Sheldon: My credibility may have been damaged.
Barry Kripke: Completely wrecked.

Barry Kripke: Leonard, I know you and I have a oh, troubled history, but I hope that when I make my request you'll give me a fair shot.
Leonard: Of course.
Barry Kripke: See? That's why I like about this guy: integrity. Bring it in! I just put something in your pocket. It's good at all El Pollo Locos.

Barry Kripke: Greg Pemberton, you old so-and-so.
Dr. Pemberton: Very good to see you. Uh, let me introduce you to my colleague, Dr. Campbell. Uh, Kevin, this is Barry Kripke. We went to college together.
Dr. Campbell: Great to meet you.
Barry Kripke: Well, you have my number. We should hit up the buffet at the strip club while you're in town. Nothing beats a lap dance and a baked potato bar, huh?

Barry Kripke: I heard the only work he did on his thesis was googling, "Where can I buy a thesis?"
Amy: Well, plagiarism is a pretty serious charge. Are you sure?
Barry Kripke: You want proof? I can make some calls.
Sheldon: You'd do that for us?
Barry Kripke: I really don't want to see that guy win a Nobel. I also don't want to see you win a Nobel. Ooh, this is tricky.

Leonard: Kripke.
Barry Kripke: What's up, fellas?
Howard: Did you screw us over?
Barry Kripke: Ooh, I can't tell you that. It's classified.

Leonard: How was rock climbing?
Barry Kripke: He passed out. He just hung there like a big salami.

Barry Kripke: If you're not there, you'll be exposed to ridicule.

Barry Kripke: Hey, Hofstadter. Heard about your latest proton anti-decay experiment. 20,000 data runs and no statistically significant results. Very impressive.

(O.S. - In video) Barry Kripke: As you can see, the Kripke Crippler is reducing the Chevy Cavalier to rubble.

Barry Kripke: All right, Hofstadter, here's all the proof you need.
Leonard: Great, thanks.
Barry Kripke: Just remember, once you take this envelope, there's no turning back.
Leonard: What if I look at it and decide not to use it?
Barry Kripke: I had not considered that. Got to hand it to you, you got a real talent for making things boring.
Leonard: Thanks.
Barry Kripke: Hey, look at that. You did it again.

Barry Kripke: Hello to you, too!

Barry Kripke: Hey, look at you Cooper. You're almost half way to the top.

Barry Kripke: Be right back. I gotta floss the Indian food out of my teeth if I'm going to eat Chinese.

Barry Kripke: Hello. How did I walk past you? I'm Barry.
Penny: Penny.
Barry Kripke: That's not a very hot name. I'm gonna call you Roxanne.

Barry Kripke: Hey, Cooper. Read your retraction email. Way to destroy your reputation!