Barry Kripke Quotes Page 2 of 5

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Quote from the episode The Discovery Dissipation

Sheldon: No, that's okay. I can fight my own battles. Isn't that right, Bawwy?
Barry Kripke: Is that a reference to my speech impediment? That's pretty hurtful. I can't control it.
Sheldon: You're right. That was uncalled for. I take it back.
Barry Kripke: Of course you do, because you're The Retractor!

Quote from the episode The Tenure Turbulence

Barry Kripke: I'd love to babysit for you. Kids love me. Something about me just makes them waff and waff.

Quote from the episode The Tenure Turbulence

Kripke: If you need my nose, you'll find it firmly lodged up the rectum of the tenure committee.

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Barry Kripke: Yes, yes, yes. He's a jolly good fellow. What time do the strippers arrive?

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Howard: Actually, Barry, we're not going to have strippers tonight.
Barry Kripke: Aww, then what the flip did I get $200 in singles out for?

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Barry Kripke: Nobody cares, Hofstadter. Wrap it up.

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Barry Kripke: Howard, I'm going to say something to you that everybody's thinking but nobody has the courage to say out loud. When you invite a man to a bachelor party, the implication is there will be strippers. Maybe not completely nude, but at least pasties and G-strings. That's not unreasonable!

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Barry Kripke: (To Raj, slipping him a dollar) Yeah, nice speech, Francine.

Quote from the episode The Rothman Disintegration

Sheldon: As you know, the essence of diplomacy is compromise. With that in mind, I propose the following: I will take Rothman's office... and you will find a way to be okay with that.
Barry Kripke: How about I take Rothman's office and you go suck a lemon?

Quote from the episode The Rothman Disintegration

Kripke: What's up, fellas?
Sheldon: What are you doing here, Kripke?
Kripke: Ah, measuring my new office for drapes.
Sheldon: This is not your office. It hasn't been assigned yet.
Kripke: Well, I called dibs at the Christmas party when Professor Rothman tried to have intercourse with the toys for tots collection box.
Sheldon: Dibs? This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs.
Leonard: You just called dibs.
Sheldon: Shut it. Offices are assigned by seniority. I arrived at the university first.
Kripke: I arrived at the office first. I'm the proverbial early bird.

Quote from the episode The Rothman Disintegration

Barry Kripke: Cooper.
Sheldon: Kripke, come in. I'm making tea. Would you like a cup?
Barry Kripke: Am I weawing a summer frock? No, I don't want tea. Let's get down to brass tacks.

Quote from the episode The Beta Test Initiation

Barry Kripke: Heads up. Professor Rothman urinated in the physics lab again. So we're going to move up his retirement party. Friday 5 o'clock pot luck.

Quote from the episode The Beta Test Initiation

Barry Kripke: Listen to me. Not westauwant, westauwant. See, total cwap. You suck, Siwi!

Quote from the episode The Beta Test Initiation

Raj: Don't talk to her (Siri) that way. She's a lady.
Barry Kripke: Well, that lady took high-res pictures of my junk last night for Craigslist. Later!

Quote from the episode The Beta Test Initiation

Kripke: Siwi, can you wecommend a westauwant?
Siri: I'm sorry, Bawwy. I don't understand "wecommend a westauwant."

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