Amy: His quirks just make you love him more. Someone please agree with me.

Raj: Anyway I was hoping I could pick your brains a little. I'm supposed to take Lucy out Friday and I need a killer first date.
Amy: Well, evolutionary biology says that women are attractive to a man who is steady in the face of danger, so I recommend an unsafe environment. A seedy bar on the wrong side of the tracks. Picnic near a lunatic asylum. A wine tasting on skid row.

Penny: So blow off work and go on a weekday.
Amy: Hooky? I've never played hooky in my life. My mom said that's how girls end up addicted to reefer and jazz music.

Amy: Yeah, yeah, you want a cigarette. Well, I'd like a normal boyfriend. Deal with it.

Leonard: So, Amy, what's going on with your addiction study?
Amy: Sadly, I'm no longer associated wtih that project.
Leonard: Why? What happened.
Amy: Typical bureaucratic nonsense. You can get animals addicted to a harmful substance, you can dissect their brains, but you throw their own faeces back at them and suddenly you're unprofessional.

Amy: As you know, I had planned a traditional evening of romance and gifts.
Sheldon: Yes, and as you know, I planned to pretend to enjoy it. I've been working on this facial expression all day.
Amy: And I appreciate your effort, but upon contemplation, I decided I was being selfish. So, I canceled our dinner reservations and came up with an even better way to celebrate Valentine's Day.
Sheldon: What is that?
Amy: By doing none of it. No dinner, no romance, no gifts. We stay here, order a pizza and watch one of your beloved Star War Trek things.

Amy: Check this out. I took the liberty of scripting a new outgoing voice mail message for both of us.
Sheldon: Hello. This is Sheldon.
Amy: And this is Amy.
Sheldon: We're not home right now.
Amy: 'cause we out dropping science, son.
Both: Leave a message.
Amy: Beep.

Sheldon: One vintage Mr. Mxyzptlk action figure. That's Leonard's.
Amy: (writing down) Children's toy.
Sheldon: One Star Trek: The Next Generation phaser. That's Leonard's.
Amy: (writing down) Children's toy.

Amy: Then what the hell, Sheldon? We have been going out for over two years, and I have been nothing but patient with you. I watch your dopey space movies. I signed your ridiculous contract. I even stopped wearing lip gloss 'cause you said it made my mouth look too slippery. I am the best girlfriend youre ever gonna have. You give me one good reason why I can't live here.

Amy: Thor is a god. The hammer is his. Only he can use it. It's like Sheldon and his toothbrush. Or his thin, beckoning lips.

Penny: If Harry Potter's wand can make decisions, why can't Thor's hammer?
Amy: Okay, if you are going to start comparing wands and hammers, I can't even take you seriously.

(The girls enter Stuart's comic book store)
Bernadette: Why are they staring?
Amy: Who cares? Just soak it in. Hello, boys.

Amy: I have a lab full of coked up monkeys with nothing to lose.

Penny: I'm gonna kill her.
Bernadette: Im sure you've got nothing to worry about. Leonard would never cheat on you.
Amy: She's right. But say the word, I got a lab full of cocaine-addicted monkeys with nothing to lose. One of them could end up in the backseat of her car. Or her shower.

Amy: You think that's bad? In college, I passed out at a frat party and woke up with more clothes on.