Stephanie: (Breaking away from kissing) I'm sorry. I totally interrupted you. What, what, what were you saying?
Leonard: Just said Howard's a terrific guy. He's got a great sense of humor, he loves his mother, a lot, some people say too much.
Stephanie: I really like that you're such a loyal friend.
Leonard: Yeah, I am loyal. You know, if you look at the big picture.

Howard: OK, I guess we have to turn to Plan B.
Raj: What's Plan B?
Howard: Erase all the hard drives, scrap the surveillance tapes, wipe our fingerprints off every surface and run.
Sheldon: Why wasn't that Plan A?

Penny: Howard, didn't you say you worked on the Mars Rover?
Howard: No, you're mistaken.
Penny: Yeah, when we first met, you said that if I went out with you, I could drive a car on Mars.
Howard: I don't know what you're talking about.

Sheldon: Will you all excuse me? Leonard is subtly signaling that he'd like to talk to me in private.

Penny: Yeah, I remember specifically. You started by asking if I was from Mars because my ass was out of this world.
Howard: Well, that does sound like me, but no.

Sheldon: Is there some problem?
Leonard: Yeah. Listen, I have to kinda sneak out for a while.
Sheldon: All right, goodbye.
Leonard: No, wait. If anyone asks you where I went, you don't know.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Leonard: I can't tell you that.
Sheldon: Who would ask me?
Leonard: I can't tell you that, either.
Sheldon: So you brought me in here to inform me that you can't tell me where you're going and you can't tell me who might ask?
Leonard: Yeah, I really didn't think this through.

Sheldon: If someone, and of course, we don't know who this would be, does ask where you've gone, what should I say?
Leonard: I don't know. Just tell them I went to the office.
Sheldon: Are you going to the office?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Then how can I say it convincingly?
Leonard: Just say, Leonard went to the office.
Sheldon: All right. Leonard went to (dramatically) the office.
Leonard: What is? No, not like that! Just, Leonard went to the office.

Sheldon: This would have worked out a lot better if you'd just told me you were going the office.
Leonard: I'm going to the office.
Sheldon: See, why don't I believe you?

Leonard: So how was work today?
Stephanie: Busy. I removed an appendix, a gall bladder and about a foot and a half of bowel.
Leonard: I'm hoping that's three different guys.
Stephanie: No, just the one. He didn't make it.

Penny: So, who is she?
Leonard: Oh, she's a doctor.
Penny: Oh, nice. A doctor doctor, or a you kind of doctor?
Leonard: Doctor doctor. Surgical resident. Smart, pretty. Let me ask you something. If your friend thinks he's dating someone, but he's not because, in fact, you're dating her, does that make you a bad person?
Penny: Well, that depends.
Leonard: On what?
Penny: Is that friend Wolowitz?
Leonard: Yeah.
Penny: Screw him. You're fine.

Leonard: Are you sure?
Penny: Well, have you slept with her yet? ... You dog! Good for you.
Leonard: Does that change things?
Penny: No.
Leonard: So why'd you ask?
Penny: I'm nosy. See ya.

Leonard: Hi, Howard. Howard?
Howard: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Howard is employing a schoolyard paradigm in which you are, for all intents and purposes, deceased. He intends to act on this by not speaking to you, feigning an inability to hear you when you speak and otherwise refusing to acknowledge your existence.
Leonard: That's just ridiculous. Why are you cooperating with him?
Sheldon: I don't make the rules, Leonard.

Leonard: Howard, come on, I didn't plan on this. These things just happen. Usually not to me, but they do happen.
Howard: Did someone just feel a cold breeze?
Sheldon: I believe this is an extension of the death metaphor. The cold breeze is the so-called ectoplasmic issue of a disembodied soul passing by.

Sheldon: Penny, hello.
Penny: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: What is shaking?
Penny: I'm sorry?
Sheldon: It's colloquial, a conversation opener. So, do you find the weather satisfying? Are you currently sharing in the triumph of some local sports team?
Penny: What's wrong with you? You're freaking me out.
Sheldon: I'm striking up a casual conversation with you. S'up?
Penny: Please don't do that.
Sheldon: All right, But I'm given to understand that when you have something awkward to discuss with someone, it's more palatable to preface it with banal chit chat.
Penny: So, this wasn't the awkward part?
Sheldon: No.

Leonard: Do you understand that this was supposed to be a date?
Sheldon: I do. Do you? Because frankly, you've been in a foul mood since I sat down.