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Quote from Howard in the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Leonard: I'm gonna get some coffee. You want some?
Sheldon: Uh, you're really going to have caffeine in front of me when I'm trying to get my life back on track?
Leonard: Uh, okay, let's pretend you do have a problem.
Sheldon: I do.
Leonard: You don't.
Sheldon: Yeah, but I do.
Leonard: No, you don't! But let's say you do. And don't say you do, because you don't! Now, wouldn't you think that throwing yourself into your work would be the best way to deal with it?
Sheldon: With what?
Leonard: Your problem.
Sheldon: I thought I didn't have a problem.
Howard: That was painful to watch.

Quote from Raj in the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Raj: So where are we going?
Bernadette: I don't know.
Raj: Okay. How Thelma and Louise of us.

Quote from Raj in the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Bernadette: I keep waiting to feel excited, but it's not happening. What if it never happens?
Raj: Bernadette, come on, look, you're over thinking this, okay? You're gonna be an amazing mom. Even if you don't believe it, I know you have maternal instincts.
Bernadette: Once, I was supposed to babysit my brothers. Our neighbor found them naked in the backyard eating crickets.
Raj: Happy and well-fed. You see, that's what I'm taking from that story.

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Sheldon: Leonard, can I ask you a question?
Leonard: Is it about the rotational symmetries you should be figuring out or your fake caffeine problem?
Sheldon: Howard, can I ask you a question?
Howard: No.

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Sheldon: Look at this. Elon Musk has a theory that we're all just characters in some advanced civilization's video game.
Leonard: So some alien kid spent his money on the asthma-and-glasses upgrade for me?
Sheldon: Well, he doesn't say it's a good game.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Leonard: You realize if the military declares our research classified, they can take the whole thing away from us.
Howard: And if that happens, we'll never be able to sell it commercially.
Leonard: There goes our big payday.
Howard: I was counting on that money. I need to make as much as my wife so I don't have to try so hard in bed.
Leonard: You do that, too?
Howard: Oh, yeah. How do you think I stay this thin?

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Sheldon: Gentlemen, I think we are losing sight of the real issue. We are on the precipice of becoming faceless cogs in the military-industrial complex. Isn't that exciting?
Raj: You're kidding, right?
Sheldon: Not at all. In Star Wars, when the stormtroopers would march in perfect formation, harassing civilians, didn't you ever think, "Hey, that could be me"?
Howard: Sheldon, we could be contributing to a weapons system that oppresses mankind for the next thousand years.
Sheldon: Okay, Howard's on board.

Quote from Amy in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Bernadette: I don't believe this.
Amy: What's wrong?
Bernadette: This guy from the office just congratulated me on being pregnant.
Amy: You did already know, right?

Quote from Howard in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Howard: You know, maybe before our meeting we should talk to a lawyer.
Leonard: That's not a bad idea.
Raj: Well, you must have someone in your family that's a lawyer.
Howard: Why? Because I'm Jewish? That's like me saying, "Hey, you're Indian. Doesn't your cousin work in a call center?"
Raj: My cousin does work in a call center.
Howard: And my cousin's a lawyer.

Quote from Howard in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Howard: Give me a second to call my cousin.
Sheldon: I don't see how a tax lawyer from Fort Lauderdale could be helpful regarding intellectual property.
Howard: First of all, he's in Boca Raton, which is better than Fort Lauderdale. But more importantly, he lasted two days on Jeopardy, so he's clearly a smart guy.

Quote from Penny in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Bernadette: Hi.
Penny: Hey.
Bernadette: What brings you by?
Penny: Oh, had to go to a sales seminar on our new sleeping pill.
Bernadette: Oh, how was it?
Penny: Great.
Bernadette: Fell asleep?
Penny: In, like, two minutes.

Quote from Penny in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Penny: Oh, you know, I also lied about the girl in the bathroom. Yeah, we actually dumped her retainer in the toilet and put it back in her mouth.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Sheldon: Ooh, can I use text-to-speech software?
Howard: No!
Leonard: Don't speak.
Sheldon's phone: (electronic male voice) Aw, nuts.

Quote from Bernadette in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Amy: Hi. Howard told me you were working late, so I brought dinner.
Bernadette: Oh, thanks. You know, I just wanted to get some work done without people congratulating me about the baby every five minutes.
Amy: I spent my day alone in the lab waiting for a rat to die of anthrax.
Bernadette: Did you come here to bring me dinner or to gloat?

Quote from Amy in the episode The Military Miniaturization

Amy: I am really regretting that I got you a Happy Meal.

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