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Quote from Howard in the episode The Application Deterioration

Bernadette: You've tried to work with him before. It hasn't gone well. Why is this time gonna be any different?
Howard: Is the fetus helping you? 'Cause that's cheating.

Quote from Raj in the episode The Application Deterioration

Raj: Hello?
Claire: Hey, Raj. It's Claire. How are you?
Raj: Hi. I'm good. Really good.
Well, I don't know why I said "really good." I'm just regular good. I really just wanted to sound confident. And that "really" was a real "really", not a fake "really" like the first "really."
Claire: Really?
Raj: I don't know. I lost track and I missed my exit.

Quote from Raj in the episode The Application Deterioration

Raj: So, uh so what's up?
Claire: Well, last time we talked, I had just gotten back together with my boyfriend, and I wanted to let you know that things didn't work out.
Raj: Really? I'm sorry, I swear I know other words.

Quote from Raj in the episode The Application Deterioration

Claire: So if you were still interested-
Raj: Yes! Indeed! Absolutely! Indubitably! I'm not even sure what the last one means, but it's another word, and I know it.

Quote from Raj in the episode The Application Deterioration

Raj: So, uh, when do you want to meet up?
Claire: Uh, I'm almost off work. What are you doing now? Right now, well- Well, actually, tto be completely honest, I'm stopping by to see my ex-girlfriend because she's having a tough time. But it's not like we're getting back together or anything.
Claire: Let me guess, the worst part about breaking up is that she doesn't have her best friend to talk to anymore?
Raj: That's exactly what she said! How do you know that?
Claire: I'm a girl. It's, like, page one out of the playbook.
Raj: Any chance you could send me a PDF of that playbook?

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Application Deterioration

Howard: But, um, we were talking, and I'm a little concerned about the three of us forming a partnership.
Sheldon: Are you suggesting a limited liability corporation? Cause I did not L-L-"see" that coming.

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Application Deterioration

Penny: What if Sheldon had no choice but to be respectful?
Leonard: Is there a switch on the back of his neck we don't know about?

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Application Deterioration

Penny: No, what I'm saying is you could add a clause to the contract that he can't make fun of Howard.
Bernadette: How would you enforce it?
Sheldon: Oh, please. Any contract I sign is enforced by my own personal code of ethics.
Amy: And his obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Sheldon: Yeah, that, too. And scoot over. Part of your shadow's on my spot.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Application Deterioration

Leonard: Howard, what do you think?
Howard: I'm on board.
Sheldon: I'll add it right now. Oh, baby, it's addendum time!

Quote from Amy in the episode The Application Deterioration

Sheldon: The revisions I made start on page four.
Penny: Wow. That is a lot of "whereupons".
Amy: You should see the Valentine's Day card he gave me.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Application Deterioration

Howard: "Article three: As it pertains to this project, Dr. Sheldon Cooper promises to abstain from all insulting or disrespectful language directed toward Howard Wolowitz, including but not limited to: mockery of engineering, his height, his hair, his wardrobe, and his insane belief that the Ghost Rider movie was, quote, 'not that bad'."

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Application Deterioration

Penny: Wait, wait, wait. What are these changes on page six?
Amy: Sheldon, what did you do?
Howard: I should've known.
Bernadette: "25% of profits due to Sheldon Cooper will be allocated to a scholarship fund for the firstborn child of Howard and Bernadette Wolowitz." Sheldon, that's so nice.
Leonard: That beats the onesie I was gonna get them from Baby Gap.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Application Deterioration

Howard: That's very generous, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh, I've always valued education over money. And the very fact that you needed a written guarantee of respect made me realize how dismissive I've been of your contributions.
Howard: I appreciate that.
Sheldon: And I just hope that this scholarship can rescue your child from the sub-par education and menial life of an engineer.
Amy: Sheldon!
Sheldon: What? I didn't sign it yet.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Celebration Experimentation

Penny: Well, where is he?
Amy: Sheldon?
Leonard: I'll check his room.
Sheldon: Surprise!
Penny: Oh, my God!
Sheldon: Just one example of how birthdays can be terrible. Now, can we please drop this subject and pick a new one? Yeah, I suggest "how thick can a soup get before it becomes a stew?" You know, the answer, it may surprise you.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Celebration Experimentation

Amy: Can you please just tell me why?
Sheldon: Fine. As you know, I have a twin sister with whom I obviously share a birthday. Every year we'd have a party. No one I invited would ever come, because they didn't like me.
Amy: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Oh, that part wasn't so bad. I didn't like them, either. But then I'd inevitably spend the whole day being tortured by my sister's friends.
Penny: Oh, you poor thing.
Sheldon: When I was six, they told me Batman was coming to my party. I waited by the door for hours. Closest thing to Batman I saw was when a robin flew into the window.

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