Sheldon: Physicist, baker, lover, what can't I do?

Sheldon: Because there's only one of me, I'm more valuable.
Penny: Right.
Sheldon: Although, Amy's already taken me out of my package and played with me.

Mary Cooper: Sheldon, if you're trying to prove me wrong, the tighty-whities on your head ain't changing my mind.

Raj: Don't come to the hospital. We're headed home.
Penny: Oh, that was fast. Did she sneeze the baby out?

Amy: What is this?
Sheldon: A functional MRI of my brain. I did Sudoku before they took it so I'd be ripped.
Amy: I love it. Thank you.
Sheldon: And it's not just an MRI. The orbitofrontal cortex is lit up because I was thinking of you.

Sheldon: No, I know, but plenty of things are addictive after a single exposure. I mean, crack cocaine, nicotine, Pringles. You know, once one pops one just can't stop.

Penny: Howard and Bernadette's kid might be born on your birthday. How cool is that?
Amy: Yeah, but I thought this baby was supposed to ruin their sex life, not mine.

Amy: What is this?
Sheldon: I'm mapping basic topics of conversation and with whom they can be discussed.
I call these circles "Zones of Privacy". Don't Google that unless you want to see pictures of people's genitals.

Sheldon: Do you think your father's doing unspeakable things to my mother?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Are you saying that because the things are unspeakable?
Penny: Your parents are old. Anything unspeakable was finished by 9:30.

Penny: Okay, I understand everyone's a little tense today, so I am just gonna get to the important stuff. Leonard, standing here with you in front of our family and friends is bringing up a lot of feelings. Like what a good idea it was to elope the first time. But also how incredibly happy you make me. Thank you for marrying me. Hopefully for the last time.

Howard: It's pretty late. You think I've got time to run some more simulations on the cooling system?
Leonard: Sure, I'm still figuring out the thermo-acoustic expander.
Sheldon: Oh, while you do that I am going to pump cerebral spinal fluid through my brain cells to remove the metabolic by-products of the day's thoughts.
Howard: What?
Sheldon: It's called sleep and it's my bedtime. Nighty-night, y'all.

Penny: You know, there was a time I would say "God bless you," and then you would say "If you must invoke an imaginary deity, how about Thor?" And I would say, "How do you know I didn't mean Thor?" And then you would say "Touche," and that there ends the tale of why I no longer say "God bless you."
Sheldon: Well, we have had some fun, haven't we?
Penny: Oh, yeah.

Bert: I met her on G-Harmony. That's a Web site for geologists to find love.
Amy: That's a real thing?
Bert: Yeah. Their slogan is "We're all about dating and not the carbon-14 kind".

Penny: We wouldn't even sit in your spot while you're gone.
Sheldon: You're darn right, you wouldn't. No matter where I am, this will always be my spot. Like an embassy in a foreign country, this seat is the sovereign soil of my bottom.

Penny: So, Bert, you were telling us how you updated your profile?
Bert: Right. I wasn't getting any responses, and then I added, "Recent $625,000 MacArthur grant winner", and five minutes later, I met my soul mate.
*Amy goes to the hallway*
Amy: I was wrong. You can come back in.