Amy: Aww, I remember signing our first Relationship Agreement.
Sheldon: You seem to be forgetting the "no nostalgia" clause.

Bernadette: Anybody have anything snarky to say about that? Didn't think so.

Sheldon: Well, this is highly insulting.
Amy: Sheldon, don't overreact.
Sheldon: I'm the child she was worried about? I have a brother and sister whose combined intellectual wattage couldn't power a potato clock ... if I spotted them the potato.

Penny: Uh, what's new?
Zack: Oh, tons of stuff. Put artificial grass in my backyard, got engaged, had a scary mole that turned out to be Sharpie.
Penny: Well, congratulations.
Zack: That's what my dermatologist said.
Penny: No, on getting engaged, good for you.
Zack: Oh, thanks.

Raj: Yeah, this military guy showed up at Howard's door. He was terrifying.
Sheldon: Oh no, what did he say?
Raj: He gave me his business card and asked me to please pass it along to Howard.
Sheldon: That doesn't sound terrifying.
Raj: Not to a white guy born here, no. To a brown guy whose name has a lot of syllables in it - terrifying.

Sheldon: Oh, you know. The Lone Star state. That should be its Yelp rating.

Penny: It's not that I want to go, I just think it'll make Leonard happy. And if I have to watch him squeeze into an Ewok costume, so be it.
Amy: Look at you, going to Comic-Con, talking about Ewoks. I really have become the cool one around here.

Sheldon: We don't need Howard's cousin, no. We have me.
Leonard: You're not a lawyer, Sheldon, you're just a know-it-all.
Sheldon: I am not a know-it-all. I'm a person who knows lots of things and likes to correct other people when they're wrong.
Leonard: That's the definition of being a know-it-all.
Sheldon: Or in German, a Besserwisser.

Amy: Why don't you ask me what I'm working on?
Sheldon: Oh, very well. What have you been working on? And feel free to honk during the boring parts.

Bernadette: You know, I just read that a team at MIT developed a device that helps people read human emotions.
Leonard: And you think we can get those guys to reprogram Sheldon? Cool.

Sheldon: It says here that up to 80% of new mothers experience baby blues. And that the best thing to do is reassure them that they're doing a good job. Bernadette, you are doing a good job.
Bernadette: Thank you, Sheldon, I'm feeling better now.
Sheldon: Thank you, Internet. I'm telling you, with the right YouTube video, I can give Howard a vasectomy.

Amy: Sheldon, that's enough.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah, no, fine. Let's just agree that both creations are special in their own way and it is foolish to try and compare them. Although, we didn't need to have sex with Howard for ours, so we win.

Penny: She said not to come. It's gonna be a while.
Amy: (sighs) Well, first deliveries can be slow.
Sheldon: I am starting to rethink the Flash onesie I bought this kid.

Sheldon: No matter where I am, this will always be my spot.

Amy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm just contemplating Buridan's donkey.
Amy: I understand. I'll leave you be.
Sheldon: What, you're familiar with the reference?
Amy: Of course. Jean Buridan proposed a philosophical thesis stating that a hungry donkey placed between two equidistant bales of hay would be paralyzed by indecision and would starve to death.
Sheldon: Exactly.
Amy: Well, I wouldn't want you to starve to death, so here's an eggplant.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Amy: You know, some people believe that Buridan was plagiarizing Aristotle.
Sheldon: Really?
Amy: Although, in Aristotle's example, he proposed an equally hungry and thirsty man caught between food and drink.
Sheldon: Huh. Yeah, I wonder if that's related to the 12th century Persian philosopher, Al-Ghazali and his story of a man caught between two dates.
Amy: Are you suggesting Al-Ghazali was Aristotelian? 'Cause if anything, he was anti-Aristotelian.
Sheldon: Al-Ghazali was anti-Aristotelian? Boy, you think you know a guy.