Quotes from ‘The Mystery Date Observation’

The Mystery Date Observation

'The Mystery Date Observation' - Season 9, Episode 8

Sheldon, Wolowitz and Koothrappali post an online advertisement to find Sheldon a new girlfriend. Also, when Amy is coy with details about a guy she is dating, Penny and Bernadette decide to spy.

Air Date: November 12, 2015.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Come on, Amy, show us the dress.
Amy: Okay, but I'm really stepping outside of my comfort zone here.
Penny: Uh, I don't think any of your comfort zones are showing.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: How could you send her away?!
Sheldon: She was late. And she found atomic spectroscopy boring. I wouldn't coitus her with your genitals.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: I think it's so adorable you're making Sheldon breakfast.
Leonard: Well, he's having a rough time. Amy broke his heart, the DVR cut off the last minute of Doctor Who, that crow followed him home.

Quote from Raj

Raj: You're not wrong about Fruit Stripe. I-I was always a Hubba Bubba man.
Howard: Hubba Bubba over Dubble Bubble? You're crazy.
Raj: Hey, the jaw wants what it wants.

Quote from Penny

Bernadette: Yeah, it's your third date, maybe you could go more sexy.
Amy: Well, some people think the sexiest organ is the brain.
Penny: No one ever bought me drinks at a bar because my brain just popped out of my shirt.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Are you sure? I've heard that on those sites, often when you think you're corresponding with someone, it's actually a computer program pretending to be a real person.
Raj: And you're afraid it'll do a better job than you?
Sheldon: Excuse me. No one does a better job pretending to be a person than I do. Siri comes close, but I know more jokes.

Quote from Howard

Howard: If you don't want to use dating Web sites, what do you suggest?
Sheldon: Off the top of my head? Prospective women weed themselves out in a battle of wits until only one champion remains, she shows up at my door flush with the thrill of victory, and then sits quietly by my side while I watch Daredevil.
Howard: You seriously think women would fight for you?
Sheldon: People compete for jobs and trophies, why not me?
Howard: He's right. He knows a lot of jokes.

Amy: If you don't mind me asking, why did you and your wife split up?
Dave: Oh, you know how it is. We wanted different things. I wanted children, and she wanted a pastry chef named Jean-Philippe.

Quote from Raj

Raj: 37 minutes left until the deadline.
Sheldon: Someone will show.
Howard: And no matter what happens, this is still a fun experiment.
Raj: Not as fun as the night we blew up grapes in the microwave. We really have led full lives.

Quote from Sheldon

Vanessa: And I don't need to tell you, there aren't a lot of men who love physics, archaic languages and flags of the world.
Sheldon: I am a bit of a unicorn.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I realized something. When Amy was in my life, I was hyper-focused on my work and ignored her.
Penny: And you don't want to make the same mistake with the next woman.
Sheldon: No, I need a new woman in my life to ignore so I can hyper-focus on my work again.

Quote from Amy

Penny: Well, we're your best friends. Give us one more detail and we promise we'll leave you alone.
Amy: Fine. Umm ... he's British.
(Penny and Bernadette squeal)
Amy: All right, that is a juicy one.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: Oh, my God, they're coming right towards us.
Bernadette: We got to get out of here.
Penny: Okay. Well, wait, what about Leonard?
Bernadette: He and his tiny bladder can take the bus!

Quote from Leonard

Dave: OMG! Aren't you Leonard Hofstadter?
Leonard: Yeah. I saw you speak at Stanford with Sheldon Cooper! Amy, can you believe it? It's Dr. Leonard Hofstadter!
Amy: No. Pinch me.
Dave: It's an absolute pleasure to meet you. Can I shake your hand?
Leonard: I don't know if you want to do that, I was just-
Okay, never mind.
Dave: Amy, I'm never washing this hand again.
Leonard: You really should.

Amy: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Dave: No, it's fine. It's why I left England. It reminded me too much of her.
Cold, gloomy and easily accessed by a Frenchman through a tunnel.

Quote from Penny

Amy: I'm gonna go look for other shoes.
Penny: Good luck. I threw out all my tall ones when I married Leonard.

Quote from Raj

Raj: But it is basic human nature. If we present him as a prize, maybe they would.
Howard: Well, he's smart, he's a respected scientist-
Sheldon: And I have the soulful eyes of a cow.
Raj: I don't know if I'd say you - Oh.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: I don't understand why we're leaving so early for the movie.
Penny: Oh, I forgot to tell you, we're gonna meet up with Bernadette to spy on Amy and her date.
Leonard: What? I don't want to do that.
Penny: What, and you think I want to see a documentary about aluminum can recycling?
Leonard: This is the movie Big Soda doesn't want you to see.
Penny: No, it's the movie your wife doesn't want you to see.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: So you're actually okay with invading your friend's privacy?
Penny: You're not curious who she's out with?
Leonard: Not really.
Penny: But you're curious about aluminum cans. You're a weird little guy.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Maybe you don't want someone exactly like you. You know what they say: opposites attract.
Sheldon: Well, by that logic, I should be with someone short, dull and needy, eh? Not to cast aspersions, but I can't shake a stick around here without hitting that.

