Sheldon: And so, instead of bowing to pressure, and going to that pointless soire, I stayed right here and did a load of whites.
Amy: (On webcam) Well, normally I respect your macho rebellious attitude toward The Man, but, in this case, I think you'vee made a foolish mistake.

Amy: How was your shower?
Leonard: It was good, good. Just out of curiosity, what time do you usually go to bed?
Amy: Oh, I'm up all night. I'm like a possum.

Penny: You're a brain scientist. Can you explain to me why a brilliant man likes playing with toy trains?
Amy: Not without cutting his head open, no.

Amy: How about making my eyes like Cleopatra?
Penny: Really? For a wedding?
Amy: Perhaps you're right. My cheekbones and beckoning pelvis already have a certain hello sailor quality to them.

Amy: Would you like to dance?
Leonard: No, thank you. I'm really not much of a dancer.
Amy: You're not exactly winning any trophies as a conversationalist, either.

Leonard: I did have a great time. Thank you for reminding me it's okay to have fun once in a while.
Amy: You're welcome.
Leonard: And also for breaking the head off the ice swan so I could hold it against my pulled groin.
Amy: I excel at spatial reasoning, and I had a hunch that the graceful slope of its neck would cradle your genitals nicely.

Penny: Oh, God, did he make a move on you?
Amy: No, but it's only a matter of time. How could I have not seen this coming? Now I'm gonna have to break the little sad sack’s heart.
Penny: Yeah, I'm sure he'll be okay.
Amy: Oh, Penny, much as I would treasure knowing that the two of us had been defiled by the same man, Leonard just doesn't get my motor running.

Penny: So, um, what are you gonna do? Do you want me to talk to Leonard, let him down easy?
Amy: No. I'll let him have tonight. Then in the morning, I'll send him an e-mail letting him know this body is never gonna be his wonderland. I mean, frankly, you've got a better shot than he does.

Amy: So, whats the plan? Are we gonna teach our fellas a lesson by getting stinking drunk, luring strange men into the bathroom, and turning the toilet stall into a temple of the senses?
Bernadette: No!
Penny: No!
Amy: Geez, who's Forever 63 now?

Bernadette: Hey, let's help Raj meet a girl tonight.
Raj: No, no, no, I'm fine.
Penny: Okay, wait, are we talking one-night stand or do we want to get him into a relationship?
Amy: Let's get him laid!

Bernadette: Looks like hes doing pretty good.
Penny: Of course he is. Look, that girl just got dumped by her boyfriend. Shes angry, shes drunk, and her favorite movie is Slumdog Millionaire.
Amy: I mean that is some low-hanging fruit.

Raj: Sometimes I get so lonely, I sit on my left hand until it goes numb, then I put it in my right hand and pretend I’m holding hands with another person.
Amy: I do that, too. Sometimes the left hand tries to cop a feel. And I let it.

Amy: Okay. Well, what I think is going on here is you have a pathological need for closure.
Sheldon: Oh, that's nonsense. I mean, you tell me stories about your day all the time. I don't care how they end.
Amy: You know, I might be able to help you with this. There's a whole field of behavioral neuroscience that examines ways to retrain your neural pathways so stuff like this bothers you less.
Sheldon: Yeah, but I just told you, I don't have a problem with closure.
Amy: You sure about that?
Sheldon: Oh, quite sure. (Amy performs a knocking pattern but stops before completing it. Sheldon finishes it off.) That proves nothing.

Bernadette: Why do you have a history textbook?
Penny: No, it's not a big deal. Just taking a class at the Pasadena Community College.
Bernadette: Thats great. I didn't know you wanted to go back to school.
Penny: It's just one history class. Look, I didn't finish college, so I thought I would give it a try.
Amy: Not to mention, your acting career is going south like Sherman. Read about it in your book.

Bernadette: I just can't believe you could keep something like that from him.
Amy: You guys have got to be the weirdest couple I know.
Penny: Really? You can't think of anyone weirder?
Amy: I can, but she's sitting right there.