Mary Cooper: So, Alfred, what is it that you do for a living?
Alfred Hofstadter: Oh, I'm an anthropologist. I study ancient peoples and cultures.
Mary Cooper: My goodness, so all the way back to the Flood.
Sheldon: Don't laugh, she wasn't joking.
Amy: Play with your phone.

Alfred Hofstadter: Now, one of the more exciting things to be found recently is that Neanderthals and Homo Sapiens frequently mated with each other.
Mary Cooper: Well, that certainly explains my marriage to Sheldon's father.
Sheldon: That's funny because my father was not a very clever man.
Amy: I'd be lost without you.

Beverly: That was very nice of Sheldon to apologize.
Amy: Well, he's come a long way. Or a short way very slowly, so it feels like a long way.

Amy: Do you realize it took me five years to get a massage from him?
Beverly: Oh, well, that still could be a big step for Sheldon.
Amy: Three minutes. And he used a kitchen timer. I felt like a soft-boiled egg.

Amy: I'm sorry, I've been going on and on.
Beverly: Oh, it's all right, dear. Sheldon has a brilliant and complicated mind. It's understandable that being in a relationship with him could be trying.
Amy: I called him babe once. He asked me to get a drug test.

Amy: Well, I'm going. You couldn't stop me from getting a massage at the mall, and you're not stopping me now.
Sheldon: I shouldn't have to see my girlfriend get groped in public by another man.
Amy: And I shouldn't have to see my boyfriend riding on a train for children around the mall.
Penny: The little choo-choo for toddlers?
Amy: And now you know why I needed the massage.

Amy: So, Sheldon and Bernadette are hanging out.
Howard: I know. What are they gonna talk about?
Amy: I don't know. I really don't know.

Leonard: Hey.
Howard: Oh, good.
Amy: Oh, thank God.
Penny: You guys been here long?
Howard: No, two minutes.
Amy: But yes.

Amy: So, Claire, we've heard so many wonderful things about you.
Claire: Really? Like what?
Amy: Uh, mostly Penny's heard them.

Amy: Well, I know how he feels. I never enjoyed our relationship agreement meetings.
Sheldon: Wait. You were pretending?
Amy: Sorry.
Sheldon: No. I don't believe you. I could tell.
Amy: (feigning excitement) Oh, Sheldon, I never thought re-filing a matter in a standing subcommittee could be so fascinating.
Sheldon: Hmm, what do you think?
Penny: You don't know?

Sheldon: Okay. Well, shall we check each other for ticks?
Amy: Sheldon, all we did was walk in from the car.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, suit yourself. Who wants to check me?
Amy: On the other hand, safety first.

Penny: I'll see if it's available.
Amy: You know, if that study's real, Leonard might come back smarter than you.
Sheldon: Are you trying to manipulate me?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: Well done, it worked, we're going.
Amy: Yay!

Sheldon: Oh, never have I ever drunk milk past its expiration date.
Amy: Never have I ever canceled a dentist appointment.
Sheldon: Oh, uh, never have I ever put my foot in the ocean.
Amy: Never have I ever honked if I liked anything.
Sheldon: Oh, uh, never have I ever thrown, caught or touched a Frisbee.
Amy: Never have I ever put salt on my food without trying it first.
Sheldon: Oh. Never have I ever pushed all the buttons in an elevator.
Amy: Well, we all have a past.

Sheldon: I suppose I should set this up. Or would you like to rob me of that, too?
Amy: Knock it off or I'll start making W-H sounds for words that just have a W.
Sheldon: You wouldn't.
Amy: Whatch me.

Amy: I got here as quickly as I could.
Sheldon: You're too late.
*Sheldon plays "Taps" and drapes a cloth over his laptop."
Amy: Sheldon, this is silly.
Sheldon: You got emotional when that lab monkey died.
Amy: That lab monkey told me he loved me in sign language.