Leonard: Oh, it's just nice to be with people who are happy to have me around. Isn't that right, Halley?
*Halley starts crying*
Howard: Well, at least someone had the courage to say it.

Penny: It's not that I want to go, I just think it'll make Leonard happy. And if I have to watch him squeeze into an Ewok costume, so be it.
Amy: Look at you, going to Comic-Con, talking about Ewoks. I really have become the cool one around here.

Amy: Comfy?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm just happy I don't know what this memory foam remembers.

Sheldon: At our age, why don't we call it man's night?
Leonard: Because we just spent our allowance on comic books.

Leonard: It's not that I'd stopped trying, it's just how relationships progress. They start with infatuation, but over time mellow into something more comfortable.
Sheldon: Hmm. Yeah, you're right. It's like when I first encountered the Pythagorean Theorem. You know, I was blown away that the square of the hypotenuse was the sum of the squares of the opposite sides. Yeah, but now I'm just like "eh."

Penny: Oh, that's a nice offer.
Zack: You know, we'd make a great team. Or as we say in the menu business, I can't do this without Me N U.
Penny: Right, 'cause it spells "menu."
Zack: Yeah, right? It's funny. I got a lot of menu jokes, but that's my favorite.

Sheldon: So Bernadette, if I express interest in your baby will you promise not to make me touch it?
Bernadette: Sure.
Sheldon: Hey, how's life with your baby?
Amy: Really? You're never gonna touch their baby?
Sheldon: To this day I've never touched Stuart.

Sheldon: I may have lost my guidance system and my girlfriend, but I still have a colon full of yesterday's meals to keep me company. Although, thanks to your high-fiber breakfast, I'm sure that'll be leaving me, too.

Stuart: And if my heart stops, just let me go.

Sheldon: I am not proud of this. But I have been envious of your recent success.
Bert: Wow, I won the MacArthur Grant, everyone's jealous of me. Once I get LASIK, I'll be out of things to wish for.

Amy: Why don't you ask me what I'm working on?
Sheldon: Oh, very well. What have you been working on? And feel free to honk during the boring parts.

Raj: It looks like a map from Dungeons & Dragons.
Howard: Mm. Except the creature in the crib is a level-nine poop monster.

Bernadette: Not every girl dreams about being a mom. Sometimes you think you're never gonna have kids and one day you wake up and you're pregnant. And it doesn't matter that your career's going great right now and that you and your husband never even got to go anywhere taped to a dog!

Howard: Learning anything?
Bernadette: Well, sloth babies cling to their mothers' bodies for almost a year. I'm going back to work after only four months. So, I've learned I hate myself, I hate sloths, and I hate you for bringing me here.

Howard: Stuart, stop driving like an old man. Speed it up a little.
Stuart: I'm not an old man! I just can't see at night.