
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: If it makes you feel any better, I pierced Amy's ears and her mom made her sit in my closet.
Sheldon: We blew up Feynman's van.
Penny: My dad killed my pig with his tractor.
Leonard: I spent the night in Mexico with Sheldon.
Penny: You win.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: We will, we will, percussive shock you.
Raj: We will, we will, percussive shock you.
Sheldon: Buddy, you're a boy, make a big noise, playin' in the street, gonna be a big man someday.
You got mud on your face, you big disgrace.
Kickin' your can all over the place.
I have an eidetic memory. Sometimes it's a curse.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Calm down. There's a theme to this weekend. We are going to Mexico in Feynman's van to stay at the vacation house Feynman bought with the money from his Nobel prize.
Sheldon: Viva la Imodium. Ay, ay ay!

Quote from Amy

Amy: I know we're not making a fuss, but in the spirit of bachelorette parties, I made cookies in the shape of male genitals.
Penny: You really didn't have to- Whoa, that is anatomic.
Amy: Thank you. The veins are gummy worms.
Bernadette: Oh, look, Jewish and gentile.
Amy: I had extra dough.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Leonard?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I am getting too old for this crud.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Well, Sheldon, there's something about this van that you're going to find very interesting.
Sheldon: It runs on syphilis?

Quote from Penny

Bernadette: We'll take you to the mall to get it done.
Penny: Why? I can do it right here.
Amy: Really? You have a piercing gun?
Penny: No. All you need is a needle and an ice cube. I've done it, like, a dozen times.
Amy: Oh, I don't know.
Penny: Oh, come on. I'll be gentle. Let me take your ear virginity.
Bernadette: This party's weird.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: Thanks a lot, guys.
Bernadette: What did we do?
Penny: Before I made that call, my pig was alive and happy and rolling around in the mud. Now he's illegally buried in our backyard next to my great-grandmother.
Bernadette: Really? They didn't eat him?
Penny: No! He was a beloved member of the family.
Bernadette: The breakfast meat family?

Quote from Penny

Amy: So, Penny, how's married life?
Penny: Oh, it's good. I just wish Leonard would work up the courage to tell Sheldon he's moving in here.
Bernadette: You guys still aren't living together?
Penny: We are. I mean, he sleeps here. But it's only a matter of time before Sheldon has a bad dream and tries to climb into bed with the Leonard-shaped pile of pillows.

Quote from Amy

Bernadette: Amy, I noticed your status still says "in a relationship" on Facebook.
Amy: You're right. I should probably let all of my Facebook friends know.
Penny, I'm no longer in a relationship.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: If this was Star Trek, we could use a phaser to blast it off.
Howard: No, it's too broad of a beam. You'd need something more precise, like Superman's heat vision.
Sheldon: Ooh, the Green Lantern's ring could make a big green hand that unscrews it.
Raj: If you need a green hand, why not just use the Hulk?
Sheldon: Oh, please, the Hulk would never get across the border with that temper.
Leonard: Guys, excuse me, not that calling one of the Avengers isn't a perfectly reasonable choice, but we're scientists. Don't you think we can figure this out using actual science?
Sheldon: Yes, we could use science. But it's your bachelor party. Lighten up.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: What if that burning food attracts animals?
Howard: We have plenty of food for the animals.
Sheldon: We do?
Howard: Yep. A six-foot wiener in a Flash T-shirt.
Sheldon: That's not very nice.
Leonard: It's a bachelor party. Lighten up.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Uh-oh. According to this Mexican Customs Web site, visitors may not bring more than five laser discs, 20 compact discs or 12 VHS tapes.
Raj: We don't have any of those.
Sheldon: How can you be sure? VHS was king when Feynman drove this van. For all we know, there are hidden compartments lousy with Jane Fonda workout videos.
Leonard: If there was a hidden compartment, don't you think you'd be stuffed in it by now?

Quote from Raj

Sheldon: Unhand me! This is ridiculous.
Howard: I told you to put tape on his mouth.
Raj: And I told you he bit me!

Quote from Penny

Penny: Oh, that's Leonard. He said they're about to cross the border.
Bernadette: I hope the boys don't get too crazy in Mexico.
Penny: Oh, yeah, right. Lock up your daughters or Sheldon might lecture them about the North American Free Trade Agreement.
Amy: Boy, that was a long night for me.

Quote from Penny

Amy: Hi, Mom.
How are you doing? Oh, good.
How's work? That's nice.
I'm fine.
Hey, listen, I've been meaning to ask, how come Aunt Doe and Aunt Florence never got along?
Penny: Okay, just give me that. Amy broke up with Sheldon, she got her ears pierced and she made us eat penis cookies!
Hang on. She wants to talk to you.

