Barry Kripke: Come on, they have birthday parties here. Little kids climb this.

Barry Kripke: Howard, I'm going to say something to you that everybody's thinking but nobody has the courage to say out loud. When you invite a man to a bachelor party, the implication is there will be strippers. Maybe not completely nude, but at least pasties and G-strings. That's not unreasonable!

Barry Kripke: Nope, I wanna climb some rocks.

Sheldon: Never. I'd rather see MONTE dead than in your hands.
Barry Kripke: That can easily be arranged.

Howard: So what do you think? Can you make it work?
Barry Kripke: Uh, I just need to use the cross section to calculate the probability of the interaction.
Leonard: Can we help?
Barry Kripke: Yes. Why don't you run get me a can of Pringles.

Barry Kripke: Well, if you have any delusions about entering him against my robot, the Kripke Crippler, in the Southern California Robot Fighting League Round Robin Invitational - AKA the SCRFLRRI - his name is going to be Scrap Metal.

Barry Kripke: What is his problem?

Leonard: Nice little bot you've got here.
Barry Kripke: I'm aware.
Leonard: What's this do? Spin?
Barry Kripke: Yeah, at 3400 RPM. It can cut through steel like it was rubber.

Barry Kripke: I'd love to babysit for you. Kids love me. Something about me just makes them waff and waff.

Barry Kripke: (To Raj, slipping him a dollar) Yeah, nice speech, Francine.

Barry Kripke: Are you crazy? This is a street fight. The street has no rules.

Kripke: What's up, fellas?
Sheldon: What are you doing here, Kripke?
Kripke: Ah, measuring my new office for drapes.
Sheldon: This is not your office. It hasn't been assigned yet.
Kripke: Well, I called dibs at the Christmas party when Professor Rothman tried to have intercourse with the toys for tots collection box.
Sheldon: Dibs? This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs.
Leonard: You just called dibs.
Sheldon: Shut it. Offices are assigned by seniority. I arrived at the university first.
Kripke: I arrived at the office first. I'm the proverbial early bird.