Quote from Howard

Raj: 60 seconds. This is not looking good.
Sheldon: One minute is a long time.
Howard: I've been telling women that for 20 years.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Hey, you want to swing by that place tonight and get a look at this guy?
Penny: We don't even know what time they're gonna be there.
Bernadette: I'll just call the restaurant, pretend I'm Amy and check the reservation.
Penny: Damn, you're sneaky.
Bernadette: Yeah, but I'm little, so it's adorable.

Quote from Bernadette

Leonard: Okay, we saw them. Can we go catch the movie?
Bernadette: Why'd you bring him?
Penny: I had to. We're married now.
Bernadette: Ugh, I hear that.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: You sure you're up for that? She did hurt you.
Sheldon: Oh, no, it's all right. I think of my time with Amy as a stick of Fruit Stripe gum: sweet and enjoyable at first, but ultimately a flavorless lump of sadness.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Right now, somewhere, a woman is dividing the atomic weight of the best noble gas by the number of colors in the oldest national flag still in use-
Howard: Then using that number as the average speed to calculate the travel time from Mordor to the Shire.
Sheldon: And taking her first step towards a lifetime of laughter, love and, best of all, rules.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Don't take advice from a man who threw his shoe at a crow.

Amy: We were on a date. Very much like this one.
Dave: Mmm, I doubt it was like this one. I mean, he's a genius, and I wasn't even smart enough to figure out why my wife always smelled of croissants.

Quote from Amy

Dave: You know, I once drove 500 miles to hear him speak at Stanford.
Amy: I have a DVD of that lecture.
Dave: Really? Wasn't it great?
Amy: Not as a Valentine's present, no.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Maybe she's waiting to show up at the last possible moment.
Sheldon: Ugh, sounds like a drama queen. Oh, no. It is Jennifer Lawrence.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Hey, I made French toast sticks.
Sheldon: On oatmeal day?
Leonard: Ah, I also made oatmeal.
Sheldon: Ooh, that's a lot of carbohydrates for a man on the prowl. You know what? You eat it. You're married, it doesn't matter what you look like.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Aren't you worried you're making French toast on oatmeal day?
Leonard: Ah, well, what's this? A pot of oatmeal? Or, thanks to you, what I will now call "gloatmeal".
Penny: Oh, I don't want credit for that.

Quote from Bernadette

Amy: Do you have any heels higher than this? He's pretty tall.
Bernadette: Ooh, tall! Finally some details about this mystery man.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Can I see?
Penny: What, now you're interested? You didn't even want to come.
Leonard: I know, but you guys make being a crappy friend look fun.

Quote from Bernadette

Leonard: It looks like they're having a nice time. I wish I could hear what they're saying.
Bernadette: Yeah, I should've brought my parabolic microphone.
Penny: Your what?
Bernadette: Nothing. Not important.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: Oh, damn it, we should have brought binoculars.
Bernadette: Right here.
Leonard: We just happen to have those in the car?
Bernadette: Kinda. Before I met Howie, I liked to keep close tabs on my boyfriends.
Leonard: By stalking them?
Bernadette: No. Stalkers are creepy. I'm just a harmless little girl with military-grade spy equipment.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: All I'm looking for is an educated, intelligent woman who shares my interests while retaining her own unique point of view. She should be kind, patient, and most important, unable to imagine life without me by 10:00 tonight.
Howard: Isn't that a little unreasonable?
Sheldon: All right, fine, she doesn't need her own point of view. Now, chop chop.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Well, this is actually an interesting social experiment.
Raj: I'm a little jealous of the people who get to do it.
Howard: Me, too. And we've seen the prize.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, Dr. and Mrs. Hofstadter, lovely to see you this fine morning.
Leonard: You're in a good mood.
Sheldon: Yeah, I am indeed. I have decided, instead of wallowing in sadness about Amy, it is time that I find myself a new female companion.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Thank you for coming by, gentlemen.
Howard: No problem.
Raj: So what's up?
Sheldon: Well, it was the two of you who found Amy Farrah Fowler for me.
Now that I'm looking for my next girlfriend, it seemed only logical that I employ your services once again.

Dave: Well, the next time you watch it, I'm the bloke who asked the question that he said was stupid and obvious. It was the nicest thing he said to anyone there.
Amy: That's, um, terrific.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What if it's Jennifer Lawrence?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Oh, that last Hunger Games was not my cup of tea.
Howard: You thought she was great in X-Men.
Sheldon: Oh, fine. I won't shut my heart to the love of Jennifer Lawrence.

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