*Leonard's phone vibrates*
Leonard: Oh, God.
Professor Proton: What is it?
Leonard: Sheldon just sent me a picture of him and Bill Nye getting smoothies.

Leonard: Oh, gees.
Professor Proton: Another photo from Sheldon?
Leonard: No, I have to go pick him up. Bill Nye ditched him at the smoothie place.
Professor Proton: He probably stole his wallet too.

Sheldon: Arthur, I'm surprised to see your here.
Professor Proton: Yeah, me too. Somewhere around the third floor I began to see a white light.

Amy: Here's another one. Penny, if it weren't for Sheldon, you never would have met comic book legend Stan Lee.
Penny: Great.

Howard: What's your part?
Penny: I play a customer in a diner and I flirt with Mark Harmon.
Raj: Ooh, Mark Harmon. He's a dreamboat.

Leonard: Hey, can we talk?
Penny: We can, but the part of Penny might get cut.

Leonard: Okay, listen to me, this is just a minor setback.
Penny: No, it's not, okay? I've been out here for, like, ten years. I've nothing to show for it.
Leonard: Well, you have me.
Penny: You're right. I do have you. Mm. Let's get married.
Leonard: What?
Penny: Ooh. Leonard Hofstadter, will you marry me?
Leonard: Um…
Penny: Did you seriously just say um?
Leonard: Look, you know I love you but, but you're, you're drunk and sad and feeling lost.
Penny: Okay, so, so you don't want to marry me?
Leonard: That is not what I said.
Penny: No, forget it. I take it back. Offer's off the table.

Bert: So, anyway, there's this big, uh, rock and mineral show next week in Santa Monica.
Amy: Listen, um, Bert, before you say anything else, I- I have a boyfriend.
Bert: Oh. This is awkward. You thought I was gonna ask you to go with me to the mineral show.
Amy: Weren't you?
Bert: Yeah.

Amy: That's very nice of you, but I do have a boyfriend.
Bert: That's what you all say. You just don't want to go out with me because I have an off-putting personality.
Amy: No, that's not true. My boyfriend has an off-putting personality, too. Like, way worse than you.
Bert: Don't worry. I'm used to it. I mean, I'm big and weird and funny-looking and no one ever wants to do anything with me.

Bert: It's okay. I know I'm a monster.
Amy: No, Bert, come on. I'd love to go to the mineral show with you.
Bert: Sweet. It's a date. (Leaves Amy's office)
Amy: No, it's not.
Bert: Too late!

Bert: Thanks for coming to the mineral and rock show with me.
Raj: We’re sorry Amy didn't want to go.
Howard: Really, really sorry.
Bert: Eh. Who needs her when I have you guys? Rock show! Rock show! Rock show! Rock show! Rock show! Rock show! Rock sho-o-o-o-ow!

Sheldon: Think of me as Arthur Dent in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, lying in front of the bulldozers to protect his home.
Leonard: If you'll recall, the Vogon fleet blew up the Earth anyway.
Sheldon: It's a made up story, Leonard. I don't know why you're even talking about it.

Penny: Translation?
Leonard: Wah, I don't want a table.

Amy: Before I met Sheldon I was ready to give up too. Once, I even called in on my OBGYN just for some human contact.
Raj: It has been a while since I got my prostate checked.

Penny: It's just so humiliating.
Leonard: "So humiliating?" Am I driving you to the Cheesecake factory or - I'm sorry, I'll stop. I'll stop.