Quote from Amy

Bernadette: Speaking of Sheldon, how's single life treating you?
Amy: Fine, I guess. I've been focusing on me. I was thinking about changing my wardrobe.
Penny: Yes!
Bernadette: Good for you!
Amy: But then I decided I don't want to go changing who I am just because of some man.
Penny: Yes.
Bernadette: Good for you.
Penny: You know, it is normal to want to change your look after a breakup.
Amy: Actually, I was thinking of making one small change.
Bernadette: Your sweater?
Penny: Your glasses?
Bernadette: Your hair?
Penny: Your shoes.
Amy: Piercing my ears.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Piercing my ears.
Penny: Oh.
Bernadette: Oh, you really never had that done?
Amy: My mom said pierced ears were for whores, pirates and genies.
Penny: Okay, well, you're a grown woman now.
Amy: I know, but Sheldon had this clause in the Relationship Agreement forbidding cosmetic surgery unless it's to look like a Klingon.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, I'd hardly call this kidnapping. Where's the blindfold? Where's the duct-tape? Where's the part where you call me and demand ransom? And I try to keep you on the phone but you hang up seconds before I can trace it. And then I say, "I'm getting too old for this crud."

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: So, are you going to give us a clue where we're headed?
Raj: Okay. Let's see. They've got spicy food and there's a chance you'll get diarrhoea.
Leonard: India.
Raj: We can drive there.
Leonard: Your house?

Quote from Penny

Bernadette: Come on, Leonard's doing bachelor stuff. You sure we can't take you to a strip club?
Penny: Nah, if I want to see a naked dancing man, I just flush the toilet while Leonard's in the shower.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: Hey, watch your speed. I hear the Mexican police target tourists.
Howard: Oh, not a problem. If anything goes down, we just put Koothrappali in the driver's seat and slap a sombrero on his head.
Raj: Dude, how many races can you offend in a single breath?
Howard: I don't know. Have you watched the Olympics with me?

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Perhaps some of his mojo will rub off on us. Maybe between this and his beach house, we will be inspired to greatness.
Sheldon: I usually don't put too much stock in charms and talismans. However, even I must admit feeling Richard Feynman's butt dent cupping my own bottom that does get the creative juices flowing.
Howard: Hey, I have to return this van.
Sheldon: Keep your creative juices in your pants.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What was that?
Howard: I think it's a tire.
Sheldon: What if it's banditos shooting at us? What if we get kidnapped? What if we end up in a factory making Bart Simpson pinatas for the rest of our lives?

Quote from Penny

Amy: How long do you think you can keep it from him?
Bernadette: Yeah, isn't it gonna get worse the longer you wait?
Penny: Well, not necessarily. You know, Dad's not getting any younger, so if I wait long enough, I'll just tell him he walked me down the aisle and it was magical.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: When did you learn how to change a tire?
Howard: Every self-respecting gentleman should know how in case he comes across a damsel in distress by the side of the road.
Sheldon: If I see one scorpion, I am getting on someone's shoulders and never coming down.
Leonard: And there's your damsel.

Quote from Amy

Penny: There you go, you're all done!
Amy: That wasn't so bad. Nice!
Boy, if my mom could see me now, she'd lock me in the sin closet.
Bernadette: That's a joke, right?
Amy: Actually, the joke was on her. I could still see the TV through the slats.
Penny: I'm starting to see why you and your mom aren't very close.

Quote from Howard

Howard: You put up a good fight, lug nut, but you've met your match.

Quote from Howard

Howard: What are you doing?
Raj: It's called Lamaze breathing. It helps you push.
Howard: Great! He's pushing with his uterus.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Let's take this problem one step at a time. First, we need to decide whether we're calling it lee-ver or lev-er.
And the sooner we decide it's lee-ver, the sooner we can roll up our slee-ves - and not sle-ves - and get to work.
Leonard: We're going to be here for ee-ver.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Why am I so nervous?
Bernadette: It's understandable. Amy was afraid to tell her mom she broke up with Sheldon.
Penny: Yeah? How did it go? Did she make you crawl into the breaking-up drawer?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: It's bad enough that I'm being taken against my will. I don't see why it has to be in some hippie's mobile sex dungeon.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Would you pass the mustard.
Leonard: Sure. Hey, you wanna hear a fun fact about mustard?
Sheldon: Is it that the glucosinolates that give mustard its flavor were evolved by the cabbage family as a defense against caterpillars?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Well, that was fun. Good for you, Leonard.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: This was Feynman's van? This is so cool.
Raj: Yeah, nothing's been changed since he drove it.
Howard: Bet he picked up a lot of cute grad students in this bad boy.
Sheldon: And talked about physics with them.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Hey, look! The lug nut's off.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: What's wrong with Mexico?
Sheldon: Uh, Mariachi bands, wild dogs, beans that jump around because there's a worm inside.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Are we all up to date on our yellow fever inoculations?
Howard: You don't need a yellow fever shot to go to Mexico.
Sheldon: You can never be too careful. I got one last year before I went to Epcot.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: We are going to Me-he-co.
Leonard: Fun! I've never been there.
Sheldon: Leonard, don't be fooled. I'm from Texas. Me-he-co is Spanish for Mexico.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Sheldon, can you believe that we're driving in a van that was owned by one of the greatest scientific minds of the 20th century?
It's like the Batmobile. If Batman was real and a physicist and his car wasn't cool.

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