Bernadette: Howard, the kids are okay.
Howard: How do you know that?
Bernadette: I just know. A mother knows.
Howard: So what, now the Force is with you?
Bernadette: Let's see. This is not the woman you want to annoy.

Howard: How you doing?
Bernadette: Fine. Why?
Howard: Well, this is the furthest we've ever been away from the kids. I was just checking to see if you're okay.
Bernadette: I'm on my second Jack Reacher. I'm doing great.

Sheldon: Yes. And a reminder, Penny, there's free alcohol in business class, don't abuse it.
Penny: Relax. I'm not gonna drink.
Bernadette: Why? You pregnant?
Penny: Wha-? [laughs] No. No, I just, you know, I don't like to drink when I fly.
Bernadette: Please. I've seen you drink in the shower.
Howard: You guys have showered together?
Bernadette: Sometimes you're just ech.

Bernadette: You realize it's been years since we've got away just the two of us.
Howard: I know. I can't wait. Fancy hotel room. The big bed.
Bernadette: Yeah. We're gonna sleep our asses off.

Howard: Somebody just peed in the big girl potty.
Bernadette: Oh, I'm so proud! It was her, right?
Howard: Yes.

Bernadette: Now, Michael, Mommy and Daddy are going away for a couple days, so if you're gonna say your first words, you got to do it now or wait till we get back.

Howard: Dinner ready?
Bernadette: Not unless you cooked.

Sheldon: What do you want, Howard?
Howard: We were just calling to see if you'd heard yet.
Sheldon: We haven't.
Amy: But thank you for getting up so early to call. That was very thoughtful.
Bernadette: Oh, please. We have two little kids. We've been up for an hour.

Howard: Well, Raj is probably on his way to the airport.
Bernadette: Yeah.
Howard: Guess he's finally getting his big romantic movie moment.
Bernadette: With a woman who doesn't care about big romantic movie moments.
Howard: Well, he'll have the rest of his life to explain them to her.
Bernadette: You can't really think this is a good idea.
Howard: Of course I don't. What am I supposed to do?
Bernadette: Go stop him. Get your best friend back.
Howard: You're my best friend.
Bernadette: We don't have time for this! Go!

Bernadette: When we first met, there was another waitress at The Cheesecake Factory who thought you were cute, so I told her you had all the hepatitises, A through Z.
Howard: There aren't 26 hepatitises.
Bernadette: Well, if she was smart enough to know that, she wouldn't still be working at a Cheesecake Factory.

Howard: So what's the worst thing you've ever done to get something you wanted?
Bernadette: I'm not gonna tell you that.
Howard: Oh, come on. I'll tell you mine.
Bernadette: Right, 'cause yours is gonna be as bad as mine. Okay. [chuckles]

Bernadette: I'm just saying, Sheldon and Amy deserve to win, and sometimes that means doing what you got to do.
Howard: Don't you think it's better to take the high road?
Bernadette: Yeah, and instead of guns, armies should carry candy canes that shoot wishes.

Howard: Quick question: Does it happen to do with online tastes that might or might not reflect their real-life tastes?
Bernadette: I know all about your tall girl website. It goes on our credit card.

Raj: Okay, any other questions? Mm. Not about aliens? [to Bernadette] What?
Bernadette: Do you still want me to ask the one you gave me? 'Cause it kind of feels like we're past that.

Howard: I have a question about the aliens you found.
Raj: That's not what I said, Howard.
Bernadette: Hold on a second. Do you two know each other?