Sheldon: Okay. I'll say an element, and uh, you say an element whose name starts with the last letter of the one I said, okay? I'll start. Helium. Now, you could say Mercury. That would give me a Y. Ooh, very clever, that's a tough one. So I go Ytterbium, which gets you back to M. So you go Molybdenum, and I say Magnesium, you say Manganese, and I say Europium, and, and you're left with Mendelevium, and there are no more M's because I believe that Meitnerium should still be called Ekairidium, so congratulations, you win. Do you wanna go again?

Penny: (pulling car over) Get out.
Sheldon: Well, I have to tell you that while I do have a theoretical understanding of the workings of an internal combustion engine, I'm not sure I'm capable of performing diagnostics.
Penny: I said, get out.
Sheldon: Okay. I'll give it a shot. (Penny drives away)

Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, there you are, I'm ready to go home.
Leonard: I just got here.
Sheldon: Good, perfect timing.

Leonard: Sheldon, I told you, I only have access to the free-electron laser at night. I can't drive you for the next few weeks.
Sheldon: No, you said you couldn't drive me to work, this is from work.
Leonard: Howard, help me out here.
Howard: No, just for the fun of it, I'm gonna take his side.
Sheldon: Now, how do you propose I get home?
Leonard: How did you get here in the first place?
Sheldon: Penny. But I sense that's no longer an option.
Leonard: Look, I need to get to the laser lab, you're just going to have to find someone else to take you home. [Sheldon looks to Howard]
Howard: Oh damn, I picked the wrong side.

Sheldon: Where are you going?
Raj: I'm taking you home.
Sheldon: Oh, but I'm not going home. It's Wednesday. Wednesday is new comic book day. We have to go to the comic book store. And then we have to stop at Soup Plantation, it's creamy tomato soup day, and Radio Shack, there's a sale on triple-a batteries. Plus, we have to go to Pottery Barn and return my Star Wars sheets.
Raj: I have a better idea.
Sheldon: You want to go to Pottery Barn first?

Leonard: Sheldon, sit down.
Sheldon: She's in my spot. Don't look at me like that. Everybody knows that's my spot.

Penny: Sheldon, you know that we care about you.
Howard: And it's because we care about you that we've decided we have to speak up.
Penny: You're hurting the people around you, sweetie.
Leonard: So we made you an appointment, and we want you to keep it.
Sheldon: Department of Motor Vehicles new driver handbook? But I don't have a problem.
Leonard: Sheldon, you need to learn how to drive.

Howard: This madness has to stop.
Leonard: Penny's taking you to the DMV, I'm going to bed.
Sheldon: Why Penny?
Leonard: Because rock breaks scissors. Goodnight.

Howard: Sheldon, why are you arguing with the DMV?
Sheldon: How else are they going to learn? Look, question 2, "When are roadways most slippery?" Now, okay, there are three answers, none of which are correct. The correct answer is, when covered by a film of liquid sufficient to reduce the coefficient of static friction between the tire and the road to essentially zero, but not so deep as to introduce a new source of friction.

Sheldon: Statistically, red cars are stopped by police far more often than any other color. I don't want any hassles with the fuzz.

Howard: Fine, what colour do you want?
Sheldon: You know the pale blue of Luke Skywalker's lightsaber, before it was digitally remastered?
Howard: Black it is.

Leonard: Okay, now, what you want to do first is turn on the ignition and shift into drive.
Sheldon: I haven't fastened my seat belt yet.
Leonard: Okay, fasten your seat belt.
Sheldon: Click. Now, are there air bags?
Leonard: You don't need air bags.
Sheldon: What if a simulated van rear-ends me?
Penny: I'll hit you in the face with a pillow.

Sheldon: No. I quit. [After Sheldon stands up, there is a crashing sound from the driving simulation. Then pained noises from animals]
Leonard: Aw, the pet store?
Sheldon: Remind me to compliment Wolowitz on the software, it's amazingly detailed.

Leonard: So wait,you're just gonna give up?
Sheldon: No, I'm not giving up. I never give up.
Leonard: So what is it you're doing?
Sheldon: I'm transcending the situation. I'm clearly too evolved for driving.

Leonard: Assuming that everything you say is true, how does the biologically superior Homo Novus get to work tomorrow morning?
Sheldon: Homo Novus doesn't know.
Leonard: Well, hang in there. Maybe you'll evolve into something with wings.