Amy: Check this out. I took the liberty of scripting a new outgoing voice mail message for both of us.
Sheldon: Hello. This is Sheldon.
Amy: And this is Amy.
Sheldon: We're not home right now.
Amy: 'cause we out dropping science, son.
Both: Leave a message.
Amy: Beep.

Amy: Yeah, yeah, you want a cigarette. Well, I'd like a normal boyfriend. Deal with it.

Amy: Seriously, is that tape? Like, how are they staying up like that?

Amy: You're all wasting your time. Sheldon is the most qualified for the job. And no amount of gravity-defying bosom is going to change that.

Sheldon: You don't know what it's like to feel completely frustrated. To have a desire build up within you and be denied any opportunity for release.
Amy: Yeah, sounds like a drag.

Amy: Excuse me, but I'm a neurobiologist. I think I'm a little more qualified to understand what's not working in your girlfriend's brain.

Raj: Okay, I have a request to make.
Amy: And now he can talk. I want to cut open your brain and see what the heck is going on in there.

Bernadette: It would mean so much if you would be the maid of honor at my wedding.
Amy: What? Wait is this some kind of practical joke? Like in Norway when my "friends" trapped me in a sauna with a horny otter?

Amy: Go away. Sheldon is nibbling on my ... fourteen! Yes!

Amy: I don't object to the concept of a deity, but I'm baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance.

Amy: I must take responsibility, I had to stop for feminine hygiene supplies.
Leonard, Raj, Wolowitz: Oh, oh, ok.
Sheldon: I believe she's experiencing her menses.
Amy: Actually, I'm not. In order to avoid surprises, I wear them all the time.

Raj: Anyway I was hoping I could pick your brains a little. I'm supposed to take Lucy out Friday and I need a killer first date.
Amy: Well, evolutionary biology says that women are attractive to a man who is steady in the face of danger, so I recommend an unsafe environment. A seedy bar on the wrong side of the tracks. Picnic near a lunatic asylum. A wine tasting on skid row.

Amy: So I guess you have to have hollow bones to get some sugar around here.

Amy: I have a lab full of coked up monkeys with nothing to lose.

Amy: I don't need your medicine. I'm not really sick. I got better two days ago.
Bernadette: I don't understand.
Amy: It's been so nice having Sheldon take care of me, I just wanted that to last longer.
Bernadette: You should tell him.
Amy: I know.
Sheldon: (From the other room) Amy! Are you strong enough to bathe yourself, or do you need my help?
Amy: I'll tell him tomorrow. Mama needs a bath.