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Quote from Bernadette in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Bernadette: I now pronounce you husband and wife. And weird other husband who came with the apartment.

Quote from Mary Cooper in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Sheldon: Why do people cry at weddings?
Mary Cooper: They're practicing for what's coming later.

Quote from Penny in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Penny: Your parents are old. Anything unspeakable was finished by 9:30.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Sheldon: So, did you defile my mother or not?

Quote from in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Susan: Penny, I don't know what I was worried about. You're friends are just lovely.
Penny: Oh, thanks, Mom.
Susan: Although that Sheldon is a bit peculiar.
Penny: Is he? I never noticed.
Wyatt: He reminds me of that turkey we had who drowned looking up at the rain.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Alfred Hofstadter: Look, I promise you, neither I, nor anyone, has ever said that.
Leonard: You don't know his girlfriend very well.
Sheldon: Or what a joy it is to behold my genitals.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Leonard: We're not gonna be brothers. We're not gonna be step brothers. Go to sleep.
Sheldon: I hope you're right. 'Cause a grown man living with his brother and his brother's wife is weird.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Alfred Hofstadter:: If I may, I can assure you, your mother and I did nothing more than share a cab and a conversation.
Sheldon: Did that conversation include the phrase "your genitals are a joy to behold"?

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Beverly Hofstadter: I don't see why I should have to watch your father parade around with some Bible-thumping bumpkin.
Sheldon: Oh. Excuse me, that is my mother you're talking about, however accurately.

Quote from Bernadette in the episode The Conjugal Conjecture

Howard: That's great, now they know where I live.
Raj: What are you talking about? They've always known where you live.
Bernadette: Yeah, if you want to go off the grid, you have to move out of your mother's house.

Quote from in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Colonel Williams: Look, guys, it's just a guidance system. It's not like you're handing us the Death Star from Star Trek.

Quote from Bernadette in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Quote from Raj in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Raj: Wail till I Snapchat that my friends might be working on a top secret government project.
Leonard: Are you crazy? You can't put that on Snapchat.
Raj: Fine, I'll put it on Facebook like a caveman.

Quote from Penny in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Penny: You know, when Leonard's feeling anxious, I make him take a long walk.
Amy: Does that help?
Penny: For a while, then he comes back.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Howard: I was counting on that money. I need to make as much as my wife so I don't have to try so hard in bed.

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