Sheldon: Are you suggesting I play dirty?
Amy: Yes, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Which brings me to our next order of business. [kisses Sheldon]
Sheldon: Fascinating.
Amy: I hope you don't take what I'm about to do as a comment on what we just did. [runs to bathroom and vomits]

Amy: I trained Ricky how to smoke. I can train him to shoot a poison dart. No jury would convict us 'cause people love monkeys.

Amy: The meme has reached full penetration.
Sheldon: Pun intended?
Amy: No. Happy accident.

Penny: Want some coffee liqueur on your ice cream?
Amy: Ah, here's the alcohol and drug peer pressure Mother warned me about. I was starting to think it was never going to happen. Yes, please.

Bernadette: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm never speaking to Priya again.
Penny: No, don't do that. No reason to be mean to her.
Amy: This may be the alcohol talking, but I believe there is. Are you familiar with the recent study of Tanzanian chimpanzees by Nishida and Hosaka out of Kyoto University?
Penny: No, but I can name all the Kardashians.
Amy: Primates, such as ourselves, have a natural instinct to ostracize ill-mannered members of the troop. Bernadette's urge to shun, scowl or fling her waste at Priya is hard-wired into her DNA.
Bernadette: I don't have an urge to fling my waste.
Amy: Believe me, it's there, we all have it. Hit me with some more booze, and I'll show you.

Penny: Do you want to join us?
Priya: Oh, thank you, but I have work to do.
Amy: Four women walk down the stairs, how many reach the lobby?

Bernadette: We just thought you might want to go out and have a good time. Maybe go dancing?
Penny: Oh, gee, thanks, but I'm not really in the mood.
Amy: You do understand that it will distract you from obsessing over the rich variety of sweet loving that your ex-boyfriend is currently receiving from the fiery jewel of Mumbai?

Amy (to Penny): You do understand that it will distract you from obsessing over the rich variety of sweet loving your ex-boyfriend is currently receiving from the fiery jewel of Mumbai?

Amy: If you'd have let me bring the chloroform, we wouldn't have had to put up with all this jibber-jabber!

Amy: Y'know, if being on your own is new to you, I'd be happy to share some tension-relieving techniques for ladies I've perfected over the years. For example, do you own an electric toothbrush?
Penny: No
Amy: You should get one!

Amy: Yo, P-dawg!

Amy: Thanks to you, I just made a rhesus monkey cry like a disgraced televangelist.

Amy: Well, granted Penny your secondary sexual characteristics are reasonably bodacious but Priya is highly educated, she's an accomplished professional and she comes from the culture that literally wrote the book on neat ways to have sex. Whereas you, on the other hand, are a community college drop-out who comes from the culture that wrote the book on tipping cows.

Amy: I came as quickly as I could.
Penny: Ok, why?
Amy: To comfort you, of course. Sheldon told me about Leonard dating Rajesh's sister, so I high-tailed over here to pick up the pieces of your broken heart.
Penny: Amy, I'm fine.
Amy: You don't have to be strong for me. Now, let's talk about Priya, that man-stealing bitch.

Amy: It seems like the appropriate thing to do when one's best friend finds herself replaced by a smart, beautiful woman with the smouldering sexuality of a crouched Bengal tiger.