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Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.

Quote from Leonard in the episode Pilot

Leonard: I love cheesecake.
Sheldon: You're lactose-intolerant.
Leonard: I don't eat it. I just think it's a good idea.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Sheldon: I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole but as far as the population of this car goes you're a veritable mack daddy.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Penny: Would it be weird if I used your shower?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: (to Sheldon) No!
Sheldon: No?
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: (to Penny) No.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Leonard: Come on! We have a combined IQ of 360 we should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building.
*Two girls selling cookies ring every bell, the door opens*
Sheldon: What do you think their combined IQ is ?

Quote from Leonard in the episode Pilot

Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Leonard: New neighbor?
Sheldon: It seems so.
Leonard: Significant improvement over the old neighbor.
Sheldon: A 200 pound transvestite with a skin condition, yes, she is.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Leonard: What makes you think she wouldn't have sex with me? I'm a male and she's a female.
Sheldon: Yes, but not of the same species.

Quote from Penny in the episode Pilot

Penny: Oh, anyways I'm also writing a screenplay. It's about this sensitive girl who comes to LA from Lincoln, Nebraska, to be an actress and who ends up a waitress at the cheesecake factory.
Leonard: So it's based on your life?
Penny: No, I'm from Omaha!

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Sheldon: My mom bought me those pants.
Leonard: I'm Sorry!
Sheldon: You're gonna have to call her.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Sheldon: So, if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either is observed, it will not go through both. If it's unobserved, it will. However, if it's observed after it left the plane, before it hits it's target, it will not have gone through both slits.
Leonard: Agreed! What's Your Point?
Sheldon: There's no point, I just think it's a good idea for a T-shirt!

Quote from Leonard in the episode Pilot

Leonard: (Helping Althea with the crossword puzzle) One across is Aegean, eight down is Nabokov, 26 across is MCM, fourteen down is-- move your finger, phylum, which makes 14 across Port-au-Prince. See, Papa Doc's capital idea, that's Port-au-Prince. Haiti.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Leonard, I don't think I can do this.
Leonard: What are you, kidding? You're a semi-pro.
Sheldon: No, we are committing genetic fraud. There's no guarantee that our sperm's going to generate high-IQ offspring. Think about that. I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
Leonard: Not really!
Sheldon: If the height of a step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip.
Leonard: I don't care. 2 millime--? That doesn't seem right.
Sheldon: It's true. I did a series of experiments when I was 12. My father broke his clavicle.
Leonard: Is that why they sent you to boarding school?
Sheldon: No. That was the result of my work with lasers.

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