Sheldon: Forgive me, but I think you'll find my story is more interesting.
Barry Kripke: Does your story have wet breasts in it?

Barry Kripke: Go ahead, Zach. Naked drunk girl, free balling. Continue.

Barry Kripke: I'm Barry Kripke and I'm here because you told me there was going to be a raffle. When is the raffle?

Barry Kripke: Let me ask you a question. At what point did National Public Radio have to start scraping the bottom of the barrel for its guest? Don't answer, it's rhetorical.

Barry Kripke: Hey, Cooper. I hear you're going to be on the radio with Ira Flatow from Science Friday next week.
Sheldon: Thank you, Kripke, for depriving me of the opportunity to share my news with my friends.
Barry Kripke: My pleasure.
Sheldon: My thanks were not sincere.
Barry Kripke: Ah, but my pleasure is.

Barry Kripke: Yeah, but research in to dark energy proved that Einstein's cosmological constant was right all along. So you're still, surprise surprise, a loser.

Sheldon: My credibility may have been damaged.
Barry Kripke: Completely wrecked.

Sheldon: You see. People have been pointing and laughing at me all morning.
Barry Kripke: Not true. People have been pointing and laughing at you your whole life.

Barry Kripke: Hey, Cooper. Read your retraction email. Way to destroy your reputation!

Sheldon: Attention, everyone. I'm Sheldon Cooper. As those of you in the physics department might know, my career trajectory has taken a minor detour.
Barry Kripke: Off a cliff.

Barry Kripke: Hello. How did I walk past you? I'm Barry.
Penny: Penny.
Barry Kripke: That's not a very hot name. I'm gonna call you Roxanne.

Barry Kripke: I like to floss before I eat so my gum pockets are open to new food.

Barry Kripke: Be right back. I gotta floss the Indian food out of my teeth if I'm going to eat Chinese.

Sheldon: That's where I sit.
Barry Kripke: Ooh, you have a special spot. What kind of wacko are you?

Leonard: How was rock climbing?
Barry Kripke: He passed out. He just hung there like a big salami.