Howard: May I say something?
Bernadette: Is it about how I can't have new wallpaper 'cause your dad left when you were little and your mom died?
Howard: Never mind.

Wil Wheaton: Hey, Sheldon. This is Adam Nimoy.
Adam Nimoy: Nice to meet you.
Sheldon: Oh, it's nice to meet you. I admire your father's work very much.
It's not every day I get to meet someone whose life's journey began in my hero's scrotum.

Sheldon: As a child, when faced with a dilemma, my mother encouraged me to ask, "€œWhat would Jesus do?" The answer to that was always, "Love thy neighbor." But my neighbor had a dead tooth, so that wasn't going to happen.
But that's why I changed it to, "€œWhat would Spock do?"
Adam Nimoy: Did you find that helpful?
Sheldon: Yes. Oh, for example, three years ago when I discovered Penny was eating all my Pop-Tarts, instead of getting angry or vindictive, you know, I got a floor safe.
Penny: I knew I could smell 'em.

Bernadette: Hey. You got a minute?
Howard: Not really. Visigoths are kind of up my butt right now.
Bernadette: Pause the game, Howard.
Howard: "Howard?" Uh-oh. Make room, Visigoths.

Mike Rostenkowski: You know, I know you don't want to hear this, but it wouldn't take that much work to turn that den into a nursery.
Howard: Why wouldn't I want to hear it?
Mike Rostenkowski: 'Cause Bernie said you didn't want kids.
Howard: That's not true at all. I wish she'd get pregnant, believe me. I'm climbing on top of her every chance I get.
In a loving and respectful manner.

Sheldon: I also have the other kind of will, and in it I will my Wil back to Wil.
Leonard: Will Wil want it?
Wil Wheaton: Wil won't.

Mike Rostenkowski: You gonna be okay down here?
Howard: Yeah. Yeah, I feel like an archaeologist. Indiana Jones and the Single-Family Dwelling.

Howard: Look, uh I don't even think you can take this wall down 'cause it's load-bearing.
Raj: Well, it's easy to find out. Just go into the crawlspace under the house and check.
Howard: When is your visa up?

Sheldon: Not only is it signed to me but this is where he wiped his mouth. So we are currently in the presence of Leonard Nimoy's DNA.
Wil Wheaton: Um, doesn't Adam count as Leonard Nimoy's DNA?
Sheldon: No offense, but this is pure 100% Nimoy. Because of your mother, you're only 50%. Which isn't bad, but anything that you wipe your mouth on gets thrown away.

Penny: What else you hiding in there?
Sheldon: Wouldn't you like to know?
Penny: I would.
Sheldon: All right then. See, just my valuables. My passport, uh, my will-
Leonard: You have a will?
Sheldon: Yeah. My 1/18 scale Wil Wheaton action figure.

Adam Nimoy: What about from when you were a kid?
Sheldon: Oh, certainly.
Sheldon: Uh, when I was eight years old, Billy Sparks cornered me in the playground.
I asked myself, "What would Spock do?" Then I grabbed Billy on his shoulder and performed my first Vulcan nerve pinch.
Adam Nimoy: Did it work?
Sheldon: Oh, no. He broke my collarbone. I can still hear it click.

Adam Nimoy: And what is your earliest memory of the character Spock?
Sheldon: The first episode of Star Trek: The Original Series I ever saw was "The Galileo Seven." Uh, Spock had just landed on the planet Taurus II.
Then my brother came in, sat on my head, and said, "Eat farts." After that day, I was hooked.
On Star Trek, not my brother's sphincter-based cuisine.

Howard: Hey, look! I found a seashell.
Mike Rostenkowski: Yeah, that's a rat skull.
Howard: (shrieks)
Mike Rostenkowski: Relax. There's enough droppings down here without you making more.

Howard: But what room?
Bernadette: How 'bout this one?
Howard: No way. No, this is the room I associate the most with my mom.
Bernadette: Then how 'bout the bathroom?
Howard: I want to change my answer.

Penny: I can't believe Sheldon was gonna ask Amy to marry him.
Leonard: I know. I also can't believe he watched what we did on that couch and still sits on it.

Bernadette: So I should probably explain why I kind of fibbed.
Howard: That would be nice.
Bernadette: I told my dad that you were the one who didn't want kids because I didn't want to disappoint him.
Howard: But you were okay throwing me under the bus?
Bernadette: Turns out yeah, I didn't think twice about it.

