Penny: Hey, guys. What'd I miss, what'd I miss?
Howard: Giselle's hanging by a thread.
Penny: Oh, good, I hate her.
Howard: Then you're not invited to our wedding.

Raj: Ooo.
Penny: What's the matter, Lassie? Did Timmy fall down the well?

Penny: What are we gonna do?
Leonard: We? No, no, no. You had your chance to be "we" for like a year and a half now. Right now, you are you and you are screwed!

Howard: Renaissance fairs aren't about historical accuracy, they're about taking chubby girls who work at Kinko's and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosoms jump out and say "Howdy".
Sheldon: Bosoms would not have said "Howdy" in the 15th century. If anything, they would've said "Huzzah".
Howard: I don't care what the bosoms say, Sheldon, I just want to be part of the conversation.

Wolowitz: The way I see it, I'm halfway to pity sex.

Sheldon: Oh Mario, if only I could control everyone the way I control you. Hop, you little plumber. Hop, hop hop!

Sheldon: When you understand the laws of physics, Penny, anything is possible. And may I add, "Mwah, ha, ha."

Leonard: Don't you think if a woman was living with me I'd be the first one to know about it?
Penny: Oh, sweetie, you'd be the last one to know about it.

Sheldon: There was a tall man from Cornwall
Whose length exceeded his bed.
"My body fits on it.
But barely upon it.
There's no room for my big Cornish head!"

DMV Worker: Here's your learner's permit. Go away.
Sheldon: But I'm not done. I have many additional concerns about these questions.
DMV Worker: Don't make me climb over this counter!

Mrs. Wolowitz Tell her we're going to the Olive Garden. I have a coupon from the paper.
Howard: We're not going to the Olive Garden, ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz Oh, Mr. Big Shot with his Red Lobster.

Sheldon: Well, this is very pleasant.
Leonard: I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.
Sheldon: And you said there would never be enough pasta for the three of us.

Howard: Okay make your little jokes, but out of the four of us, I'm the only one who's making real world contribution to science and technology.
Rajesh: He's right, this is an important achievement for two reasons. Number one and of course number two!

Sheldon: A fear of heights is illogical. A fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary.

Penny: Sheldon, could I ask you a question?
Sheldon: I would prefer that you not, but I wouldn't go so far as to forbid it.