Sheldon: I won't be able to make our date night this Thursday, so, bad news for you.
Amy: Well you better have a good excuse this time. Because trimming Q-tips to fit your ears right is obvious nonsense.

Sheldon: Is there a reason I had to leave my own apartment?
Amy: Well, I think they just want you to see it for the first time all decorated.
Sheldon: But who's gonna tell them they're doing it wrong?
Amy: Well, I'm sure they'll ask you to give a speech, and that's when you just tear 'em a new one.

Raj: You know, I have too much self-esteem to let this girl guilt me into getting back together with her.
Amy: You don't need to be pregnant to smell that load of crap.

Sheldon: The revisions I made start on page four.
Penny: Wow. That is a lot of "whereupons".
Amy: You should see the Valentine's Day card he gave me.

Amy: That's me, your emotional outhouse. You know, if you ever decide you want to do something about this, I'm here for you.
Sheldon: Thank you. I wouldn't even know how to begin.
Amy: Baby steps, I guess.
Sheldon: I suppose I could try getting rid of the golf ball.
Amy: Oh, okay.
Sheldon: I will always have the dent to remember it by.
Amy: You did it. Do you feel okay?

Amy: So, Sheldon and Bernadette are hanging out.
Howard: I know. What are they gonna talk about?
Amy: I don't know. I really don't know.

Penny: Okay, so it's not a legal ceremony, it's just a chance for us to redo our vows so everyone can be part of it.
Amy: So there's no maid of honour?
Penny: No.
Amy: Huh. But if I were to, say, wear a purple satin dress with a sweetheart neckline and stand near you, you wouldn't be able to stop me, right?
Penny: I don't see how I could.
Amy: Then I graciously accept.

Bernadette: Who's going to officiate?
Penny: I was kind of hoping you would.
Amy: Wait, now I'm just some lousy maid of honor?

Amy: Girlfriends, I have the answer to our dress problems.
Bernadette: Really?
Amy: Twelve years ago, my cousin Irene and her entire family died in a horrific carbon monoxide accident the night before her wedding.
Bernadette: That's horrible.
Amy: Yes and no. All those bridesmaids dresses remain unused and available to us for free. So it seems that cloud of odourless deadly gas had a silver lining after all. Check it out, still in the bags. The gowns, not the bridesmaids.

Bernadette: I dont know. Dead people's dresses?
Penny: Yeah, and cap sleeves?
Amy: I was hoping you wouldn't notice. Irene was always a slave to a good bargain when it came to clothes, and sadly as it turned out, space heaters.

Leonard: Hey, Amy, what brings you to our neck of the woods?
Amy: Your neurology department loaned me a culture of prions for my research on bovine spongiform encephalopathy.
Sheldon: She popped by to borrow a cup of mad cow disease.
Amy: It's hard to make degenerative brain maladies hilarious, and yet somehow you do it.

Bernadette: So, what do you say, Amy?
Amy: Can I wear my maid of honour dress?
Bernadette: Seriously? You're going to wear that thing to City Hall?
Amy: It's all I have left. You're going to take that from me, too?

Bernadette: I can't believe we're not going to get married.
Amy: Excuse me, I'm going to go see if the couple at the front of the line needs a maid of honor.

Penny: Just a couple of minutes. You've really never done this before?
Amy: Once in high school, but I dozed off and woke up with second-degree chemical burns on my face.
Penny: Oh, my gosh, that's awful. The other kids make fun of you?
Amy: No, I had a cover story, I told everyone it was herpes.

Bernadette: Did I tell you Priya invited me and Howard to have dinner with her and Leonard?
Penny: Oh, that's nice.
Amy: No, it's not. It's a strategic maneuver. Leonard's new girlfriend is testing Bernadette's loyalty to you and the group. That bitch is crafty.