Sheldon: Hello, Amy. It's Sheldon. Yeah, I know that we're broken up, but I'm leaving this message because I thought perhaps you'd like to watch me be interviewed for a documentary about Mr. Spock.
Or as I like to call it, a Spockumentary.
Yeah, I'm going to use that joke in the interview, so try to laugh like you're hearing it for the first time.
You know, hysterically. And with a tinge of sadness that I'm no longer in your life.

Mike Rostenkowski: Bernie, you don't need to worry about me. But I don't want to see you miss out. Raising children was the most rewarding experience of my life.
Bernadette: Oh, please. Mom did everything. All you did was come home from work, sit on the couch and drink beer. How is that raising kids?
Mike Rostenkowski: This is really a conversation for husband and wife. I'm gonna go clean up, hit the road. If your mother asks, I was here till 10:00.

Raj: It's interesting your father didn't help around the house and Howard doesn't help, either, so in a way, Howard's not only like your father, but he's also like the child that you're afraid to have.
Howard: Why are you still here?
Raj: Fine, I'll leave. But it sounds like somebody needs a fresh diaper.

Sheldon: Penny, you spent some time in front of the camera. Any words of advice?
Penny: Yes. Don't take your shirt off just because the director said so.
Sheldon: This is a documentary about Mr. Spock. I'm sure if there's nudity, it will be tasteful.

Leonard: Well, now instead of idolizing fictional characters, you can focus on the real people who are already in your life.
Sheldon: Those are very wise words.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: They'd just be so much more comforting if they came out of a television.

Leonard: When did we get a wall safe?
Sheldon: When there was no more room in the floor safe.
Leonard: When did we get a floor safe?
Sheldon: When we got the security camera.
Leonard: There's a security camera?
Sheldon: Aquaman, protecting your home since 2012.
Penny: Oh, my God. We've done things on that couch.
Sheldon: Yeah, you don't have to tell me.

Adam Nimoy: What was it about Spock that appealed to you?
Sheldon: I think the same thing that appeals to people everywhere, the dream of a cold, rational world entirely without human emotion.
Spock came from a planet governed only by logic.
You know, on Vulcan, when your brother asks, "Why are you hitting yourself?" The answer is, "I'm not. You're moving my arm." To which he says, "fascinating." And then you both watch educational television.

Bernadette: Seriously? You brought Raj over to take your side?
Raj: Your dad's on your side.
Bernadette: He's not on my side. He's doing all the work for free.
Raj: That is so generous of you. I'd like to switch sides.

Bernadette: Hey, Raj. Dad and I were just talking about taking down this wall.
Raj: You sure? It's a pretty great wall.
Mike Rostenkowski: What's so great about it?
Raj: (To Howard) I'm sorry. I did what I could.

Leonard: Did you hear about this study that found people that were cool and popular at 13 have problems succeeding later in life?
Raj: Hmm. I'm doing okay, and I was very popular at 13.
Penny: In school?
Raj: Oh, no. At home. The servants would sing to me, laugh at my jokes. I wish I knew their names.

Wil Wheaton: This documentary is going to be awesome!

Bernadette: Whatcha doing?
Howard: Oh! Making myself a bologna sandwich like my mom used to make me after my dad left, but before she died.

Wil Wheaton: I told you, this guy is gold!

Bernadette: All right. Let's start over. I'm redecorating. The furniture, the carpeting, the walls. I'm changing everything that depresses me when I look at it. Try not to be one of those things.

Bernadette: Look, I get that you grew up here and you're attached to things looking a certain way, but I want this to feel like my house, too.
Howard: Oh, honey, of course it's your house. Why else would you be cleaning it all the time?

Penny: Does the study say what happens to the unpopular kids?
Leonard: You tell me. You woke up in bed with one.

Leonard: How long have you known Adam?
Wil Wheaton: A few years.
Leonard: Mm-hmm. And what are you getting him back for?

Sheldon: We've gotten a little off-topic. Allow me to make things entertaining again in this little Spockumentary. That was Leonard's joke.

Penny: Aw. When he says things like that, I just want to hug him and make everything better.
Leonard: My brother was mean to me, too. Yeah, you probably had it coming.

Adam Nimoy: All right, we're just gonna have a conversation. Pretend the camera's not here.
Sheldon: All right. But this better not be some elaborate scheme to get me out of my shirt.

Leonard: I'm the one who thought of "Spockumentary."
Penny: And I'm laughing like I did the first time I heard it.

Penny: Look at that. I'm in a movie, my shirt stayed on.